This is a post, which I admit reveals rather more about myself than I would like. Nonetheless, I have something to say. More so because not a single site or article on the Internet says what I feel is the truth. Not even close. The time has come for someone to stand up and stick out his neck with the facts.
First, my formal position on the whole rape issue. I do not condone rape. It’s a violation of a person’s privacy. This article is merely an examination of mostly subconscious responses in more or less every man or woman I have spoken to and is academic in nature. So no flaming please!
Here goes…
Rape elicits extreme reactions from the public. Repulsion, anger, hatred, and most interestingly, moral outrage. It is this last emotion that I am most interested in and all that I disclose below is in relation to moral outrage alone. This won’t apply to men who don’t feel a degree of moral outrage. Let me start by examining myself.
When I hear about the rape of a young woman, there are two conflicting forces inside me. One is to view the woman as a person. The others is to view her as an object. The moment I view her as a sexual object, rape doesn’t become something I abhor. When I view her as a person, I pity the raped woman as if she was bitten by a rabid dog. Not her fault, but hey, shit happens. Moreover, in this case, the rapist is behaving like an animal with no self control. So I would treat it as if some animal had assaulted the woman.
Image Credit: Grahford
I think the sexual desire, when combined with the desire for power is what makes rape such a fantasy. Mind you, if it actually comes down to it, I know I won’t rape because when the victim looks frightened, or angry, she ceases to be an object, and becomes a person. In such a situation, I’m pretty sure I can’t commit a rape.
Nonetheless, the time has come for plain speaking. After holding detailed discussions with several men in confidence, and analyzing my own reactions to news about rapes happening, I can see that the first emotion that flares up in men, including me, is moral outrage. Now this may sound noble, but just wait until I reveal the sinister cause for this.
The truth is, it’s jealousy masquerading as moral outrage! This is specially true of Indian Society, which is still heavily sexually repressed. Sex is still taboo, and most Indian men just don’t get good quality sexual fulfillment. Men feel jealous of rapists, because they got sex outright without having to go through the tedious channels of courtship that most of us have to go through. They “Cut the line”! “Bastards!” they say. Yeah right. Let’s own up to the truth. We envy the guy who got a 20 something woman into his car and had his way with her for 3 hours.
Of course we can’t come out and say this. We want to kill the guy then and there, but we can’t do it in the name of jealousy. We have to disguise our hate in another way. I’ve learned always to be suspicious of moral outrage. Chances are, the real issue is something else.
Consider that men (I speak only for men here), feel moral outrage when a young pretty woman is raped. At the same time, they feel something like disgust, amusement, or confusion when an old sixty year old is raped. Why? If the outrage is actually about issues like violation of rights, and privacy etc, why the less outrage regarding rapes against old and ugly women?
Image Credit: dungodung
Consider also, that if the real issue is pain and violation of rights, then why do we not feel the same way for other violations. Suppose a woman had her arm cut off. That also is a violation of a woman’s rights to herself, and most of us would roundly condemn the criminal. And rightly so. But, no moral outrage. In fact, all the women to whom I have put the question, say they would rather be raped, than have their arm cut off.
But why do men go up in arms (no pun intended) against rape, when for the limb cutting crime, they would not do so? Why are there no “Hang the mutilator” rallies? Most women I have met, would again rather be raped than have their faces disfigured with acid or something horrible like that. For other crimes which violate one’s privacy like robbery, there is condemnation, and hate, but the quality of the feeling that is felt towards rapists is very different. Again I say, the crime of rape provokes moral outrage.
And I say that this is a cover up for feelings of envy and jealousy. Envy, maybe even for the fact that the rapist had the guts to do in reality, what some of us dare not do even in fantasy. And if the social class of the rapist is much lower than that of the victim, the outrage is even more. This is because the jealousy is greater, that the rapist “got” what he would never have got, had he gone through the proper channels. A young woman being helplessly ravaged by a bunch of slavering dirty scoundrels, is one of the most difficult things to digest, precisely because of the class difference that exists. The outrage is even greater here.
Anyway, the point is, fantasy is fantasy, and reality is reality. Real rape would entail too much of an emotional strain on me. To see the victims fear, and hate, and to hear her screams, would bring home the fact that she is a human being with rights. Since I value my own rights, I would not be capable of taking hers away. In addition to this, raping a woman would make ME too much of an object. I would lose my self control, and see myself as too much of an animal than my pride would allow.
Now I just have to sit back and wait to get lynched.
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Looks like this post has been here for a long time and I suppose all that can be said has already been. However a friend of mine gave me the link and asked my opinion.
You have already put in a disclaimer regarding your inability to carry out such an act so the matter regarding your personal preferences ends there and then. There are quite a few generalizations in your post, but I suppose one cannot avoid them. However one must take a look at certain generalizations.
You have said that a rapist is an animal with no self control. This is a very misleading statement. Some rapes may be on the spur of the moment but most are well thought out actions and the perpetrator is an intelligent human being who wants to cater to his base instincts.
Rapes happen because we are a sexually repressed society is another generalization. What about rapes that happen in liberated societies or even nudist camps?
A woman would prefer to have herself raped instead of having her arm cut or face disfigured. I agree with you on that. But tell me is that a choice given her? You might have seen the movie ‘Sophie’s Choice’ where the protagonist is given the choice of either having her son or daughter killed barring which all three of them would be killed. She gives away one child and then lives in a personal hell till her death. Such is the choice offered to a rape victim in your example. Of course there are instances of women committing suicide rather than be raped. But again that is their personal choice and not for me to quote as Principles of conduct for a woman.
Now let us come to your generalization that the ‘outrage’ shown by men is born out of jealousy. Personally I feel outraged because whenever I hear about rape my first thought is for the victim who can be a female or a male. The perpetrator comes into the picture after a long thought process which travels through what the victim must have undergone, whether he/she has got required help or not, what pain the near and dear are going through. Jealousy is far far away because the next thought that comes is that this could happen to me or my near and dear ones also. I will not make any moral judgement about those that feel jealous about a rapist because that is not my calling.
In reply to Vivek
A well thought out reply Vivek. Do you feel that the public at large displays the same amount of outrage towards the rape of a 20 year old and and 80 year old? The same quality of outrage?
I personally have the same quality or amount of outrage no matter the age or gender of the victim and I feel if others differentiate they should not.
I must say it is a very interesting article and a point of view that I have not encountered before. But I will say this. I know that men have the natural ability to objectify women, women do not have this so much. I also know that you can lose control when sexually eroused. But none of these things justify rape, ever. Rape is rape is rape, and will always be rape. A woman’s body is her own, and just because it makes you feel a certain way and you want to touch her, and it is hard for you to control yourselves, does not mean you have a right, in any way, to do so. Men are NOT entitled to a woman’s body. We do not exist solely for your satisfaction. We are people, with our own mind, our own dreams and desires. In my opinion, the only thing that will be able to change any of this, is education. We must educate men better, to let them know that they have to respect women. That we are people, not objects, no matter their instincts. If men do not want to be seen as animals who can only think of one thing, they should not act like it. Men need to learn to control themselves. And we should educate women, and let them know that it is NEVER ok for a man to touch her just like that unless she gives him permission. No; yes is yes, and no is also yes. Rape is not like a women getting bitten by a dog. It is a man forcing his penis inside her body. How can you justify this? Its disgusting. Sex should be done out of mutual consent and desire. Not out of a need for power or simply because you cannot control yourself. Men do not understand they reduce themselves to objects like this. If you are jealous of the rapist, and I can understand this psychology, I think you should be ashamed of yourselves. No woman ever wants to be raped. Don’t you see you are degrading yourself when you objectify a woman? I am as disgusted with men who sleep around as I am with women, I see no difference.
You make it sound like all men would want to rape a women, just have their way with a lifeless corpse. Is it to hard if she has a personality? You don’t want to buy her dinner first? If this is how men are…its sad and pathetic. But I dont believe that. I do think that there are good guys out there. Who know better and respect themselves enough to respect the women in the world. Men simply need to learn, because I do believe it does not come naturally for them, not to objectify people. The next time you think a women is being raped,that its like her being bitten by a dog…think if you would like to be forcibly penetrated, with risk of disease and unwanted pregnancy. Rape is not a discussion, there are no grey areas. A man does not have a right to force his desire upon a woman. Rape is easy, pathetic, and cowardly. And NO ONE has a right to do it, ever. And no matter how you analyse it, this will never change.
In reply to Hadas
Personally, I don’t agree that one can literally “lose control” if sexually aroused. If in the middle of the most intense sexual arousal, a man realized that a woman had AIDS, he sure wouldn’t go ahead with the act! Men always have control. Some men just like to pretend that they’re the victims.
Also, my analysis wasn’t meant to justify rape in any manner. I’ve specifically mentioned this in my post.
This is a very different way of viewing rape and the perception of it in the public eye. As a victim of a very heinous gang rape, I feel qualified in the very least to comment on my own perceptions of male and female responses to the act at the time.
The men seemed to find it hard not to demonstrate excitement which then usually turned into despair, once they realized that there was nothing they could do and therefore would not become a ‘hero’ in the situation. The women tried to keep me at the length of a barge pole, because it was just too frightening. If I was not at fault, then it could also equally happen to them. Men seemed mainly to be excited by the evidence of the existence of evil and the vulnerability of women, and women too terrified to face it in reality.
Following the incident, I started to pick up on rape jokes and the perception of rape in media and between people in my community. Firstly, it is never ever portrayed from the viewpoint of the victim, I know this because it is always shown alongside side thriller-type music and building in suspense. The victim really feels dread and the shutting down of all the senses, not a heightening of them.
Furthermore, there seemed to be a willing confusion between what would be regarded as ‘rough’ sex enjoyed between consenting couples, and rape which by it’s very definition requires an unwilling party. The closest someone could ever get to imagining the trauma of the experience (though I do not think that it is at all possible), would be to imagine the person you would least like to have sex with (and I mean one that would send chills down your spine and truly frighten and disgust you) forcing themselves on you. Whilst meanwhile you are in the knowledge that it will be your last act on earth, and most likely what you will be remembered by…
The casualness with which the act is discussed and the level of insensitivity towards victims in their portrayal in the media and within discussions in society, is truly horrifying. Thankfully murder victims do not have to live through an assumed dressing down of their character, or a public review of the seriousness of what they have survived. Rape victims truly are alone in this world.
Despite the seriousness of my above comments, I would also like to say that any serious consideration of the perception of rape in society is most welcome, and indeed needed. More academics should be addressing the increasing usage of the word in urban language and the ever growing collective willing misunderstanding of the term rape, in that the victim can ‘enjoy’ it or that it in anyway resembles sex. It would look to an outsider as though the criminal was raping a lifeless rag doll, and is essentially what is happening. If jealousy is an emotion being raised, then I think it probably also stems from this growing confusion and resulting misplaced excitement. People can’t imagine what it is like and so they compare it to the closest thing that they can, rough sex, and in doing so miss the point from the very get-go.
Mr. Bhagwad and all other men…don’t want to say anything just one thing…just got raped your sister/daughter/mother and wife before your eyes or read a news about her rape in a newspaper, then do the psychology test…I bet your intellectual will gone, all you will fill with hater for the culprit or might go the extent of killing the culprit. or better you all men must be sent to brother as sex workers then do the psychology test.
Shame on you guys. Just think a women (mother) who is responsible for your existence on this earth as human. If you all have a heart, no one even can think about it. That is why you men rape even the 11 month child. Shame on you…shame on you
In reply to Ramnik
A woman deserves respect on her own merits. Not because she’s a mother/sister, or whatever.
A single unmarried woman has the same dignity as someone who has relations. Please remember that next time you try and justify the value of women.
It was great reading about the real reason behind the male outburst towards Rape…as a female of the human species, I would say that I was completely unaware of this so called “Men Moral Outburst”.
But its disappointing to read that you can’t figure out the difference between “Rape” and “Robbery”…one is offence against the body and the later is offence against the property…you can’t compare bodily loss to materialistic one.
Secondly…the comparison between arms being ripped off and molestation is ridiculous in itself…both the offence are heinous, but taboo attached with being a victim of sexual offence is much more darker and denser..anyone can talk about her limbs being cut in public,but its not same for the victim of rape to accept this that she has been violated…blame the social customs or the our third world thinking,but one cant just ignore this vicious circle,especially if one is the weaker sex.
And yes,world still runs on morality and sentiments…you cant just weigh everything in the balance of practicality!
This article is as dirty as you are Bastard.. Oops bhagwad…
I think you will turn to Rapist if you get an opportunity. I wonder how a human can feel J on Rapist instead of feeling pity on a Victim.
Before feeling Jealous think about Mom being a Victim
Shit reading your article!
hey bhagwad! just came across your blog. i must say that you have got a dirty mind. i hope you weren’t jealous of those men who brutally raped the delhi victim. it was such a heinous crime. i can’t imagine someone going through such pain and finally death. if you were jealous of these men then you are surely a psyche. i just hope that some good men are left in this world. hope all are not animals like you. i want to warn you if this is what your thinking is then you may land up doing such barbaric crimes. i doubt if u loved ur mom. if u did respect her then u wouldn’t perceive women as objects. i pity ur mom for having a son like you. poor she!
Very interesting post Bhagwad! I do like your analysis and agree with some of them. I however, do think that a man rapes due to a combination of factors. It is the power, sociological reasons like women being treated as objects and sexual repression, jealousy (in some cases, this cannot be generalized) or other psychological reasons like a “sick mind”. It might be the lack of clarity of thought as the rapist may simply be under the influence of alcohol or drugs where your sexual need is heightened.
It is sad that some of the people reading your post are completely missing the point. They are not able to understand that you are just putting your analysis forth and not justifying men’s actions.
What I would really like to know is what happens to the rapists after the act? Do they ever feel remorse for what they have committed? Are they in a temporarily altered state of mind that they snap out of and realize what they have done?
Your comments are welcome.
In reply to Lee
Don’t you just wish you could sit down with these rapists and truly understand how they could do such a thing? I certainly wish I could.
In reply to bhagwad
I just watched NDTV and learnt that these were troubled young men mostly migrants from Bihar, UP with a history of anger, alcoholism etc. Instead of putting out statistics on what areas of Delhi are bad, what do women think about security etc, it would be better to sample men and try to understand what goes on in their brains.