It never fails to shock me how a tip is demanded in the US. People simply refuse to listen to reason when we (yes, there are others!) tell them that leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Well, I’m hoping for too much here, but if you’re a waiter, here are 5 reasons why I will try my best not to give any money to you and why the reasons for tipping are crappy.
1. You act as if you’re my best friend
Just leave me alone ok? I don’t want to bloody chit chat with you. I want food. FOOD! Get it? It’s a restaurant. I go there to eat. I go because I want either Italian food, Chinese Food or something else which I can’t get in a McDonald’s. So I come to a restaurant to fulfill my cravings for it. I will pay for what I value – food. Not you.
Christ, you offend me – kneeling down next to my table, pretending to like me and chatting as if you’re my best friend when it’s obvious that all you’re after is the tip! I’m not a bloody money bag you know. I will pay the bill which includes the cost of the food, the environment and the salaries of the people involved – nothing more.
The only way to get money out of me that I don’t have to legally pay is by prying it out of my cold dead hands…
Bottom line: I don’t want to know your name, or interact with you for any longer than I have to in order to place my order. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the equivalent of a conveyor belt that brings me my food and a computer into which I input my order. Of course, I won’t be rude. But don’t expect me to interact with you any more than I would with some stranger.
Image Credit: cafemama
2. You don’t get paid enough
And this is my problem how exactly? It’s astonishing that customers are expected to make up for your employer’s cheapness in not paying you a decent wage. Please include the full cost in everyone’s bill thank you very much. I’ll pay it because I have to and the charge is there for me to see.
What’s really funny here is that no one seems to criticize the employers! All criticism is reserved for non tipping customers instead of the owners of the restaurant for not paying a decent wage. Wtf! Could it possibly be because you guys know you can make much more by tips and under report your income to the IRS?
3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?
And I’ll shoot your kid if you don’t give me a million dollars. Seriously, am I even hearing this right? You’re actually using the threat of blackmail to make me pay you? Well as long as you’re openly claiming to be a criminal it’s all right I guess.
Fortunately that’s why I prefer buffets. Listen apart from it being illegal, this shows your poor integrity. But if you spit in someone’s food because they didn’t give you money you didn’t earn, then you’re a loser and deserve to be a waiter for the rest of your life.
4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra
Did you cook it? Did you invent it? No. You picked it up and brought it to me. While it might not be easy, there are plenty of jobs which are much worse – shop floor workers for example. And I’ve been a shop floor manager, so I know. Face it – compared to other jobs, being a waiter is unskilled. You get paid what the market will think your services are worth. You don’t deserve more for your work over and above what your employer should pay you.
5. Money doesn’t grow on trees
I expect you to be grateful and pray for me at night if I tip you 10%. Be happy I gave you anything at all. I worked for the money in my wallet and by giving you some I didn’t have to, I’m doing you a favor. Learn to remember that when people give you something they don’t need to, it’s a favor. You don’t complain that they didn’t give you more!
By the way, the same thing above applies to all professions that demand tips including those on cruise liners.
So now that you understand why I won’t give you money you don’t deserve, stop with the “oh how could you?” attitude. I can. And I will.
Update: Here’s a rebuttal of the many silly justifications for tipping that people have given in the comments section.
You are expected to tip, whether that is fair or necessary is another thing. If you don’t like it, stay away. You want to enjoy nice food without the tipping part, well that is not an option that they offer. They have set up their stall, you know what to expect, you can take it or leave it. I’m sure if you looked hard enough you would find a place with amazing food and minimum to no waiting service that refuse tips – give those guys your money instead.
In reply to Neil
“You are expected…”
There’s your problem right there. Unless those expectations are specified in writing, or otherwise explicitly made clear by the restaurant by default, there are no valid expectations.
In reply to Neil
“You are expected to tip, whether that is fair or necessary is another thing. If you don’t like it, stay away. ”
Sorry to butt in haha but I don’t really agree with that. I don’t see waiters or other professions where tipping is “expected” ever demanding an end to tipping and a better wage instead, because it is more profitable to make money off of tips. So perhaps if enough customers refused to tip or tipped less this would make employers A. Pay their employees better because they are now not earning a living wage or B. Explicitly include a service charge on the bill (as it’s done practically everywhere else). I am fine with either of the outcomes!
If being expected to tip is a problem for you, then go to that restaurant. You like to have everything in writing, you like everything to pay to be on the bill, I get that. Restaurants don’t do that, so don’t visit them.
In reply to Neil
“Restaurants don’t do that”
Not my problem. If they want me to tip, they have to make that expectation clear. Tough luck for them.
*then don’t go to that restaurant
You already said “The guilty feeling is a big turn off for me as well.” You are subjecting yourself to a situation where you feel guilty or at least uncomfortable. You needed to express your feelings with this blog as a way to explain and justify not tipping. So it IS a big issue for you. Why put yourself through that when you can just avoid restaurants all together.
In reply to Neil
Cause I like the food? Why should I deprive myself of that just because of emotional blackmail by waiters?
Is it really blackmail, or your own neurosis?
You feel bad about not tipping , even though you are firm in your beliefs that tipping is wrong. If you can’t get over that, you should just avoid the situation completely.
Besides, if you want to stand by your values, you should be prepared to sacrifice the experience of having a nice meal so that you aren’t giving money to businesses that expect tips from their customers.
In reply to Neil
I stand by my values by resisting the waiter’s attempts to squeeze money out of me. I have nothing against the business which hasn’t told me anything either way.
“I stand by my values by resisting the waiter’s attempts to squeeze money out of me”.
What are we actually talking about here? What are the waiters actually saying/doing?
In reply to Neil
I’ve had waiters actually follow me out to the parking lot demanding tips. It’s pretty funny.
In reply to bhagwad
Really? I’ve never had a server do that with me, even if I didn’t leave a tip. Whoever does that should be fired on the spot. Anyway, I tip. Do I feel guilty? No. Do I feel like I have to tip? No. Am I pressured to? No. Every reason you’ve come up with has never crossed my mind before. Do I think it’s right to tip no matter what? No. I love my money, I worked hard for it, so I don’t give it away carelessly. If I can get away with not spending ANY money at a restaurant, I will attempt it. However, I always tip if I feel the server deserves it, even if I didn’t pay for the meal.
Before I make any more points, it’s best to fill you in that I live in Omaha, NE.
I’ve never had a server “hover over me” like you guys claim has happened. I’ve never had people attempt to be my “fake best friend”. I’ve had servers not care at all, but not servers that pretend to be my long lost relative. But of course, I live in Nebraska, that might have something to do with it. I love tipping, if he or she did their job impressively, because the server will attempt to serve me, over anyone else, when I come back. They’ll remember my name, converse with me and a real business relationship will form out of this. I can’t tell you how many times that tipping has given me some kind of benefit in another part of my life. I use it to network, now I have a great mechanic that will fix my cars for free, provided I buy the parts. I have a computer technician, in case I’m ever stumped with my hardware. I’ve used some of these same connections to actually secure a job, which I work at now, when any other avenue of seeking a job failed. I’m actually quite satisified.
So, keep on not tipping Bhagwad. I don’t care, that is your prerogative. I won’t argue either way with your decisions. Maybe you’ve gotten connections, jobs, free help and benefited FAR more than me, by not tipping. It works for you, unfortunately what works for one, never works for EVERYone.
“I’ve had waiters actually follow me out to the parking lot demanding tips. It’s pretty funny.”
Right, so in this particular (extreme) circumstance, you could complain to the manager. If the manager takes the side of the server (agrees that you should tip) then that goes against the whole “business hasn’t told me anything either way” stance and you know never to visit that restaurant again.
What else do they do to “squeeze money” out of you?
In reply to Neil
Wait…what are we arguing about again?
In reply to bhagwad
By the way, Bhagwad. I’d appreciate it if you’d fix your email links. Whenever I get a notification of a response, the link sends me to a page that says it’s not found. I have to hunt for this page every time.
In reply to Jake
Hmm…thanks. Let me look into it.
“I stand by my values by resisting the waiter’s attempts to squeeze money out of me”.
What are we actually talking about here? What are the waiters actually saying/doing?
In reply to Neil
Until the first waiter followed me out for not tipping, nothing.
Then I went on a cruise and found the tipping experience horrible since they withheld my money for tips and I had to claim it back: http://www.bhagwad.com/blog/2009/philosophy/cruise-gratuities-and-tipping.html/
That started my interest in this whole “tipping culture” and I decided to fight against it.
Then of course, waiters like those commenting here demanding tips. That’s what I’m against. I’m against the sense of entitlement. Obviously no one’s physically forcing me to tip. That would be illegal.
Right, so you accept that – aside from 2 isolated incidents – when you eat out, waiters tend to say nothing and do nothing when you decline to eave a tip. Is that correct?
If so, I don”t understand the statement: ““I stand by my values by resisting the waiter’s attempts to squeeze money out of me”. If there is nothing done or said, they aren’t actively doing anything to pressure you , so there is nothing to “resist” !
In reply to Neil
“waiters tend to say nothing and do nothing…”
Read the comments here to find out what waiters have to say about tipping. I’m sure you’ll find it enlightening. Are you seriously claiming after all this time that waiters don’t want you to tip them?
How is this going anywhere towards your stand that tipping is ok?
To all of the try-hards here with tipping. I’ve worked at Ryans buffet and bakery for over 2 years now. My co-workers, whom I interact with a lot, generally receive 7.25 an hour. Then I found out how much the waitresses were making in the restaurant: 100’s and 100’s of dollars a night. I asked “How??” Then realized it was the tips they were making. I once saw a girl count out over 1,200 in a single night…for literally only filling up cups. Why only filling up cups? In a buffet, people get their own food, so all the waitresses have to do is fill glasses. Meanwhile, I am serving 100’s of people a night all you can eat steak, and I don’t get a tip. I interact JUST as much with the customer, yet I get x10 less than the whiny little whores screaming “pay me money PAY ME MONEY!” I’m tired of being treated unfairly, and have called the IRS directly many times, and have had many waitresses fired for stealing, technically (not claiming tips), and for harassing customers who don’t leave them extra money on the table because they did their job, as I did mine. Meanwhile, I worked 16 hours that day, and got what a server gets in….1/2 an hour? Bullshit.