Every now and then I’m struck with bouts of existential angst. We live in a meaningless universe that doesn’t care for us, and when we die we no longer exist except as an idea in the minds of those who knew us.
Slowly, but with terrible certainty we lose everything we’re attached to. Every. Single. Thing. There are those who say that our mind is the only thing that cannot be taken away from us, but that not true either. We can slowly sink into dotardly old age losing our memory, our sharpness and clarity. If I live long enough, I will also lose my wife. I plan to get a dog sometime in the near future, but I’m only setting myself up to lose him or her in around a decade and a half.
I like my current environment and my lifestyle. But at any time I can lose my clients and struggle to find new ones. My income stream will be disrupted. So that too is on unstable ground. And in death, I lose my life and the very awareness I treasure so much. We’re all going to lose everything that matters to us. That we care for. And there’s nothing we can do about it.
This is depressing to say the least. But what to do? Such is the nature of the world we live in. I think if we could inculcate the ability of “letting go” in ourselves, this will ease our pain greatly. But how do we do that? More importantly, isn’t it possible that in the process of developing this ability we will lose some of the enjoyment of the present? I don’t know.
Here’s what Lao Tzu had to say in the Tao Teh Ching:
Therefore, the Sage manages his affairs without ado,
And spreads his teaching without talking.
He denies nothing to the teeming things.
He rears them, but lays no claim to them.
He does his work, but sets no store by it.
He accomplishes his task, but does not dwell upon it.
“He rears them but lays no claim to them”. That I think is they key. Not “laying claim” to anything. As long as we have this feeling that we have a god given right to something, we’re setting ourselves up for disaster and pain. Do I have a right to my wife’s presence in my life? No. The truth of the matter is that no matter how I may feel otherwise, we are separate entities. She has her own path and her own journey in this world.
There’s more. At some point of time, our universe will become a dead dark thing – forever. No activity or movement, no stars…no light. Already 95% of all stars that will ever be born have been created. The age of the stars will end and the eternity of night will begin. I won’t be here, but it’s sad nonetheless that all the things I love are doomed. I have to let go of all of that too. At least in thought. Because it’s all passing. Only death awaits everything.
If I can just practice letting go of everything I cherish, it’ll be so much easier. It’s aligning myself with reality anyway. Nothing’s stopping me from enjoying good things when they’re there, but loss is as much a part of existence. And I have to deal with it.
Amazing that you should think of all this… it’s a life changing realisation that we don’t matter and there is no one looking out for us, no matter how ‘good’ we have been, how we suffer doesn’t matter.
Don’t you ever wish you could believe in a loving creator and in destiny, and in nothing ever happening without a reason?
In reply to Indian Homemaker
I would love to believe in a loving creator – someone who looks out for us, takes care of us when we die and who makes everything happen for a reason. That we’re all part of a big plan.
But what to do? I know there’s nothing like that waiting for us :(
” I lose my life and the very awareness I treasure so much. ”
Awareness will not be lost –
In actual fact there is no “i ” to lose it; so “i” never had it and so cannot lose it
Beautifully written……
In reply to tp
Why do you feel that awareness will not be lost? When there’s nothing after death, how can it be avoided?
What you state is perfectly True. The ” creator ” cares not; creator and creation which includes all forces and laws of physics, chemistry etc are of the same substance. It does not care.
It is ONLY The Masters who live on, invisible to us, who may care, guide and protect us. They might also care enough to take upon themselves some untoward event that might come upon us,
They, who have tread on earth and have seen the Truth of existence ( as you see it ) and who have perceived the presence of creator and creation within and who therefore know that they exist as Creator even when visible and invisible creation are no more –
In reply to tp
I don’t believe in anything that can’t be proved. Since we don’t have scientific and verifiable evidence of these “masters”, there’s no reason to assume they exist.
This ” knowing that they exist as creator ” is the awareness which was before your body was formed, remains as long as your body remains and remains even after the body has stopped being a living being.
It is like a thread that runs through a bead necklace. The beads may break but the string that holds them remains
In reply to tp
How do you know this?
Like I said before unless you have evidence of these claims, you can’t expect others to just accept what you say.
Yes the proof is subjective and cannot be proved to any one unless they experience it for themselves…
When you meditate do you not perceive ( even if only dimly ) a vibrant, powerful yet silent existence within ? like the axyl of a wheel that stays steady even as the wheel turns upon it…..
In reply to tp
Subjective proof doesn’t count :)
That existence when I meditate is myself! And there’s no reason to believe it will carry on when I die.
Yes that existence IS yourself; YOU are THAT eternal existence as well as the visible and invisible, but very tangible aspects of yourself. you are EVERYTHING..
I may have a terrible stomach ache that is only known to myself; but it’s enough proof for me to know that IT IS THERE; i dont need to prove it to anyone else; it is VERY REAL to me…
In reply to tp
Yes, and your stomach ache will cease to exist after you die! Just like everything else.
thats not the point that i was trying to make; i was trying to point out that subjective proof ( like a stomach ache that nobody else can feel ) is enough for a person to know something for himself; he doesnt care if another cannot beleive him just because the other cannot experience it himself
In reply to tp
What of those people who subjectively believe that Santa Claus exists?
Again diverting from the point i was trying to make. Who cares whether anyone believes in Santa Claus ?
In reply to tp
I care – because if you want people like me to care about your beliefs without proof, then we also have to care about people who believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, unicorns, leprechauns and the boogie man.
In reply to bhagwad
What you said is reasonable enough, but only to the brains of humans. Maybe a proof exist, but human brains are not capable of comprehending that. For example, jst try to answer this simple question. What exists outside our universe ? If anything does, it has to be a part of the universe itself. Now you’ll say universe is infinite. But can U clearly comprehend the notion of infinity ? No, because human brains are not capable of it. So maybe similar things are true for the “what happens after death?” question…
In reply to Rajat
Except that argument is non falsifiable. That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
Also, there are many things the human mind cannot accept but which science addresses regardless. Like quantum mechanics, relativity, and even the mathematics of infinities. Mathematical equations can tell us things we could never “intuitively grasp”.
The existence.that you experience during meditation is ‘concept free’ which is why it is peaceful.It is the only experience that will not fade when everything else does.But even this is not absoutely true. idont know whether i would be able to retain the experience if i had a toothache !
Now for the point about losing awareness when the body dies.Those who have had near death experiences say that they are fully conscious and aware even as they see their body lying dead.
But since this deepest part of ourselves – the concept free satate is so blissful, why get depressed about the fact that everything will be gone one day ? Lets endeavour to dive deep within and firmly abide there all the time :)
The question also is does Awareness need a brain to be aware ? Guess this has no answer…… except for those who have had near death experiences. But were they brain dead ?
In reply to tp
Awareness is just software – it’s can’t exist without the hardware.
In reply to tp
The answer to this is simple…do you retain any awareness of anything before your birth? If Awareness does not need a brain to be aware, surely you should have had awareness before your birth…
Everything related to our awareness, consciousness, intelligence, imagination, memory etc are a result of the physical processes taking place in our brain. None of these attributes can exist without the brain.
Near Death Experiences are interesting, but those experiences aren’t real experiences. They are also a function of what is happening in our brains.