It never fails to shock me how a tip is demanded in the US. People simply refuse to listen to reason when we (yes, there are others!) tell them that leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Well, I’m hoping for too much here, but if you’re a waiter, here are 5 reasons why I will try my best not to give any money to you and why the reasons for tipping are crappy.
1. You act as if you’re my best friend
Just leave me alone ok? I don’t want to bloody chit chat with you. I want food. FOOD! Get it? It’s a restaurant. I go there to eat. I go because I want either Italian food, Chinese Food or something else which I can’t get in a McDonald’s. So I come to a restaurant to fulfill my cravings for it. I will pay for what I value – food. Not you.
Christ, you offend me – kneeling down next to my table, pretending to like me and chatting as if you’re my best friend when it’s obvious that all you’re after is the tip! I’m not a bloody money bag you know. I will pay the bill which includes the cost of the food, the environment and the salaries of the people involved – nothing more.
The only way to get money out of me that I don’t have to legally pay is by prying it out of my cold dead hands…
Bottom line: I don’t want to know your name, or interact with you for any longer than I have to in order to place my order. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the equivalent of a conveyor belt that brings me my food and a computer into which I input my order. Of course, I won’t be rude. But don’t expect me to interact with you any more than I would with some stranger.
Image Credit: cafemama
2. You don’t get paid enough
And this is my problem how exactly? It’s astonishing that customers are expected to make up for your employer’s cheapness in not paying you a decent wage. Please include the full cost in everyone’s bill thank you very much. I’ll pay it because I have to and the charge is there for me to see.
What’s really funny here is that no one seems to criticize the employers! All criticism is reserved for non tipping customers instead of the owners of the restaurant for not paying a decent wage. Wtf! Could it possibly be because you guys know you can make much more by tips and under report your income to the IRS?
3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?
And I’ll shoot your kid if you don’t give me a million dollars. Seriously, am I even hearing this right? You’re actually using the threat of blackmail to make me pay you? Well as long as you’re openly claiming to be a criminal it’s all right I guess.
Fortunately that’s why I prefer buffets. Listen apart from it being illegal, this shows your poor integrity. But if you spit in someone’s food because they didn’t give you money you didn’t earn, then you’re a loser and deserve to be a waiter for the rest of your life.
4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra
Did you cook it? Did you invent it? No. You picked it up and brought it to me. While it might not be easy, there are plenty of jobs which are much worse – shop floor workers for example. And I’ve been a shop floor manager, so I know. Face it – compared to other jobs, being a waiter is unskilled. You get paid what the market will think your services are worth. You don’t deserve more for your work over and above what your employer should pay you.
5. Money doesn’t grow on trees
I expect you to be grateful and pray for me at night if I tip you 10%. Be happy I gave you anything at all. I worked for the money in my wallet and by giving you some I didn’t have to, I’m doing you a favor. Learn to remember that when people give you something they don’t need to, it’s a favor. You don’t complain that they didn’t give you more!
By the way, the same thing above applies to all professions that demand tips including those on cruise liners.
So now that you understand why I won’t give you money you don’t deserve, stop with the “oh how could you?” attitude. I can. And I will.
Update: Here’s a rebuttal of the many silly justifications for tipping that people have given in the comments section.
By the way.
I had one old man (he was 77, I haven’t seen him in a while that worries me, a wonderful man named Joshua) come into my restaurant one day and I remember I didn’t really talk much to him – as I usually don’t with my guests. He was just another customer. I greet him, take his order, and get him out. He was pleasant through our brief icebreaking conversations so I told him that if he requests me as a server, I’ll make sure he gets perfect service every time.
He kept coming back and he got chattier and chattier the more he did. I never had a problem talking to him unless I was busy and even then, I found myself wanting to hear out his stories. Fascinating guy – as an Asian man, not of Vietnamese decent but nonetheless, he could treat me with no disdain even after having fought in Vietnam in his early 20’s as an officer. He went off to become a lawyer and eventually made his own firm in Princeton.
Turns out the guy was lonely. Wife died not too long ago and his kids don’t visit him. He gave me some sound life advice, financial advice, any wisdom he could offer me. I’ll never forget him because despite how much more he’d accomplished than I have so far, he told me he sees potential in me and never to lose sight of myself and family.
Witness, a man who knew to be humble, no matter how much money he had to his name. THIS is a real man. Not you. No, you sit on some pedestal and treat others as beneath you. Maybe you should stop talking about real jobs and acquire some traits that make you a real human being. He paid his way through college as a waiter, served in battle, made millions as a lawyer. Guess what? He gave me the best tip I ever received of $100 on a whopping $25 bill he racked up for lunch.
Look at yourself in the mirror. I hope you see the day when you realize your success is nothing when you have no one left to share it with. Maybe then that will be your awakening. When you’re old and fragile and no amount of money can satiate your loneliness and faced with the shock of your own mortality, despite your grand ego you have now. Indulge while you can. Such attitudes and the way you treat people will come back to you – this I’m sure.
In reply to Wow. You are a sad excuse for a man.
He only tipped you $100 from a moment of weakness, because he felt sorry for you
dumbass. A grown man waiting tables is pathetic. It was probably more convenient for him to give you the hundred dollars then put it back in his pocket.
Not only are you beneath me, but the hired help should only speak when spoken to and when describing the evening menu.
My success will be passed on to future generations. When I am old and fragile, I will continue to be enjoying a luxurious lifestyle. You will still be waiting tables living paycheck to paycheck.
In reply to $Bill
Jesus Christ! I live a luxurious life, and even I think that you’re a loser. I didn’t even know that bottom-feeders like you still exist. Did you pour blood, sweat, and tears into your wealth? Because it sounds like you’re a trust fund brat, who has absolutely no knowledge on the actual value of money. I’m sure that you think that your bank account defines your social status, but you’re an asshole, and I would send your ass packing if you were an employee of mine.
The only place that this world holds for you, is a script in a motion picture. We watch you for entertainment, to mock you, and laugh together as you crash and burn.
I’m not saying that you will lose your wealth. You’re clearly too cheap to even pay a tip. But, nobody is going to miss you when you’re gone. They’re just going to pretend to, in hopes that their name is on that will.
In reply to Kal
Throwing away money is incompatible with wealth. No one who has earned their wealth legitimately would willingly give away their hard-earned money to people who haven’t earned it.
You know the type of people who willingly hand over money to strangers for work they’re already paid to do? People who don’t understand the value of money. People who haven’t had to actually put the work and sweat into earning that money.
Just ask Nic Cage what happens when you throw money around because it comes easy. You think he likes doing the garbage he has to resort to?
In reply to Wow. You are a sad excuse for a man.
You are a douchbag waiter that survives of the kindness of others. You are a scum bag piece of shit. Get a real job asshole.
Perfect! I agree wholeheartedly. Waiters and waitresses should be paid more. I have never understood the concept of paying wait staff less than the minimum wage. It’s ridiculous.
All I have to say is wow.
$bill ……. you are a piece of work.
You were obviously born into a family of privilege. Your father owned a precious metals factory. You have just shown how truly entitled you think you are.
Unfortunately, there are alot of people who have to go to university to make something of themselves, and have to wait tables to get them through it.
Because you see, they don’t have daddy to offer them a job in their precious metals factory!
Just to let you know, someone in university is technically an adult. Am i not right? So why on earth would you say that someone waiting tables to pay for university is something no ADULT should do? You do know that you have to legally be an adult to serve alcohol right? What gives you the right to say that they shouldn’t speak unless spoken to? Who do you think you are?
Or how about the single mother whose husband left her and has to raise 2 kids all by herself? Does that make you better than her? What if she was on her period, didn’t sleep, and she feels she is having her worst day ever, and couldn’t provide excellent customer service to you. Are you going to deny her $2 ?
The only difference between you and them is that your dad had money and gave you an opportunity. Good on you that you seized that opportunity. I give you props.
You have the same anatomy and genitals as everyone else. You breath the same air and drink the same water. If you were truly better than everyone like you say, you would have compassion. You would know you are a leader, and use that leadership capability to better yourself and others. You know the way the restaurant business works. You are just being a douche.
If I was EVER sitting at a table with a man or a woman like you I would surely not tolerate that behavior. I would right out scold you in front of the waiter and everyone at the table and embarrass you. You just show no class by being that way.
ABSOLUTELY NO CLASS WHATSOEVER.
Honestly, I think you are probably angry that the big man upstairs gave you an extremely less than average endowment. Just sayin…… ;)
In reply to MEF
$Bill may come from money, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t earn what he has. He started his own business, and manages. He went to school.
You criticize him, but what about me? What about Zeus? We both have fairly humble beginnings, yet we don’t make excuses. I was HOMELESS, and yet I don’t believe in giving people money they haven’t earned. I went to college as a single father and yet not once did I whine that I deserved extra money for something I was being paid to do, for an amount I agreed to do it for. You want more money you do the work to get it – whether it’s going to college (and no, it’s not the customer’s job to pay for your college degree), or getting a better paying job.
My mother was a single parent too – my dad died when I was only a year old – but she didn’t expect strangers to pity her and give her extra money for her work, either.
There are others who have commented here as well, who have started out from lowly beginnings, who agree there is no justifiable reason to tip, because there really isn’t one. You can’t play the “poor me” card, because I’ve been homeless and never played it. You can’t play the “poor college student” card, because I’ve been the poor college student. You can’t play the “they work so hard” card because getting a degree is so much more work (as well as the average job that is usually the result), and there are many jobs that work just as hard or harder for the same pay, and Zeus has definitely worked harder than the average server.
In reply to MEF
I made my own money jerk wad. The factory was my fathers accomplishment. The truth is I saw no real future growth in the business. It was very profitable but the factory is dirty and dangerous by nature. I wanted no part of it.
I received a PhD in nuclear medicine. I own a Compounding Laboratory Factory that manufactures customized drugs. We also grow and produce pure cannabis extractions for medical and recreational uses. I hold 3 drug patents, and next year will be listed as a publicly traded company.
You are an immature child that makes cracks that you think I am poorly endowed.
I feel sorry for you, you are pathetic and will never have anything but a poor, struggling, frustrating life. We are not in Elementary school grow up.
As I am sure you have figured out by now, I made my own success. When you decide to grow up get a real job. No tip for you waiter boy.
Not everybody has the gift of literacy. Not everyone is book smart. Not everyone can get an education, because not everyone is the same.
Some people cannot learn the same as others. That does not mean they are beneath you or anybody.
It doesn’t matter if you were homeless. The fact that you could actually sit in front of math problems and figure them out or read a book and write a paper on it is something which you physically and mentally are capable of accomplishing.
Some people are dyslexic, or have a learning disability which stops them from ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDING what they are reading.
Some people, no matter how hard they try, cannot figure out math, or cannot read a book. But, they can take apart a whole engine and rebuild it and tell you exactly how it works. It’s weird how the mind works.
If you were a true leader, you and $bill would realize this.
What you and $bill also don’t realize is that not all restaurants comply with those by- laws. Sure, they may reimburse them to make their minimum wage a few times, but if the restaurant has to reimburse them every week, the restaurant will fire them. If the restaurant can keep paying them the minimum they get to keep their job. Do you and $bill not realize this?
So, if a poor server gets assholes like you guys coming in for 3 weeks straight and gets no tips because you think the restaurant should pay them the minimum wage regardless, she will probably lose her job.
Do you not get it?
Maybe that woman serving you or that man is a single parent, had gone to college, has a decent job, but is serving tables in the evening because they need that second income to possibly send their kid to school.
THAT DOES NOT MAKE THEM PATHETIC WHATSOEVER. IT MAKES THEM A HERO FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
The fact that $bill can sit there and say “a grown man serving tables is pathetic”, is so horribly wrong. You have no idea why he waiting tables. Maybe he has a sick mother and that is his second job to pay her medical bills. You have no clue. And you will never know. The fact that he doesn’t even think like this shows how he has been spoiled, thinks he is entitled, and has no compassion or class. $bill actually sounds like Donald Trump. And you sound like the uneducated American that agrees with Trump.
You will never know what cards have been dealt to anybody. Some people are dealt pocket aces, and others have been dealt a 3 and 4…….. everybody has a different fight. If you can honestly sit there and justify this stupid argument as being morally and ethically right, then you and $bill are part of the corporate greed and entitlement that will surely be the death of this planet.
In reply to MEF
And yet there are people who are learning disabled who still succeed in life. https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/personal-stories/famous-people/success-stories-celebrities-with-dyslexia-adhd-and-dyscalculia
I’m fairly certain that most servers need to reasonably be able to read and do basic math, though.
I was a math tutor, I HELPED people figure out math.
Also, they aren’t bylaws. They’re actual laws. And if the company doesn’t follow the laws, it’s not the customer’s fault or problem. If you keep working for a company that breaks the laws, that’s your choice. If you don’t report them, or don’t sue them, that’s your decision. At no point is this the customer’s responsibility, or choice.
It seems YOU are the one who doesn’t get it.
I’ve pointed out I was a single parent. I’ve pointed out I’ve had horrible points in my life most people, including the AVERAGE server, hasn’t had to live through. There is no “poor me” card that justifies giving people money for something they’re already paid to do.
It does not matter what “cards” were dealt to them. Zeus, Bill, and I have all had different cards – that’s the point. We’ve all had differences in difficulty in our lives. You take what you’re dealt and you work with it, or work toward a better hand, but you never expect your neighbor to give you their cards just because they’re doing better.
In reply to MEF
My factory has a lot of bathrooms. You sound like you’re perfectly qualified to scrub toilets and mop floors. The world needs unskilled people like you. You can make it sparkle with your toilet brush.
Takes a little bit more training than a waiter job though. Might be too complicated for you. On second thought being a server may be all you will ever be.
$Bill and What a joke….. Yes you are a joke I have to agree,
All I can say is your OPINIONS are just projections, pathetic, petty, childish and extremely warped your arguments really have showed your severe insecurities and said so much about yourselves in a very negative way that you obviously can’t see.
You both lack what makes a person a human being therefor you both are nothing but empty shells with sadly only messed up ignorant opinions inside, you love the drama this post has created which shows you live a sad and pathetic “life” and you both are quite sadistic.
This is nothing a normal human being would be proud of and a normal human being does not feel belittled by what you have said because they do not think in such a mentally retarded way they know it is you two who are the problem not them and it is you who is beneath them because of the “people” (for lack of a better word) you are.
You both show Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the Melignant type I would say you really need to seek help to fix the problem (which is yourselves) but I know there is no cure for that Mental Disoreder,
But I also know as bad as it is for other people around you to put up with you two it is even worse living inside your own heads, we can get away from you, we can get off this site shut off the computer and you no longer exist to us but you both cannot, you are stuck with yourselves stuck inside your own heads there is no peace for you both you pay every minute of every day for what you are just what you deserve!
And really nobody cares what you have to say you are NOT important you are just a menace to society so please…… Get over yourselves!
In reply to AW
**”All I can say is your OPINIONS are just projections, pathetic, petty, childish and extremely warped your arguments really have showed your severe insecurities and said so much about yourselves in a very negative way that you obviously can’t see.”**
Sorry, I state facts, not merely opinions. I also back up what I say with sources. You can say all you want about our arguments being warped, but I provide proof with links from the Department of Labor and Federal laws. I use actual logic. Using facts and logic are not “projections, pathetic, petty, childish, and extremely warped.” That’s more descriptive of holding on to opinion despite facts and logic.
**”You both lack what makes a person a human being therefor you both are nothing but empty shells with sadly only messed up ignorant opinions inside, you love the drama this post has created which shows you live a sad and pathetic “life” and you both are quite sadistic.”**
I donate money to charities and scholarship funds. I volunteer at shelters and soup kitchens. I use the money I’ve worked hard to earn to ensure people I love find enjoyment in life. I make sure my children develop a decent work ethic and understand the importance of hard work so that they can succeed in life. There’s nothing sad or pathetic about my life, and I’m certainly not sadistic.
The fact that I believe in teaching a man to fish instead of giving them the fish does not make me a bad person.
**”This is nothing a normal human being would be proud of and a normal human being does not feel belittled by what you have said because they do not think in such a mentally retarded way they know it is you two who are the problem not them and it is you who is beneath them because of the “people” (for lack of a better word) you are.”**
What do you mean by normal human beings? Because, worldwide, more people agree with us than not. That would make them NORMAL human beings. Most of the world that DOES tip only tips a small amount (like rounding to the next whole bill/euro/whatever), and only when service is exceptionally good. The rest doesn’t tip at all, or even considers tipping insulting. The majority of the world does not consider tipping an expectation.
**”You both show Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the Melignant type I would say you really need to seek help to fix the problem (which is yourselves) but I know there is no cure for that Mental Disoreder,”**
We’re not the ones whining here that we deserve special treatment because our lives are so terrible that we should be given money just for being us.
Also, if you’re going to try to use big words you might want to at least use a spellcheck.
**”But I also know as bad as it is for other people around you to put up with you two it is even worse living inside your own heads, we can get away from you, we can get off this site shut off the computer and you no longer exist to us but you both cannot, you are stuck with yourselves stuck inside your own heads there is no peace for you both you pay every minute of every day for what you are just what you deserve!”**
Again, I’m fairly well liked. This isn’t narcissism, either, it’s simply a fact. I imagine you keep making this crap up in your head because you simply can’t accept that anyone who doesn’t think the fucked up way you think could possibly be well liked. Like I said – most of the world agrees with us. Even in America most people think tips are bullshit. There are countless articles about why tipping is BS. Videos on YouTube. Just because people are scared to say it doesn’t make it not true.
**”And really nobody cares what you have to say you are NOT important you are just a menace to society so please…… Get over yourselves!”**
I can almost guarantee I’ve had a positive effect on more people’s lives than you. Between my volunteer work, my charity contributions, my donations to scholarships to help other students (who earn it) get through college. Even my tutoring – I’ve had many tutees who have directly stated they’d never have completed math classes simply because I was able to explain things in a way they could understand.
In reply to What a joke
Your reply just confirmed What I had said it was a typical reply from someone with NPD and if you know anything about it you would know saying that you are so well liked by everyone does not disprove Narcissim (NPD) as the thing they are most known for is the false charm and how they can make everyone like them and suck them in and think the NPD “person” is a great guy/women….until they truly get to know the real person behind the mask they project onto society,
And it does not suprise me that many “people” would agree with your OPINIONS as studies show we now live in a time where Narcissism is at it’s highest you say you like to find the facts well take a look at them facts something that is actually important and relates to yourself……,
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
Mark Twain
Just because something is of the majority does not make it right or correct history has proven that time and again and the only way someone can ever understand this is if they were capable of feeling human emotions and have the intelligence to comprehend it and you do not and cannot therefor this will go straight over your head.
Discrimination, ignorance, false inflated self worth, projection and deflection are just a small number of things you have done on this site, studies have proven this behaviour in a “person” shows little to no intelligence and it also shows without a doubt NPD.
You are an idiot by medical definition!
In reply to AW
**”Your reply just confirmed What I had said it was a typical reply from someone with NPD and if you know anything about it you would know saying that you are so well liked by everyone does not disprove Narcissim (NPD) as the thing they are most known for is the false charm and how they can make everyone like them and suck them in and think the NPD “person” is a great guy/women….until they truly get to know the real person behind the mask they project onto society,”**
That’s not how it works lol. You can’t claim that somebody makes life miserable for people around them, then, when they point out that it isn’t true with examples, claim they are narcissistic. It is simply pointing out that you’re factually incorrect. The fact that you can’t accept the facts and prefer to make excuses to ignore them is denialism, and your continued comments which do not even relate to the topic at hand are further evidence of this due to the fact you are avoiding confronting the facts.
Also, you talk about putting on masks is a sign of narcissism. You act as if you’re altruistic and a good person, yet you’re here attacking people because you don’t agree with them, and can’t actually prove the facts that they present wrong. You’re fitting your own description of narcissism far better than we do.
Pretty sure I’ve mention my mom was a psychologist before. I hope you don’t fancy yourself one, because you would lead to all sorts of false diagnoses and treatments.
**”And it does not suprise me that many “people” would agree with your OPINIONS as studies show we now live in a time where Narcissism is at it’s highest you say you like to find the facts well take a look at them facts something that is actually important and relates to yourself……,”**
I’m not talking about individuals. I am talking about the world – again, this is verifiable fact. Funny, you claimed to be the “normal” one, but now suddenly being the normal (average) is the bad, narcissistic thing when it doesn’t agree with you.
**”“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
Mark Twain
Just because something is of the majority does not make it right or correct history has proven that time and again and the only way someone can ever understand this is if they were capable of feeling human emotions and have the intelligence to comprehend it and you do not and cannot therefor this will go straight over your head.”**
Funny, your last comment was claiming that most people do it, and many servers here have tried to justify tipping because it’s historical. You are arguing against the common argument and contradicting yourself.
**”Discrimination, ignorance, false inflated self worth, projection and deflection are just a small number of things you have done on this site, studies have proven this behaviour in a “person” shows little to no intelligence and it also shows without a doubt NPD.”**
You mean how you make classist judgments and assumptions about Bill simply because he came from a family with money? Or are you referring to the dozens of racist comments by servers?
You say ignorance, yet you haven’t actually proven it, while at the same time (again) denying facts related to the matter. Ignorance is lack of knowledge, yet we haven’t demonstrated any lack of knowledge.
**”You are an idiot by medical definition!”**
Medical definition of idiot is a person with severe mental retardation. See, your stating that given everything else you have said here implies you have a poor opinion of actual idiots. Seems fairly discriminatory.
Unfortunately for you, there’s not even remote evidence supporting the accusation, not the accusations of being a narcissist.
However, I’ll note your unsubstantiated attack on me, while not arguing the topic at hand, contradicting yourself by going from accusations that we aren’t the “normal” ones to claiming that being “normal” is wrong (as long as you have the belief that you are the “right” one without any actual evidence to support it), and your pretense that you are a good person while doing so all fit right into narcissism as you describe it.
When Narcissists Argue!
First, narcissists don’t really argue, do they? No, they attack. If you don’t understand that the only goal of a narcissist in an argument is to win, you will find yourself at a terrible disadvantage. He doesn’t really care to understand your opinion or your ideas. He just wants you to shut up in humiliation, especially if you dared to challenge his idea.
Too strong? Not really. Those who have lived or worked with narcissists know what I mean. In fact, this may be the first time you have heard anyone state it as strongly as you have experienced it. Very often it is during an argument when the true colors of the narcissist can be seen.
Yesterday I wrote about ad hominem arguments. The narcissist is often a master at this fallacy. In fact, he may do it in a way that you don’t even recognize as such. When he says, “But is that wise?” he may be suggesting that you are too stupid to get his point. When he says that he understands how you could think that, you wonder if he just disrespected you. Or he may do it in a way that seems gross and unfair. He may remind you of some foolish decision you made or say something about your parents. This tactic will change the argument, probably even end it.
Why does he do this? Because he is insecure. When the narcissist is challenged, he must win using any method necessary and as quickly as possible. He will also try to win decisively so the topic won’t come up again. He cannot afford to look foolish or wrong and he simply won’t take the chance.
Most people simply give up arguing with their narcissist. It costs too much and it never ends well. I would suggest that this be considered a tactic of control, rather than a position of defeat. By refusing to argue, you disarm the narcissist. He or she will be frustrated to realize that you are not overcome by his thinking. Just be prepared to listen to a long one-sided argument.
We’ve all met a Narcissist one at some point. A man or woman who seems to believe they are the center of the universe. Arrogant, callous and manipulative, they force the world around them to accommodate this belief.
Self-important and conceited, the narcissist exaggerates accomplishments, requires endless praise, and has an uncanny ability to quash the achievements of others. They lack empathy and don’t seem aware that you are a whole person with your own needs. In fact, you’re only a useful tool, something to extract admiration from. The narcissist believes they’re entitled to everything, including your time, your emotions and your self-esteem.
The dramatic attempts to hold your attention make your life seem tragic and fraught with anxiety. Being perpetually cut down so that the narcissist can be “better than,” destroys self-confidence and eventually leads you down a spiral of gloom.
Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that the narcissist is someone who has “buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.” This alternate persona to the real self often comes across as grandiose, “above others,” self-absorbed, and highly conceited. In our highly individualistic and externally driven society, mild to severe forms of narcissism are not only pervasive but often encouraged.
Narcissism is often interpreted in popular culture as a person who’s in love with him or herself. It is more accurate to characterize the pathological narcissist as someone who’s in love with an idealized self-image, which they project in order to avoid feeling (and being seen as) the real, disenfranchised, wounded self. Deep down, most pathological narcissists feel like the “ugly duckling,” even if they painfully don’t want to admit it.
The fact that you think they *should* be paid more by their employer doesn’t change the fact that the law specifically lowers minimum wage in most regions for servers because of the expectation of tips. Your utopia doesn’t exist, so tip your waiter for the work they did.
As to whether bringing your food is worth anything, they also enter your order and take care of complaints. They cleaned your table and will pick up your garbage. They’re working for your enjoyment, pay them for it if they do a good job — its called a tip.
In reply to Michael T. Babcock
You are factually incorrect, Mr. Babcock. Federal law requires that servers be compensated minimum wage with or without tips. If a server fails to earn enough in tips to make minimum wage, their employer must pay them the difference. The “lower” minimum for them is actually a tip credit, and is actually a deduction BECAUSE they MADE tips, not because they CAN make tips.
http://webapps.dol.gov/elaws/faq/esa/flsa/002.htm
(PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING SO I DON’T HAVE TO POINT OUT WHAT YOU MISSED)
As for the “other things” they do, people do those in all sorts of service jobs that pay minimum wage, and they don’t get tips. Servers are the employees of the restaurant, it’s the restaurant’s responsibility to pay them, same as any other job, and this is backed by the law.
In reply to Michael T. Babcock
I’m actually not as picky as most customers. Sure, I deserve to be treated as royalty, but the servant doesn’t need to remove the plates as soon as I am done with them. They get no tip either way. I just got back from having a fabulous dinner with my girlfriend. The restaurant was pretty busy for a Saturday night. I had the waitress wait on us for over 2 hours. We were there so long that the initial waitress went on break and we got a replacement one. The bill was $224. Neither waitress got a tip from us. Sure, we made them work their asses off in the busy environment, but that’s what they are being paid to do. The wealthy deserve to be treated with respect. I also didn’t tip the valet attendant when we left. Him being able to drive my custom Porsche should be an honor he will cherish for life.
In reply to Zeus
Zeus, I would love to know more about your custom Porsche. My daughter just graduated from Yale. I got her the new Porsche 911 Turbo S Cabriolet. Porsche is my favorite car because it also makes a great every day car. I sold the Ferrari because going over bumps was punishing.
Glad you took my advice to relax a bit and be pampered. I never do valet parking. The thought of a simpleton with sticky fingers driving my car repulses me. The valet should be paying me for the privilege of parking such a fine automobile.
This is what we had for dinner last night. Kobe tenderloin with a truffle demi-glaze. Sautéed white wine spinach with garlic. Truffle infused blue mashed potatoes. Crème brûlée with Cointreau soaked raspberries for dessert. One hour 45 minutes, six people, no tip.
Then we all enjoyed my glass enclosed deck jacuzzi. Overlooking the mountain scenery drinking cappuccino with chocolate covered cherries we brought back from Switzerland.
Zeus it takes practice to relax properly, I am still learning.
In reply to $Bill
$Bill- I just picked up my 2017 Porsche 911 Carrera S Convertible 5 days ago. It is a nice ride indeed and my first Porsche purchace. I ordered her 6 months ago. I still love my 2016 Maserati GranTurismo MC Convertible, but have been having some unresolved mechanical issues with it. I might have to get a 911 Turbo for my next purchase as you give it high reviews. I’ve been taking a lot of time off lately. Thanks for the advice as I’m enjoying life so much better now. I’m not as stressed anymore and get to spend a lot more time with my girl. My business interests have been thriving even when I’m not as active as I used to be.
In reply to Zeus
Zeus you sound more relaxed.
Your Carrera is a nice ride. The 911 turbo just has a bigger engine option. The difference between the two, is just personal choice. Enjoy it in good health. My grandmother used to tell me that.
In reply to $Bill
$Bill, what is the name of that buffet you talk so highly of? I’m thinking about taking a trip to the east coast next weekend and am dying to try that place out. Do I need to make a reservation?
In reply to Michael T. Babcock
Waiting on me hand and foot. Putting the linen napkin on my lap. Hot towels to clean our hands after the oyster appetizer. Cleaning dirty dishes and crumbs from our table is your job. If you want a tip, seriously get a real job.
As an adult doing such pathetic labors, you should be ashamed.
As I said, it would all go over your head and it did I said nothing in regards to the original “conversation” of tips and the people who work for them because I DONT care that is just your OPINION on whether you think they deserve to be tipped or not and your opinion is irrelevant!
I commented because it was YOU and a small amount of others who were attacking people and their employement positions for no good reason other than your own false sense of self worth and insecurities among many other reasons and to put in a nut shell due to your NPD.
I did that not to go on attack at all that is just your perception of it but to defend the people you were attacking and to hopefully show them that it is because of your own mental illness and that you are the one with the problem which has nothing to do with them and not to carry YOUR issues on their shoulders!
My main reasons for commenting on here were for the decent people here that go out and work hard for their money no matter the job they do, the fact that they work so hard for such little pay says a lot about them as a person and all good things anyone who does that should be very proud!
You can twist what I say however you want I again DONT care because no matter your perception no matter your opinions or delusions it does not change the facts and of WHAT you are!.
In reply to AW
**”As I said, it would all go over your head and it did I said nothing in regards to the original “conversation” of tips and the people who work for them because I DONT care that is just your OPINION on whether you think they deserve to be tipped or not and your opinion is irrelevant!”**
LOL “I’m so smart you wouldn’t understand it so I can’t explain it!” Now you’re REALLY demonstrating narcissism!
If you didn’t care you wouldn’t bother talking. Oh, and, again. it’s not an opinion. Legally tips aren’t necessary, and aren’t enforceable (even when called a “mandatory service fee”). Even the extremely liberal Huffington Post has articles about how the tipping culture in America is more harmful than good to everyone involved, even if they don’t quite get the facts straight.
**”I commented because it was YOU and a small amount of others who were attacking people and their employement positions for no good reason other than your own false sense of self worth and insecurities among many other reasons and to put in a nut shell due to your NPD.”**
Again, I’m just stating facts. You’re attacking us because you feel the need to act as if your fallacious attitudes toward tipping are “correct.” You feel the absolute need to be “right” even if there’s no justification or evidence to back up your claims. You clearly need to feel like you’re some champion of a cause, even though the cause is misguided and based on ignorance. As I stated, it’s pretty clear who the narcissist is here, and it’s certainly not us.
**”I did that not to go on attack at all that is just your perception of it but to defend the people you were attacking and to hopefully show them that it is because of your own mental illness and that you are the one with the problem which has nothing to do with them and not to carry YOUR issues on their shoulders!”**
You directly addressed Bill and I with an insulting rant that began with:
“$Bill and What a joke….. Yes you are a joke I have to agree,”
This is clear antagonistic behavior. Are you falling back into your denialism? Because your comment is right there for anyone to see.
**”My main reasons for commenting on here were for the decent people here that go out and work hard for their money no matter the job they do, the fact that they work so hard for such little pay says a lot about them as a person and all good things anyone who does that should be very proud!”**
Again, you’re acting like you’re championing a cause while ignoring the facts. You claim they’re good people, yet the comments here from servers don’t support that. They’re full of racism. They’re full of threats of violence, and poisoning. You’re telling me they should be proud?
You’re saying they’re hard working people, yet ignoring the fact that Zeus worked his way from the bottom to build what he has now. You dismiss the fact that I’ve had less than many (if not most) of them, and worked hard to get what I have now simply because I feel others should likewise earn their own way. You call them hard working people despite the fact that we’ve actually done that specific work in some way (Bill has stated flat out that he was a server, and I’ve done waiting as part of my volunteer work) and that it isn’t hard work. Many other former servers have stated the same here.
Spending your life at the bottom with no motivation to do better in life, not just for yourself but for your loved ones, is not something to be proud of. Playing the “poor me” card when you’re in the same position as others who don’t get special treatment is not something to be proud of. Putting in the work to actually improve your position is something to be proud of, whether that’s going to school like I did, working your way up like Zeus, or building your own fortune like Bill, instead of just living off of others like you seem to think he did.
**”You can twist what I say however you want I again DONT care because no matter your perception no matter your opinions or delusions it does not change the facts and of WHAT you are!. “**
I’m not twisting anything you say. I’m quoting you directly, and referencing your comments directly. There’s no twisting involved.
I’m not the delusional one. You’re the one denying facts and reality. You’re even denying your own comments, which are clearly visible for anyone to see.
As I said, if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t keep commenting at all.
In reply to AW
You realize that they’re just saying all this to get a rise out of you, right?…. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
Some commenter here was a homeless and said wait staff is nothing but a loser!!!!He could have been a waiter himself before he became that homeless.
I guess nobody wanted him for this job.(WHY?)
I’ve been trying to understand his mind set about why he has to look down on wait staffs for such a long time,I guess I ‘ll never know.
Because this all seem abnormal to me to keep talking about how silly
it is to tip wait staff.Where I came from we don’t value tipping.
But to came up with logical explanations this many and this long!!
He is” suck “,I believe that is how they put it .
Because if he value himself then he shouldn’t keep coming up
with anymore logical explanations on this silly subject.
Unless he doesn’t know the value of self respect.
I work hard and value my money and respect my work place.
When I go eat at restaurant I am a customer but that is not my place
to step on workers life.Which mean I will tip them.
I am cheap but I don’t devalue myself like non-tipper,no way!!!!
I find it attractive to be working in some restaurant because there is so much life in it.But I am not good looking enough to get that job so nobody hires me.So, Mr.X homeless you are not real well liked,I know that.
From the love of foreign land?
In reply to Will work for food
If you’re referring to me, I was homeless because I was still a minor and my mother made poor financial decisions. I’ve never had trouble finding work, myself.
I’ve had crappy jobs, but never expected handouts from people – especially as pay for a job I was already being laid to do.
Personally, I’ve never said being a server in-and-of itself is bad. I’ve only said that it is (by definition) unskilled labor, that people who stay in the job for extended periods are shameful for having no motivation to improve themselves (or making excuses), and that their financial difficulties are not justification for tipping (nor any other reason they offer).
The same is true for any low paying job. You want more money? Get a job that pays more. Don’t expect the customer to hand it to you.
In reply to What a joke
Mr. What a joke is an amazing man that overcame poverty and extreme hardship. He makes my accomplishments seem insignificant by comparison.
I don’t want to here excuses. Stop being a bitch
In reply to $Bill
Will work for food sorry What a joke sent it wrong.
In reply to $Bill
That message was for will work for food. Sorry I messed it up What a joke.
Will work for food you are not even worthy enough to be in the same room as What a joke.
What a joke overcame so much and excelled. Will work for food you are a whiny bitch. I bet 10 yrs from now nothing will change with you.
In 10 years I expect What a joke to become even more successful. Just don’t forget to relax and enjoy your success. You more then earned it.
In reply to $Bill
LOL why should I care?
In reply to What a joke
?
All I have to say is, if you don’t intend to tip make sure you inform your server of this fact as soon as they seat you to ensure you get the most appropriate level of service :)
In reply to Tsunade
People keep saying that, yet the servers don’t determine the level of service they are required by their job to provide.
I offer the alternative suggestion for servers to ask how much each table plans to tip them before providing service. How long do you think they will keep their jobs?
In reply to What a joke
Either works :)
In reply to Tsunade
I never speak to the hired help unless I need more service. Informing the waitstaff of anything is funny.
In reply to $Bill
Then you don’t have a problem with the tipping system, you’re just a cheapskate :)