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Archive for March, 2008

New Avenues

March 27th, 2008 No comments

For the past few days, I’ve been taken up with a relatively new concept in India – Freelancing. Ideas of the sort had occurred to me before, but I hardly knew how to follow them up.

Then just a few days ago, my wife called me from work, and asked me to check the Economic Times for an article on freelancing, and I’ve been busy with it ever since.

The ideal of choosing my own work timings, not having to go to office in a suit, and to do whatever interesting job is thrown up, is an ideal, if it ever comes true. This is the closest I will ever get to it I suppose, if not actually touch it.

The jobs that are available online are so diverse and varied, that there is something to suit everyone. The various sites that I have looked into, are odesk, and Elance. Still keeping my fingers crossed about how well it’s going to turn out, and I’ve just received my first interview request online.

One particular job on writing about the latest Scientific research for the lay public really appeals to me. I may not get the job, but I’ve applied for it, and I don’t think I would have found the opportunity to even apply for something like that anywhere else.

Let’s see how things turn out. If this clicks, it might be the way to go for me.

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Unemployment – Fighting Depression

March 24th, 2008 1 comment

For the past few days, I have been looking out for a job that suits me. It’s quite a stumbling block, that I don’t know what to call what I do. The specialty that I have created for myself, is to take existing systems, and make them more efficient, usually using computers. Or, to create a system where none existed before.

But what is such a person called? My usefulness becomes readily apparent once I am IN the company, and then I quickly make myself indispensable. But how do I communicate this to the person who is considering me as a candidate? There must be professions that do what I do, but they’re usually populated by oldies, or youngies (is there such a word?) who have specific qualifications that I do not have. My art is self created, and not taught from outside.

Another problem that I have been facing, is that of salary. When I joined my older company, I asked for a paltry wage, which I hoped, would not require me to work as hard as other people who got paid more. Now, I find that people looking at my previous wage, devalue my work as not being good enough to pay well. And as such, I have issued getting the kind of good work that I do best.

Actually getting a job is not a problem. Pushed to it, I can get a job easily enough…but to get a job that suits me is a challenge. Luckily, I have some time to work things out.

The difficult part, is dealing with the impression within myself that I am unemployed. Somehow, inside me, there is a part of of society that has become part of myself, that gives me the stigma of being unemployed. And this tortures me. I have had some difficulty in identifying that this voice is not really me, but my superego, implanted in me by my father, whose voice it is. Now that I recognize it, I am trying to tell myself that I must be myself, and not be pushed on to feel guilty by an internalized authority. I wish to be self driven. And not by a force, even if it is inside me, that I do not consciously endorse. I am no slave.

I’ll never such a gosling, to obey instinct, but stand as if a man were author of himself, and knew no other kin – Coriolanus

It’s not easy at all. It bites away at my peace of mind, and at my free time. I must not allow myself to feel guilty. How did I even reach this stage? I used to be strong, with a will of iron. And now I am soft and weak. That was necessity perhaps since I was not fulfilled. Now that I am, does it excuse me from being as much of a man as I was then? My conscience keeps reminding me that I am a fraction of what I am capable of being. But how do I get back on track?

I’ll find a way. I have to. I must start afresh, and fight.

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Quitting my job suddenly

March 10th, 2008 No comments

I left my job three days ago. I can’t really explain why. There were several things that were wrong with the company, but none of them was the clinching reason. People who look at me say that I’ve done the craziest thing possible. In probably no other company, will I get the freedom to do exactly what I want as I did in this place. And in no other company, will things be as personal as they were here.

Perhaps that is part of the problem. Too personal. It’s ironic really. When I was in Jabalpur, many of this blog’s readers would have noticed me decrying the fact that most corporates are faceless, and they just manipulate the employees using perks in order to make them perform.

And now, I feel that that is just what I want. There is a lot of truth in the saying that a productive employee is a happy employee. Oh how the might have fallen! I just want a systematic way of working, where I know what I can do and what I must not do. I want to be appraised at regular intervals, and it’s always nice if that leads to you getting more money.

I’ve calculated that if I invest Rs. 20,000 every month, as opposed to the Rs. 7,000 right now, I will be able to comfortably retire in less than 20 years, with piles of cash. So this is my aim now. The last few days have been a whirl. It’s rather disorienting not to go to work in the morning as I’m used to. I’ve always been a routine person.

My wife has been the most supporting thing ever. I would never have quit without her support. Emotional support being as important as financial support. Once I explained in my lame terms why I was quitting, she just took it like a (man!?) and accepted it.

The part where I told my boss I would be leaving was the most difficult though. I had got rather attached to him, and he to me. He takes his company so personally, that he views everything in the same light-personally. I tried to tell him it was not personal, but I couldn’t help feeling that I was abandoning him when he needed me. I felt horrible that I was leaving an old man after having come to him, and showing him a better way of doing some things.

I came home and cried.

I have to hand some stuff over at the office, to try and make sure that nothing gets derailed. But I’m almost afraid to go back into the office. Too many things might come back to me. I’m such an idiot. But I had to leave. And fast at that. If I had tarried, it would never have happened. I had to be as direct, brutal, swift, and complete as possible. I held my ground that I had to leave immediately for over one and a half hours with my boss. And I did it. Never mind that I broke down after it. But I did it.

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