The upcoming “The Dark Knight Rises” has many movie lovers in hysterics. They can’t seem to stop oohing and aahing over the trailer and singing the praises of the most recent Batman franchise. Amidst all this ruckus, I have to bring some sanity back here.
I’m a rabid Batman fan. Have been for most of my life. I’ve done my duty and run through an obscene number of DC comics and have read all the famous (and not so famous) story arcs in the Bat universe. So you can say that I “get” Batman. I know what he’s all about. Sure, it’s unrealistic in so many ways but it’s an awesome fantasy. A normal human being able to achieve the things he does. It just gives you a high.
But Batman movies? Not so much. I always found that they pretty much suck big time. I respect the character of Batman too much to see him mutilated. Which is why I hate the recent Batman series by Christopher Nolan. What surprises me is that everyone raves about them as if they’re the awesomest movies ever made. Sure, they’re probably better in comparison to the Joel Schumacher version, but that doesn’t make them good. In fact, I find them awful. And here’s why:
Batman’s Appearance – The “Helmet”
I hate Batman’s appearance in Christopher Nolan’s universe. There are so many things wrong with him that I don’t know where to start. He’s not menacing enough. He just looks like a funny guy in a suit. The suit itself is a horrible wreck, looking like a clumsy piece of armor rather than something flexible that can be moved easily in. And before the fans start shouting “It has to be realistic!”, let me assure you that Batman as a concept isn’t very realistic at all. But more on the “realism” aspect later.
He’s not scary. At all. Just look at his “mask”:
That’s a helmet! He doesn’t look in the least bit scary. His mouth and lips are “squeezed” into a gap, making it bunched up. No wonder Bale talks with his lips parted so often! Next up – the eyes. Why, oh WHY can’t Batman movies make the eyes white like they are the comics? Dammit, this guy actually has makeup on his face around his eyes. MAKEUP! It makes me want to cry when I see what Nolan has done to my favorite comic book hero.
For reference, here is how Batman’s cowl should look like:
See the difference? Now that is scary. THAT is a sight I wouldn’t want to see at night swooping down at me. The guy in the first picture? Some loony clown on drugs wearing a costume. Pchaah!
Crappy Armor – Horrible Cape
I don’t even know where to start. I mean look at that suit. It’s a bunch of disjointed pieces fitted together haphazardly. It’s not uniform or elegant. It just looks shoddy. There we go again with that whole “realistic” mantra that Nolan loves to try and inject into this character. Please Nolan huh? Go make movies of Superman or something and leave this guy alone – please.
Batman’s cape has always been part of his effect. And yet it does nothing for him in the movie. It doesn’t even merge in color with the main suit! It’s a deeper shade of black that ruins the “solid” effect of night that is Batman. It breaks the illusion that this is one gigantic bat – almost supernatural. Instead, it tells us that this is just a costume worn by a guy for unknown reasons – since it’s clearly not scary. Here’s a nice shot of the real Batman style:
Let up with the voice huh?
We all know that Bruce Wayne disguises his voice as Batman to make it scary as well as to keep his identity secret. Works great in the Batman animated series, so why can’t Nolan give us a real crackling voice huh? In various media, Batman’s voice has been compared to “stepping on broken bottles”. In some comics, Batman literally uses his voice as a weapon to scare criminals into submission whenever he can.
And once again, Nolan turns Batman’s voice into a joke. You can barely understand squat of what he’s saying. It’s obvious that his voice is fake and put on. And coming from that squished out mouth of his, it just makes you want to puke. Someone needs to tell Nolan’s Batman to shut the fuck up.
The Batmobile
Ok – I get it. You were trying to compensate for the “blue lighted” batmobile in the Joel Schumacher movies. But come on! That’s not a batmobile – that’s a tank! Where’s the “bat” in it? It’s not stylish, it’s not elegant. It doesn’t make a statement. And remember that Batman is all about style. That’s why we really like him so much. More about that in the “realism” section.
Gotham
Gotham city is an integral part of Batman. It provides the setting, the atmosphere and sets the mood of the comics. It’s even called Gotham city for a reason. Because it’s gothic. Nolan’s Gotham is a ghastly departure from what Gotham should be. Where are the soaring cathedrals? Where are the gargoyles? Where is all the goth? He’s just gone and turned Batman’s city into Chicago! What the hell was he thinking?
Here’s is Nolan’s Gotham – aka Chicago:
And this is the “real” Gotham:
Poor Fighting Style and Posture
Everyone knows that Batman is one of the greatest martial artists of the DC universe. He’s the master of hundreds of fighting styles. He’s agile, knows his reach with mathematical precision and conserves the minimum amount of energy and movement while fighting.
And yet, Nolan’s Batman fights like a thug. There’s the scene in a pub which I cringed while watching. He’s like a boxer, even taking up a stance to fit. He looks ridiculous:
Notice by the way, how his cape is of a darker color than the suit. It doesn’t mesh. It breaks the continuity and looks just like just another piece of cloth. Not a part of him. It just looks funny. Here’s how it should look:
Notice how the cape drapes, how it “merges” into the cowl. Also see how Batman covers up his eyes. It makes him look scary instead of just a guy in a suit. Remember how cool Ironman’s mask looks when his eyes light up? Why the hell can’t we have the same thing for the bat?
Fake “Realism” in Nolan’s Movies
I’ve saved the worst for last. Nolan and many of his fans excuse all the above mistakes by saying that this is a “realistic” take on Batman and Gotham. I call bullshit on that claim. Because even as depicted, Batman is horribly unrealistic. You want realistic, get rid of the cape. It hinders you, can get caught on stuff, and you can trip over it. The marginal utility of being able to slow your descent and hide some stuff in it is heavily outweighed by the disadvantages. Even Nightwing has remarked that a cape cramps one’s style too much.
But yet we keep it. We have to keep it. Why? Because it’s about image. Because it makes Batman what he is. It’s about style. It’s about maintaining the atmosphere. Even Nolan can’t get rid of the cape without destroying Batman. Moral of the story – this is a comic book. Style and atmosphere trump realism. And I’m just scraping the surface here. Superman is in Batman’s universe as well! Talk about aliens and unrealistic in the same breath?
Spare me the junk realism please. Give me something that for once stays true to the comics. Two great movies I’ve seen that replicate the mood and the style of their respective comics perfectly are “Watchmen” and “Sin City”.
Can we please have a Batman version of “Sin City” for those of us who appreciate what Batman is really about? We’ll gladly leave the Christopher Nolan’s fans at the altar alone.
Has no jobs, never made anything other than regular jobs…so, try to criticize others works. There is great proverb…hardly able to manage own house but always fucking ready to criticize others…such guys are nothing but just a shit on society & all…. Forget & just enjoy movies…creativeness….
In reply to Badman
English is fun.
i admired the dark knight for a well constructed plot and heath ledger’s solid(albeit over-hyped) performance as the joker. i felt it was better than nicholson’s performance. but your point about nolan’s realism is true. it’s ridiculous that every poor aesthetic choice he makes in his films(the lack of any surreal elements in inception) is attributed to his dedication to grittiness and realism by his fans. memento and prestige were interesting films, but everything else he’s done are assembly line blockbusters.
RANT TIME
Okay, I understand you’re apparently a diehard fan. I am a pretty big fan of Batman myself. Seriously though, the entire article was about his costume. If a bad costume makes movies suck then you must not enjoy a lot of movies. Sure, it doesn’t look like the comics, but this is Nolan’s interpretation of Batman, not yours. He most likely didn’t even design the costume, so I don’t understand why you’re putting all of the blame on him. And about Gothem, again, it’s HIS interpretation of it. Also, this is a modern Batman story, meaning you most likely wouldn’t see gargoyles and other gothic things in a modern city. Yes, I know you already talked about how Batman isn’t realistic, but, for the third time, this is NOLAN’S interpretation. If you have nothing better to do than complain about how horrible the costume was(which really, I bet if you saw a man in that costume flying at you in the middle of the night, you’d be pretty scared), then why did you even watch the movie? If the costume ruined it for you, then why did you watch it by your own free will, and then decide to go and complain about it? Please, if you think it’s so horrible, then you go make your own Batman movie the way you want it.
RANT OVER
In reply to Anonymous
Sure, Nolan is free to interpret Batman the way he wants. And I’m free to inform the world that in my opinion, his interpretation sucks!
then why did you even watch the movie?
Because I don’t possess the power to see the future – hence I don’t know what the movie will be like before I actually see it.
“Please, if you think it’s so horrible, then you go make your own Batman movie the way you want it.”
By this logic, no one should ever criticize any movie no matter how bad unless they’re willing to make a movie themselves.
Seriously, some people need to learn that we don’t have to just accept everything we see.
In reply to bhagwad
Well your criticism is valid I guess. But I thought all 3 Dark knight series were a fantastic.
The reason why I feel that is because there’s nothing out there in hollywood that even comes close to what Nolan achieved. The previous Batman series (batman and robin and the shit works almost 2 decades back) sucked so much that I couldn’t tell who’s the joker and who’s batman.
So giving Nolan a little credit I think it was a fantastic attempt towards what Batman should have been. Hope future renditions of Batman would be more menacing. I hope they choose an actor with a good square jawline.
Till then I’m gonna keep loving The Dark Knight series.
I really agree with everything here. I believe Nolan’s Batman movies are the most over-rated ever. I understand that he wanted to make Batman realistic but in doing so he actually took all of the fantasy and fun out of the movies. The number one reason I go to movies is to have fun. Nolan’s Batman movies suffered from severe pacing issues and seem to drag on much longer than they should. When it feels like the movie should be winding down and coming to an end Nolan just keeps dragging it on, and it starts to feel like a Michael Bay movie because of this. Both Burton’s and Schumacher’s films really feel like roller-coaster rides; they go out to do what they are trying to do, they take you for the ride, end then its over.
And I really agree with you as I CAN NOT STAND the Tumbler from Nolan’s movies. But I absolutely love all three of the Batmobiles from Burton’s and Schumacher’s movies.
In reply to Josh
You hit the nail on the head – there’s no fantasy element at all. And despite Batman’s “realistic” credentials, he is a comic book character. He’s larger than life. And Nolan turns him into a joke.
In reply to Josh
I totally agree with the criticism. I like the series until i started reading comics. The movie batman and comics one are miles apart. The one in comic strikes fear in opponents, he knows his opponents in and out, he is menacing, cunning, clever.
You know I actually Kind of agree with you. But the Nolan movies Were Amazing to Watch. But Still I can say. I know the character just as much as you claim. And I Agree. these movies Could have been better.
In reply to Matthew
To tell you the truth Matt, the movies don’t even come close to the comic books. In the comics, Bane was a real badass. In the “Knightfall” series he actually wore Batman down and broke him. The Bane in the movie was nothing like the Bane in the comic books. If you want to see what the Dark Knight is truly about, treat yourself to “Knightfal Part one: Broken Bat” and “Knightfall Part Two: Who Rules the Night”. Each one is a mega magazine comprised of 11 or 12 issues. If you are a true Batman fan, you’ll love these.
I both love Nolan’s Trilogy AND agree with you simultaneously. On the one hand I appreciated Nolan’s take on The Batman, the realism, the suit, the Tumbler, all of that. I think his self contained trilogy was its own thing, for better or worse, and there are many things I love about it but just as many things I did not like about it. That being said, i’m ready to see a cinematic Batman that really goes back to the comics for its take on the character. Ben Affleck aside, i’m really hoping that Kevin Smith’s recent gushing details of the new Batsuit are going to be satisfying to fans of the comics. I’m really hoping for a suit that looks like the Batman suit from the comics, and I would also like to see the white eyes as well, the Iron Man point you made about that is spot on, and that’s always been part of Batman’s fun, the glowing white eyes add the finishing layer to a character who thrives on using fear to battle his enemies. Hopefully Snyder delivers us a Batman that we will be happy with, and i’m really keeping my fingers crossed that Ben will surprise everyone, including myself. One thing I really hated about Nolan’s Batman was the voice, he really sounded ridiculous plain and simple. What I would like to see instead is a built in sort of voice box changer inside the cowl that simply plays on Affleck’s voice and makes it more baritone and deeper instead of some stupid growling thing like Nolan did. Ben’s natural voice is almost comedic, so they should definitely do something on that front. Too bad we have two long years for Batman vs Superman :/
In reply to Roger
If I’m not mistaken, they digitally altered Bale’s voice to make it the way it was. Terrible…I mean…how can you take a guy seriously when he talks like that? :D
Here’s hoping the next Batman movie shows us comic fans some love!
In reply to Roger
If you’re interested in Batman vs. Superman check out the animated versions of “Batman – The Dark Knight Returns Vol.1 & 2”, where Batman kicks Superman’s ass. It’s all done with technology, where Bruce Wayne is a master, next to Ironman (Tony Stark) of course. If you are a true Batman aficionado, you should pick up some of the original Batman animated series (Vol. 1-4). There you get a look at the animation and how it evolved from the smooth rounded animation to the more angular animation. Another one you may be interested in is “Batman Year One” where you get a glimpse into the evolution of Jim Gordon before he became Commissioner Gordon. That is truly an exposition into the “dark” side of Batman. Of course the animated movie of “Batman, The Mask of the Phantasm” is a much have as well. I could go on and on, but that should give you an idea of what is out there in the way of animation. Of course there are the comic books themselves – that is where it all began.
You guys don’t get it. Bhagwad you hit the nail on the proverbial head. But the again, they can never do a movie that truly complements the book. Whether that book is a novel or a comic book. I myself prefer the animated versions of Batman. At least with the animated versions, they can show just how dark Batman really is. I have an animated version of Batman – The Dark Knight Returns Vol.1 & 2, where Batman kicks Superman’s ass. He also finally kills the Joker. Now that is a true “dark” knight. In fact I’d rather watch the animated versions of Batman than any other version. To tell you the truth, I’m a closet cartoon freak. Don’t tell anyone.
In reply to Ron Boothe
One more thing, that Joker that Heath Ledger did was pathetic. I truly believe that they should have gotten Mark Hammel to play the Joker. He does the voice over in all the animated cartoons. I mean he nails that maniacal laugh to a tee. Even in the Mask of that Phantam, he nails that laugh. Heath Ledger’s makeup kept getting smudge off. The real Joker didn’t use makeup. His face was the cause of him falling into a vat of industrial acid. Like the man said, stay true to the comics, don’t try and reinvent a legend.
I only agree on the fighting part, it was too slow and looks like classic fighting scene. Batman should be more agile. But about the costume, I think the old pattern can’t be suit into modern film, it look nice in cartoon but not in reality. Bale’s costume might look hard but it has futuristic modern look. If u put a batman with underwear on the outside on nowadays movie, people will think that it’s a joke. Sure Nolan’s movie has it’s flaw, but It’s still great, not as bad as u mentioned.
I agree.
As much as I enjoyed Batman Begins as a kid, I never really *felt* like it did proper justice to the character and mythos. That style of grey, washed out kinetically weird pseudo-realism is well, not just actually unrealistic and pointless (it’s weird how naive we are about what’s ‘realistic’, we’ll be the joke of future generations), but it’s just makes a completely unattractive movie. I’m pretty sure I’ve only watched Dark Knight twice.
Nolan’s Batman always lacked the right sense of art. For all that he goes on about the power of theatre, the movies lacked it almost entirely, except in the sketchiest blockbuster sense.
I had the exact same issues with MoS. It was a fine movie, but it was a Superman movie that was completely oblivious to Superman, because they’ve picked up a really bad notion somewhere of how you ‘update’ things. It doesn’t mean ‘take all the joy and fun out of it’.
But I suppose it’s can’t be a bad thing that Batman is popular, despite lacking portrayals. It means there’s money in Batman, and that means better chances of good productions more along the lines of ‘Gotham Knight’, etc. In a decade or so, they’ll probably make Batman again, and this time it’ll be done right, because Nolan’s films will be the new square.
Other:
Heath Ledger’s Joker: Never impressed me. His ‘crazy effect’ was pretty pedestrian affectation. But I think the problem was really the mundane dialogue. He’s supposed to be an insane psychosociopath, yet he gives the most textbook fanboy ‘look how outside the system I am’ speeches ever. The part where he’s muttering out loud “I want you to hit me! Go on! I want you to do it!” is the cheesiest, crudest, most hackneyed ‘look how not normal I am! I love death!’ Yeah we get it asshole, you’re the exact dictionary definition of sociopath, copy-pasted from the internet, and you’re bland as bread.
Batman: Not much to say here, but I’ll say it anyway. Never was a fan of Bale for Batman. We all grew up with the 90s BTAS, so we all know the score here. Just gotta say I agree with you. My favourite memories of Batman was the silhouettes of him fighting on rooftops and in buildings, and the whole ‘scowl at you in the dark with my glowing eyes’ thing. It was frackling fantastic. There’s no way you couldn’t achieve a similiar effect even in a Nolanesque film. Matrix did pretty well with its artistic style.
Bane: Lol. I guess he was supposed to be a ‘gentleman criminal’ of some kind in this movie. I would say he was boring too, but I can’t really tell if that’s him, or just the movie itself.
Add to that, wearying amounts of philosophical exposition, by-the-numbers plot-points, and tedious little kinematic ‘punchline-scenes’ that have gotten really old in all of Nolan’s films. Though he has toned them down a bit now.
I mean, everything’s so text-book. For example, Joker’s big scene in Dark Knight was basically the most well known moral dilemma of all history, the ‘do you press the button’ thing. Hell, I kicked down that dilemma when I was 10 years old playing BG2. I mean, it’s a great classic moral dilemma, but it just shows how archetypical, and unvaryingly straight-down-the-line everything in Batman really is. And it’s presenting all this as if it something extraordinary, edgy and boundary-pushing. Heck no. It’s mind-bogglingly traditional, but we’re just distracted from it by the highly kinetic editing. (Maybe it’s just the constraints of making the most widely appealing movie you can.)
It’s like he just worked from a How-To-Cinema manual than threw in cute little gags.
Batman is everything I thought I would like. A large array of martial arts, pure brains and intellect, skills beyond human standards. Amazingly athletic and quick on his feet. NON-POWERED. I see him as this Chuck Norris ripoff(he sucks) and Steven Seagel(he sucks too), that walks like he just ate 40 pounds of steak. He fights like his legs weight a ton, in this term, in these words, HE DIDN’T LIFT HIS FUCKING LEGS AT ALL. He acts like doesn’t know 127 martial arts. He is suppose to be the epitome of human condition, and he fight’s like that? Inconceivable! He should be able to do a 2 1/2 spiral frontflip without a trampoline but he wasn’t even strutting his stuff in the film. I guess he couldn’t because of that hideous, bulky, bondage piece of crap outfit. I don’t read comics because they are never available to me, so I’m more of a movie guy. Chris Nolan had a perfect chance to entertain us people with A BRAIN, but this turned up to be one of the worst superhero films out there. And the worst thing about it, people liked it.
In reply to KTM
Agreed. Batman’s fighting style was pathetic. He was like some low class boxer!