Why is talking about Death Taboo in Indian Society?

Just the other day, I made an egregious faux pas at a friend’s house by jokingly referring to the violent demise of his spouse. In my defense, we had just finished watching the movie seven whose entire theme is about this psychopath who goes around killing people gruesomely and my comment was made while discussing the movie afterwards. The room fell silent and even I could make out that I had committed a blunder. I sure got a earful from Anupa while going home. I also apologized to my friend the next day if I had said something to hurt his feelings.

Discussing Death is Taboo
Discussing Death is Taboo

This incident got me thinking – why are we so touchy about the subject of death in general? Anupa assures me that the hesitancy is pretty widespread and that I’m the anomaly for not minding. Perhaps it has something to do with both my parents being doctors. We discuss death all the time at home. Just the other day, my mother and I were discussing the best way to commit suicide without pain and expense in case my parents get so old and pain ridden than life is just not worth living anymore. In fact, whenever my mother used to go on a trip somewhere, she would pull us aside before leaving and tell us where the important keys and documents were kept just in case she never came back. I have a file in my Google docs which has all these important details so that we don’t have to go into a flap in case someone in the family dies.

So as a person who’s quite comfortable talking about death, I find the tendency to avoid the topic in Indian society pretty puzzling. I mean sure, no one wants a loved one to die. But talking about it won’t cause it to happen. Keeping quiet about it won’t prevent it either. Unless of course it’s a superstition, in which case I understand. We’re all superstitious about something or the other I guess. But if it’s not superstitious, what is it?

Strangely, I find that it’s Indians who dislike talk of death more than people here in the US for example. It’s strange because Hinduism is arguably a very chill religion when it comes to the final end. Other religions postulate that there’s a final judgement which is pretty scary if you ask me. Hinduism on the other hand simply treats death as shedding your clothes. The soul finds a new body and things go on as usual. Krishna told Arjun not to grieve for loved ones because they’re not really dead.

If anything, it should be the Atheists who hate discussing death because everything literally ends for them. No rebirth, no heaven…nothing. But I’ve met quite a few Atheists who don’t mind discussing their death or the death of others in public. But I don’t know whether it’s a religious thing, or a cultural thing here. Perhaps the problem is philosophical and people feel that since death is a horrible and bad thing, then talking about it is in poor taste.

It’s like the elephant in the room. Every knows it’s there but no one wants to acknowledge it. We all know we’re going to die and everyone we love is going to die and yet we don’t talk about it. This despite that fact that talking about death can be very interesting since it presents concepts such as the soul, mortality, God, the value of life etc. One of the most important distinctions between humans and animals is that we seem to be the only creature who is aware of our own mortality.

Could someone who is more clued into this help me understand this recalcitrance?

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40 thoughts on “Why is talking about Death Taboo in Indian Society?”

  1. Can you please share the most painless way to commit suicide? Not contemplating killing myself right now, in case you’re wondering, but thought it might be useful for the future.

    Also, not mentioning death is worse in Chinese culture, because sooo many superstitutions persist even in a very hi-tech place like Hong Kong. Anything to do with the number 4 is considered bad luck because the pronounciation of the word is very similar to the word for death. So buildings omit fourth floor etc. I pity the child who is born on the fourth.

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    • In reply to The Bride

      Well, an easy and painless way to kill yourself is thus:

      Get a large bucket – around 10 litres or so. Get a large syringe and pull out the stopper. Lie down on a bed and place the bucket next to you. Attach a pipe into the syringe and lead it into the bucket. Then prick your vein with the needle, lead the pipe into the bucket and lie down.

      The blood will neatly drain from your body into the bucket. You’ll just lose consciousness and pass away without any hoopla. The only pain is the needle prick.

      Also, I think the body will be a bit slower to decay since there will be no blood left inside – so you’re also helping the person who finally has to clean up. This consideration is also why we use a bucket instead of just letting the blood spill over. Why make a mess?

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  2. IMO, we don’t like to talk about death because there is a fear that things one talks about will come to pass. Having said that, it is more a fear of unnatural death, I think. I know people are quite comfortable talking about death w.r.t people whose “time has come”. Older people are often comfortable talking about their deaths. In fact, I’ve often heard older people in my family talking about “how” they’d like to go. What we don’t like talking about is deaths of young people, deaths by accident and so on. And I have to say that your talking about a friend’s spouse dying violently comes across as very tactless to me. I don’t know how to explain it, but it does. I would be pissed off at anyone who imagined my spouse’s death, because it is the one thing I don’t want to imagine.

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    • In reply to apu

      Hmm – I guess it’s superstition then. Like I said I’m not passing judgment, but just trying to understand.

      Incidentally, my wife and I talk about each other’s deaths all the time.

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  3. good question.
    here is the answer.
    It is a mind thing. The mind controls the body and everything around it. So if you think evil, the probability of evil happening increases. If you think good, the probability of good happening increases. However, evil is more powerful than the good (as we can see all around us), but the good ultimately wins.
    Contradictory? Not at all.
    Just as the electromagnetic force is much much larger than the gravitational force, but its the gravitational force that rules the universe – the same way – evil is more powerful than good, but good prevails over a longer period of time.
    Want another example? A better one is here.
    Changez Khan (Ghenghis Khan) murdered millions, but the thoughts of Buddha prevailed over thousands of years. The Romans were very powerful but the thoughts of Jesus prevail today.
    So as in “space”, gravity prevails, in “time” thoughts prevail.

    In analogy, evil thoughts increase the probability of evil happening in the short term. Death is not evil. But untimely death is. Thats why in Ancient Indian Texts, these two are treated separately. One can avoid untimely death, but not death itself. Example of Markandeya. He avoided “untimely” death at the age of 13 by worshipping Shiva, but death occurred at 100. You see the difference?
    Longevity can be increased by sticking to a healthy routine or medicines or surgery or whatever – but death must happen.

    This is also the reason why when old people die, one is not supposed to mourn the death. In many Indian cultures, such death is celebrated by drum beats and dance leading upto the cremation or burial. But death of a child or a young man is not treated the same way in the same culture.

    So death by itself is not a hush word, however, speaking of death of people who died an untimely – is and should be taboo.

    One can always argue that there is no such thing as “untimely death”, but then would you board a plane when you know a bomb is planted? So by avoiding boarding the plane, you avoided untimely death. The knowledge of untimely death extends to even the spiritual realm and even to animals. Animals come to know if a loved one (another animal or human master) is terminally sick or injured. they indicate an iminent danger – but we humans are now so much tuned to technology – that we are disconnected with what nature is trying to tell us – so of course get into situations where untimely death is caused.
    A real example is that of a couple in Andamans when the 2008 Tsunami was about to hit.
    The lady was pregnant. They lived on the seashore. There was sudden silence and the man came out of the hut to take a look. He saw the sea to have travelled far back. And the animals taking up higher ground (hills). He understood, that there is something wrong. He lifted his wife and ran towards the hills in the jungles. when the tsunami hit 20mins later, the entire village was wiped out, but the couple survived and the baby was born in the jungle.
    A perfect example how Mother Nature indicates about the danger. It is mostly we, who fail to understand it and meet untimely deaths.

    So, yes, precautions must be taken and WILLs must be written and the important things communicated. But taking about death again and again is one’s own risk!
    OM NAMAH SHIVAAY

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  4. Great question and fascinating comment thread. I’m not Indian so I can’t really offer any insights there, but this taboo appears to be cross cultural. I worked with hospice for about six years and quickly learned there was nothing that could kill a conversation off faster than telling people (from any background) what I did. It was sometimes amusing, sometimes disturbing. (BTW, posts about dying or death are also very effective spam deterrents.) I’ve personally seen all of the different suggestions mentioned above in play at different times, but lurking beneath them all seems to be a largely unexamined taboo that’s both ancient and near-universal. The cultural reasons for it have ebbed and flowed historically, but when you dig into it the taboo itself hasn’t really changed. It just seems to be this deep, unconscious, amorphous no-no. The times when I’ve been able to get people to look at their reluctance to talk about it, they usually don’t seem to understand themselves why they feel they shouldn’t. But their feeling that it’s wrong, repugnant, or even dangerous to do so is compelling.
    I suspect and hope we may be nearing the edge of a massive change though. (Look at your post here!) The topic is starting to enter the national discussion in countries around the world as we deal with aging populations, better communication tools, more effective ways of caring for the dying, and the necessity of learning how to manage all the medical advances that, while they certainly improve life, can also make dying hell. People are actually far more willing to talk about the subjects of death and dying today than they were two decades ago. But there are specific language skills required that most people don’t have, so there will probably be plenty of awkward moments yet to come.

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    • In reply to dia osborn

      That’s a great analysis, Dia. I too hope that things are changing and that we’re entering an age of enlightenment. But it requires an upkeep. Left to itself, we revert back to our base instincts which can get very ugly…

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  5. I had once published an essay titled ‘Death and Dignity’ – which covered the topic of suicide – on desijournal.com (Site no longer exists). I got a bad response – a lot of criticism – for just having written about the topic from several people! It still amuses me – and I still don’t get it!

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  6. I read with great interest the comments you have drawn out with your question. I am not Indian so must confess that from the get-go. It allows me to confirm, however, that a reluctance to talk about death is hardly limited to a single cultural group. And yes, superstitions do abound, all of which both derive from fear and generate more fear–at least that is my assumption. I find it lamentable that we aren’t all better at talking about death and relating to those who grieve because until we figure some of that out, the dying and the bereaved are left so alone in times of great distress. Death is part of life. However “inappropriate” in its timing (from our point of view), it is not evil. Talking about it doesn’t make it happen any sooner than it would already. Talking about it may, however, help us all gain and keep a degree of perspective and openness to others. Gotta be good!
    Linda Watson
    http://talkaboutdeath.blogspot.com

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  7. Check this out. My mother has been a christian pentacostal pastor over fourteen years, all of my youth until I was fifteen around. Well to start off I have seen unhuman, disturbing, unnatural things. So the whole concept of death is natural, what’s not natural is society nowadays. The most common subject spoken is sex, drugs, guns, blah blah blah. Materialistic objects are the key subject, think about It. almost every commercial is about buyin this or that. When there was a time where there wasn’t anything this modern, talking about death was a normal conversation. It nawas so common it was respected, as you can tell things flipped upside down. I believe in the anthropic principle, where there is proof that God does exist. Most people avoid death because of that. God=judgment=hell or heaven. whether people like it or not we are all going to be judged, and be placed in respected order. I remember being rebelious and not paying any attention to my mother until I reached a point where I needed help because no one understood me, when I submitted myself and admitted that I can’t go further also that jesus did die on the cross for me. Everything opened and I felt good, like you said in your post that compared to animals, we are the only ones who morn for the dead. Which I’m almost sure we are not, but what I’m sure is that humans do have a spirituality and that we are the only creatures that seek help from the dead or from our ancestors and god.

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  8. The Bible in fact does not support the traditional teaching of Hell fire. The teaching of immortality of Soul have origins in ancient pagan religions. For example the Babylonians, egyptians, assyrians and all ancient religions teach that a soul survives death. What does the Bible say actually?

    Below are excerpts from an article I read.

    The Hebrew word translated “soul” is ne′phesh, and it occurs 754 times in the Hebrew Scriptures. What does ne′phesh mean? According to The Dictionary of Bible and Religion, it “usually refers to the entire living being, to the whole individual.” The word translated “soul” (psy·khe′) appears more than a hundred times in the Christian Greek Scriptures. Like ne′phesh this word often refers to the whole person. Interestingly, in the Bible the word “soul” applies not only to humans but also to animals. For example, in describing the creation of sea creatures, Genesis 1:20 says that God commanded: “Let the waters swarm forth a swarm of living souls.” The Bible’s definition of the soul is simple, consistent, and unencumbered by the complicated philosophies and superstitions of men. That being the case, the urgent question that must be asked is, According to the Bible, what happens to the soul at death?

    The condition of the dead is made clear at Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10, where we read: “The dead know nothing . . . There is no pursuit, no plan, no knowledge or intelligence, within the grave.” (Moffatt) Death, therefore, is a state of nonexistence. The psalmist wrote that when a person dies, “he goes back to his ground; in that day his thoughts do perish.” (Psalm 146:4) The dead are unconscious, inactive.

    So no matter whatever people do the ultimate penalty is death ONLY. God said to Adam that the day he sins he will die (not that he will go to hell). But Satan lied Eve that they will NOT die, and that they will become like GOD (immortal creatures). Ironically what Satan(self-turned skeptic against God) said is being followed by almost all religions in the world. (probably because according to Bible God allowed Satan to control the earth for a while for a reason). But there is hope for righteous ones through resurrection back to this earth. The below article have more to say about what the Bible say.

    http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/1102005136?q=condition+of+dead&p=par

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