7 Reasons why Christopher Nolan’s Batman Movies Suck

The upcoming “The Dark Knight Rises” has many movie lovers in hysterics. They can’t seem to stop oohing and aahing over the trailer and singing the praises of the most recent Batman franchise. Amidst all this ruckus, I have to bring some sanity back here.

I’m a rabid Batman fan. Have been for most of my life. I’ve done my duty and run through an obscene number of DC comics and have read all the famous (and not so famous) story arcs in the Bat universe. So you can say that I “get” Batman. I know what he’s all about. Sure, it’s unrealistic in so many ways but it’s an awesome fantasy. A normal human being able to achieve the things he does. It just gives you a high.

But Batman movies? Not so much. I always found that they pretty much suck big time. I respect the character of Batman too much to see him mutilated. Which is why I hate the recent Batman series by Christopher Nolan. What surprises me is that everyone raves about them as if they’re the awesomest movies ever made. Sure, they’re probably better in comparison to the Joel Schumacher version, but that doesn’t make them good. In fact, I find them awful.  And here’s why:

Batman’s Appearance – The “Helmet”

hate Batman’s appearance in Christopher Nolan’s universe. There are so many things wrong with him that I don’t know where to start. He’s not menacing enough. He just looks like a funny guy in a suit. The suit itself is a horrible wreck, looking like a clumsy piece of armor rather than something flexible that can be moved easily in. And before the fans start shouting “It has to be realistic!”, let me assure you that Batman as a concept isn’t very realistic at all. But more on the “realism” aspect later.

He’s not scary. At all. Just look at his “mask”:

Batman's Horrible Mask
Batman’s Horrible Mask

That’s a helmet! He doesn’t look in the least bit scary. His mouth and lips are “squeezed” into a gap, making it bunched up. No wonder Bale talks with his lips parted so often! Next up – the eyes. Why, oh WHY can’t Batman movies make the eyes white like they are the comics? Dammit, this guy actually has makeup on his face around his eyes. MAKEUP! It makes me want to cry when I see what Nolan has done to my favorite comic book hero.

For reference, here is how Batman’s cowl should look like:

How Batman should REALLY look
How Batman should REALLY look

 

See the difference? Now that is scary. THAT is a sight I wouldn’t want to see at night swooping down at me. The guy in the first picture? Some loony clown on drugs wearing a costume. Pchaah!

Crappy Armor – Horrible Cape

I don’t even know where to start. I mean look at that suit. It’s a bunch of disjointed pieces fitted together haphazardly. It’s not uniform or elegant. It just looks shoddy. There we go again with that whole “realistic” mantra that Nolan loves to try and inject into this character. Please Nolan huh? Go make movies of Superman or something and leave this guy alone – please.

Batman’s cape has always been part of his effect. And yet it does nothing for him in the movie. It doesn’t even merge in color with the main suit! It’s a deeper shade of black that ruins the “solid” effect of night that is Batman. It breaks the illusion that this is one gigantic bat – almost supernatural. Instead, it tells us that this is just a costume worn by a guy for unknown reasons – since it’s clearly not scary. Here’s a nice shot of the real Batman style:

The genuine Batman style
The genuine Batman style

Let up with the voice huh?

We all know that Bruce Wayne disguises his voice as Batman to make it scary as well as to keep his identity secret. Works great in the Batman animated series, so why can’t Nolan give us a real crackling voice huh? In various media, Batman’s voice has been compared to “stepping on broken bottles”. In some comics, Batman literally uses his voice as a weapon to scare criminals into submission whenever he can.

And once again, Nolan turns Batman’s voice into a joke. You can barely understand squat of what he’s saying. It’s obvious that his voice is fake and put on. And coming from that squished out mouth of his, it just makes you want to puke. Someone needs to tell Nolan’s Batman to shut the fuck up.

The Batmobile

Ok – I get it. You were trying to compensate for the “blue lighted” batmobile in the Joel Schumacher movies. But come on! That’s not a batmobile – that’s a tank! Where’s the “bat” in it? It’s not stylish, it’s not elegant. It doesn’t make a statement. And remember that Batman is all about style. That’s why we really like him so much. More about that in the “realism” section.

Gotham

Gotham city is an integral part of Batman. It provides the setting, the atmosphere and sets the mood of the comics. It’s even called Gotham city for a reason. Because it’s gothic. Nolan’s Gotham is a ghastly departure from what Gotham should be. Where are the soaring cathedrals? Where are the gargoyles? Where is all the goth? He’s just gone and turned Batman’s city into Chicago! What the hell was he thinking?

Here’s is Nolan’s Gotham – aka Chicago:

Nolan's "Gotham" city
Nolan’s “Gotham” city

And this is the “real” Gotham:

THIS is Gotham City
The REAL Gotham City

Poor Fighting Style and Posture

Everyone knows that Batman is one of the greatest martial artists of the DC universe. He’s the master of hundreds of fighting styles. He’s agile, knows his reach with mathematical precision and conserves the minimum amount of energy and movement while fighting.

And yet, Nolan’s Batman fights like a thug. There’s the scene in a pub which I cringed while watching. He’s like a boxer, even taking up a stance to fit. He looks ridiculous:

Batman Fights Like a Thug
Batman Fights Like a Thug

Notice by the way, how his cape is of a darker color than the suit. It doesn’t mesh. It breaks the continuity and looks just like just another piece of cloth. Not a part of him. It just looks funny. Here’s how it should look:

Authentic Batman Style
Authentic Batman Style

Notice how the cape drapes, how it “merges” into the cowl. Also see how Batman covers up his eyes. It makes him look scary instead of just a guy in a suit. Remember how cool Ironman’s mask looks when his eyes light up? Why the hell can’t we have the same thing for the bat?

Fake “Realism” in Nolan’s Movies

I’ve saved the worst for last. Nolan and many of his fans excuse all the above mistakes by saying that this is a “realistic” take on Batman and Gotham. I call bullshit on that claim. Because even as depicted, Batman is horribly unrealistic. You want realistic, get rid of the cape. It hinders you, can get caught on stuff, and you can trip over it. The marginal utility of being able to slow your descent and hide some stuff in it is heavily outweighed by the disadvantages. Even Nightwing has remarked that a cape cramps one’s style too much.

But yet we keep it. We have to keep it. Why? Because it’s about image. Because it makes Batman what he is. It’s about style. It’s about maintaining the atmosphere. Even Nolan can’t get rid of the cape without destroying Batman. Moral of the story – this is a comic book. Style and atmosphere trump realism. And I’m just scraping the surface here. Superman is in Batman’s universe as well! Talk about aliens and unrealistic in the same breath?

Spare me the junk realism please. Give me something that for once stays true to the comics. Two great movies I’ve seen that replicate the mood and the style of their respective comics perfectly are “Watchmen” and “Sin City”.

Can we please have a Batman version of “Sin City” for those of us who appreciate what Batman is really about? We’ll gladly leave the Christopher Nolan’s fans at the altar alone.

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244 thoughts on “7 Reasons why Christopher Nolan’s Batman Movies Suck”

  1. Any batman fan who didn’t like Nolan’s Batman is not a true Batman fan.

    The Dark Knight is a masterpiece all the way with superb performances, awesome action and all that.

    Nolan’s Batman movies are the one and only true live-action Batman movies, forget the Burton and Schumacher stuff that came before.

    Sure Burton’s first one is a really good movie, gives us a Gotham ripped out of the 40s comics, but the negatives outweight the positives. One of those being that as great as Jack Nicholson is, he is just Jack Nicholson playing Jack Nicholson with Joker make-up. Kind of like how Kevin Spacy was playing Gene Hackman playing Lex Luthor in Superman Returns. Plus, he is too old for the character.

    Nolan’s movies though, feel like a mix between O’Neil’s run from the 70s, especially the way Gotham is portrayed, with a touch of realism even Frank Miller and Alan Moore to Jeph Loeb. Add on top that Ledger’s Joker feels more like Joker playing Joker using the name of Heath Ledger, and you have the most accurate adaptation of Joker on screen. Plus, Nolan shows how you can have multiple villians in the movie (Begins had Scarecrow, Ras, Zasz, and Falconi, TDK had Joker, Two-Face, Scarecrow, and Maroni) and still have a focus on a central villian, something Burton failed to do.

    And Nolan’s movies are truly for hardcore Batman fanatics, not Burtonites.

    Reply

    • In reply to John

      It’s actually a disgrace to Batman fans if they like these movies. Nolan movies were decent as movies go, but an utter train wreck in the terms of a Batman adaptation.

      Reply

    • In reply to John

      I hate the Tim Burton movies, but I give him the fact that he was able to capture the dark, yet subtle color atmosphere of Gotham. Nolan completely disregarded Batman’s origins of a comic book hero. Frank Miller and Jeph Loeb added realism to their stories, but they didn’t completely go and destroy the imagery that NEEDS to be there.

      Reply

    • In reply to John

      Not a real Batman fan? Dude I’ve been a Batman fan since 1976. How old are you? Yeah I’ve seen shitty Batman comics and movies come and go, and the Nolan films are the worst of the bunch. Only popular because of the geek bandwagon fans brought about by shows like The Big Bang Theory.

      Reply

  2. Basically “It’s a bad movie because is not the same as the comic” when the comic itself has been throught lot of drastic changes along the years, thats a ridiculous reason to saying that was a bad movie.

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  3. I feel like Nolan took the idea of Batman and sterilised it of anything reminiscent of Batman, including the suit, the villains and the setting. The voice was beyond ridiculous and I cannot stand Christian Bale’s portrayal. But hey… What do I know?

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  4. Finally!
    Someone who sees batman in the same light as i do!
    Tim burton’s batman – though devoid of darkness and corny at most parts, sealed the deal for batman better than Christopher Nolan. Christopher Nolan’s batman was totally devoid of fun. And the voice, argh!
    Felt like killing myself while watching it.
    Batman is a ninja for cryin out loud! Which ninja in the whole world uses a fuckin battle tank?
    Its a good thing that this madness ended with a trilogy.

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  5. Well I read the comics from the time of the Tim Burton movie till just a year before they ‘broke batman’ in the comics.

    I agree with many of your points that is what drove me here. However Batman is not master of hundreds of martial arts. That is ridiculous, no one could master hundreds of martial arts. I don’t even know if there are hundreds. One comic I read described him as highly skilled in several martial arts but a master of none.

    Batman of the comics is much more interesting but much more fake as well. He is a criminology master, basically a scientist, a chemist, totally ripped and highly trained in martial arts, constructing highly technological equipment, stealth, medic and everything else. Where would he have the time to do all of this and have an ‘image’ as Wayne industry? A group did research on him once and they discovered to do all of this and stay so buff when many of the times batman is fighting he should be eating. lol.

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    • In reply to Robbie

      Same goes to superman,how can he shoot lasers with his eyes?And it’s a good thing that bats is master of martial arts,if he is not,then,he will be the weakest in the JL.

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  6. All right. You’re absolutely correct. I was an eleven year old geek when Burton’s Batman came out and I have been routinely disappointed since. I have given up on ever seeing it done right in my lifetime:
    Batman would always choose speed over armor. If you think it’s more realistic to have him plodding about in a rubber suit realize that thing would just slow him down, and even if it could keep a bullet from killing him would undoubtedly drop him to the ground long enough for some random thug to shoot him in the face. My point: Batman is not realistic. No GD movie is realistic. You want realism go to some terrible front lines war footage. This is fantasy. Nolan’s realism is highly selective. And the dialogue is horrible.
    The cape. Spot on again. The cape, and how he moves with it is to distort his silhouete, throw off the bad guys shooting. It has to flow and be lit to look more murky and muddy like in the comics. Nothing is more of a dead giveaway to whose behind the mask the eyes. It is a ridiculous Hollywood idea that we need to see the actors expressions. Who cares? He does not want to be recognized. What else? I don’t know. What bothers me is that it could be done, it really could.

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  7. Nolan’s batman is crap because it is a waste of time to try to treat batman like it’s classical literature. It’s batman for god’s sake. It’s not supposed to”look real”. Burton’s films are superior to Nolan’s because he refuses to take the idea of batman seriously. Batman is a comic book character. Burton’s films are reflective of ALL the incarnations of batman in the comics over the years, serious, campy sometimes to excess. It is people who have to treat batman like it is serious literature or great artistic achievement who don’t appreciate the character. Batman is a comic book character. Why should a crow be anything but a crow?

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  8. Ignorant to directly compare and expect a live motion picture to directly emulate an animated move.
    Its a cartoon dimwit. Its unrealistic if not impossible to get characters to look and move identical to the way they can be drawn (physics dont apply). Natural lighting and shading don’t apply in cartoon world.

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    • In reply to DarkSpam

      Marvel did an awesome job with its superheroes. So did movies like Sin City and Watchmen. We’re not asking for anything impossible. It can be done, without making it a travesty of the comics.

      Reply

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