How to Kidnap Someone – What NOT to do!

This happened sixteen years ago. One of those ruminations that just catches you off guard. I realized that I’ve had some pretty atypical experiences that I should talk about. I should take advantage of the fact that I have the freedom to say anything I want and that I don’t have an “image” to keep up. But this incident isn’t sensitive in any way. It’s just something that happened.

I was cycling home from an NCC parade in the 9th standard and entered a lonely stretch of road that I always took when I suddenly noticed a man jogging behind me asking me to stop. I’m not an idiot, and didn’t actually stop, but continued cycling till the end of the road where there was far more visibility. He then caught the end of the cycle with his hand and I then stopped and got down.

I asked him what he wanted and he said my father had sent him to bring me back. This made no sense whatsoever. I may be naive, but I’m not stupid! My dad would never send a creep like this guy to talk to me. So I lied and told him my father was out of station to see his reaction. Nothing…no protest or denial. So, that was clearly out.

Then he switched his tack and gave me some other patently false reason which I forget now. When that didn’t work, he simply said that I had no choice but to come with him. I felt something pricking my arm hard and looked down to see he had a piece of glass in his hand and was holding it against me. I guess I should have been scared, but I wasn’t. It was such a tiny piece of glass that I was merely curious and a little amused.

I reached out, and simply plucked the damn thing from his fingers, looked at it for a moment and then threw it casually behind my shoulder! It was that easy to “disarm” this particular opponent :D

He looked a bit lost after that. He started to try and sweet talk me, gave me his name, generally trying to be my friend. By this time of course, I was damn certain he was up to no good. I got back onto my bike and cycled to the main road with him running alongside me. I was pretty confident he couldn’t do anything to me now. So when I reached the main road, I looked around for someone who could help. I spotted an elderly looking man, stopped him and explained my situation with my “kidnapper” still standing next to me looking rather lost. The gentleman told me to go on and that he would take care of it. I heard him warning the guy that the police station was just close by and then they were both lost behind me.

I came home pretty excited of course and related my story. My parents listened attentively and we never talked about the thing again.

I’ve thought about this a lot and figured out what the guy did wrong :D

Here’s my checklist for how to kidnap someone:

1. Don’t misjudge your victim. I was always short and looked too young for my age.  So he probably thought I was in 6th or something. You can’t get away with telling a 14 year old (no matter how tiny) that his father sent some creep to bring him home.

2. Come up with a plausible line and work on your delivery. Practice in front of a mirror if necessary! Don’t just stand there expecting your victim to walk into your trap. Take some pride in your work man!

3. If you’re going to carry a weapon, make some effort to have it look scary. Things to avoid – small chips of glass, needles, and cuddly yellow balls.

Hilarity aside, I wonder how different my life would have been had the guy succeeded in whisking me away. Would I be where I am now? Would I be dead – just another statistic? Would he be dead? It’s a bit scary to think how close one came to your entire life being turned upside down…