The other day, someone told me that being at home and taking care of kids while the husband is away at work is damn easy. This person herself didn’t have children and was working, but was of the opinion that all single mothers were using the excuse of “it’s so tough” as a way of protecting their cushy lifestyle. Based on what I’ve heard, I tried telling her about how tough it was, but she asked me for a specific breakdown of the jobs that a parent would do at home with one kid starting from the time they got up.
Not having kids, I couldn’t answer this of course. She strengthened her point by saying that Indians can hire maids to do the housework, cooking, washing and cleaning so there’s not much pressure on that score. And if the child is old enough to go to school…well, there’s nothing left for the homemaker to do at all!
Another point put forward was that many working people also take care of the home such as doing the cleaning, washing, grocery shopping and educating their children. So those who remain at home full time have it much easier than them since they don’t have the additional burden of earning.
Anupa and I are very open about the fact that we don’t want kids. Too much responsibility, financial commitment and hassle for my taste. I’m a lazy person and kids would completely ruin my lifestyle.
I keep hearing horror stories of how much effort kids are. For a while, I watched the series “Desperate Housewives” where Linette – a mother of four literally broke down from the stress and pressure. Her house was in a mess, the kids were running around breaking things, no one was listening to her…and she lost it. Her husband was off at work, providing the financial resources for the family. So I’m well schooled and taken these warnings to heart.
But I find it very difficult to answer specific questions. So I decided to ask those of you who actually have this kind of job. It’s an important question because it has links to things like alimony and property division where a woman’s contribution to the household needs to be valued if she is to get her fair share. But if people think that there’s not really much work going into it, then that notion loses a lot of its power.
So what kind of response does one give when faced with the question of what exactly a homemaker does hour by hour starting from the time she gets up to the time she goes to sleep? Let’s assume there’s one child in the household and a maid to help with the work.
It kind of sucks that we need to provide this kind of justification in the first place. Staying at home and taking care of kids and house is part of the agreement between two spouses. Even if we find that one spouse has it easy, the agreement is between them to share everything equally. Suppose we found that the earning partner – say the man – has a really cushy job where he just has to sit in one place without doing anything and still earns a lot of money, would we complain and say that he has it easy? Probably not.
But like I said, I’ve seen enough indirect evidence to believe that being a homemaker is a lot of hassle. I’m just not able to put it into words. How do I respond to questions like the one above?
It is difficult to generalize the opinion about this topic.This topic has a lot of faces.
1)I agree with Rishi because I have seen a lot of lazy house wives who do nothing other than eat and put on weight,complain the husband for not fulfilling her financial needs,laments about the burden of kids/in-laws/maids
and lazy even to take care of themselves.
2)They work round the clock like a slave,end up in bed much before old age.They think that taking care of themselves is a sin and the motto of their life is to do work for their family.
3)They work round the clock because they have no choice.
4)Though they work round the clock,they will be good at delegating the work.Either they will keep a maid or they do work with proper management.Most of these women are lucky to have supportive husbands.
5)They will be rich enough to keep a maid.They make sure that the work is done by the maid.They pursure their hobbies or activies.They interact with people and make sure that they are not bored in life without doing anything.
6)They work in office and they will be healthy and smart enough to balance both work and office.
7)They work in office but they either lack the skill to balance both work and home or their situation at home will be unsupportive that they have to run around to satisfy both the ends.
If you ask my case,I have felt that when I sit at home wanting to take a break from work, I end up doing a lot of household chores.During weekdays,as I’m already tired after the work,the household work sees a hold.So in short,I get more time to rest during weekdays than on weekends.
In reply to Bhavia
I agree – maybe we shouldn’t classify all women who stay at home in the same way…
In reply to bhagwad
Its very subjective bhagwad and depends on the interpersonal relationships/ power dynamics at home. If the homemaker is an easy going type and has a likeminded partner, things are imo definitely easier for her at home – even with one kid, esp if there is a maid.
She can get into a routine and cook up “easy” stuff – noodles/ bread toast on most workday mornings in about 20 mins flat. Lunch and dinner can be worked on together at one shot – the curries reused – I’d guess the effort here is 1 hour in preparation and 1 more hour in cooking: 30 mins at lunch and30 mins at dinner. Add 2 rounds of tea, another 30 mins.
there can be backup plans for days she feels “down” – leftovers reheated, or takeout from nearby eateries.
hubby and kid can be trained to do their own dishes/ help with the overall dishes etc. But general housekeeping and reordering the kitchen can be, I guess another 1 hour.
Supervising the maid can be a challenge, esp when they try to trick you with their “express clean” service that doesnt clean, and dont turn up with one excuse or the other, with no notice. On days the maid turns up, the homemaker would be “on the job” at say 25% load for the 40mins or so that the maid spends at home. If the maid doesnt turn up, its 100%.
But the toughest challenge she may face is with the schoolgoing kid. Even reasonably reputed schools have offloaded much of their jobs to parents- which by default will be the stay-at-home mom if the dad is pulling late nights. She will be spending 2 hours of each weekday in supervising the schoolwork.
So the total would be about 6.5 hours (my estimate for a weekday). It would not all be grinding work but would be monotonous and repetitive.
There are many desk jobs that are the same. The difference would be the company of others at the same location and the feeling of empowerment from actually getting paid.
thanks
Jai
In reply to jai_C
That’s true – a homemaker’s job is without tangible and direct reward, which can tend to devalue it in the mind’s of others…
Hello,
Time & Motion principles are good in theory. Applied to practical situations…they have always failed miserably. So, no sense asking ‘what a home-maker does hour-to-hour’. That besides, we can’t ignore the fact that home-makers MEN or WOMEN are human beings and human laws apply. Ergo, to me this whole discussion is pointless. Regards – KRV
I dont get where the judgement comes from. Maybe someone is a lazy housewife. Maybe someone is not. So? Are they asking you for money? Are they asking you to help with their chores? Its their life and they have sorted it out between their family members. About financial independence, how do we know? Maybe they have an inheritance. Maybe they made enough money to last them a life time. Or maybe their spouse is so goddamn rich that he does not care either way or agrees it is more of a value add with her staying at home.
If you take two people, one of them is bound to have a harder life than the other. No two people can lead exactly the same lives. I don’t see people giving someone a hard time because they said “OMG my job is so hard!” by second guessing that they are goofing off at work or because they have X number of people reporting to them. Then why this treatment for housewives?
In reply to Meghana
I agree with you…This discussion is pointless…A person’s choice is a exactly that – their choice…If a man or woman decides to be a homemaker, how does it affect people other than their immediate family? Women don’t have it easy…If they decide to stay at home, they have to justify their choice by showing others how much they contribute…If they decide to work, they have to justify their choice by showing others that they do take care of their kids…Similarly with men who decide to stay at home…It is harder for them because people snicker at their choice…
Your question made me remember a long forgotten joke…perhaps it will answer your question too…
goes like this.. A man always used to ask his homemaker wife about what she does whole day…according to him it was so easy to sit comfortably at home and do nothing..but his wife never answered…one day, he returned home…saw his wife sitting on couch having a sip of tea watching TV,she didn’t even respond to him and kids were shouting like hell..tearing away the cushions and breaking things while quarreling…to his surprise there was no tea for him..he went to kitchen to grab some eatables but found nothing to eat and…messy kitchen…very angrily he confronted his wife asking “what did you do whole day”….wife got up smiling and answered, everyday you asked me the same thing and i did not know what to answer… but today i can answer “I DID NOTHING”….!!
that’s what homemaker do…make our life easy…organize us and we dont even notice how dedicated she is towards us!!
YES…….. I totally agree……………Someone women want to work, while others like to stay home. I am a homemaker. My husband works. To me getting a job would be easy compared to want I have to deal with at home, BUT that is my opinion. Sometimes I envy my husband, because I wish I had his job. Just to get out of the house, away from the kids, and enjoy yourself by yourself. So much free time his has to sit down and eat without sharing everything, clean up a HUGE mess three times a day, and then homeschooling my 2 out of 4 children. Then consistence yelling, cleaning, laundry, teaching, changing diapers, cooking, organizing everyone’s clothes and everything in the house, bathing and brushing teeth, breaking up fights and arguments, and on top of that I do not get a break or a nap or days off. My work is everyday all day. He can come home shut the door and take a nap. Mind you I am responsible for everyone and thing in the house. Which is not a problem, but it is HARD. I am not a drinker at all and sometimes, I just want a drink! It is crazy! So I think it depends on how much a homemaker does. How many children she has. Having 4 and being a homemaker is crazy, hard, and not fun. It feels like a job that never ends. Without pay or bonus or vacation or promotions, it is like working like a slave. But, I decided I wanted to be a homemaker and I even though I think it is one of the hardest jobs in the world, I love it, because I know my children are not being beaten over the head, punched, bitten, smacked, sexual harassed and so on by a daycare provider, teacher or peer. But I not saying one is better than the other. Some women love working and others decide to stay home. Every women is different. I would love to work, but in my relationship, it is better for me to stay home, because my husband can not handle my job nor the children. An I can not handle trying to handle working, paying bills and trying to have the responsibilities as a homemaker. I could see my husband was a good homemaker then we could both work and have homemaker duties. BUT HE MAKES A TERRIBLE HOMEMAKER, I know from experience , so it is what it is. Just got to make it work for both of you and OF COURSE THE CHILDREN. (did not proof read, sorry for grammar errors).
In reply to TIA
Been there…with you, all the way…it was heartbreakingly hard at times… but being in a place where one is primarily responsible for making a home and moulding the children is one of the best places to be in….
My opinion is given a chance why would any one want to work? If I had pots of gold or wealth like Warren Baffett I would get up in the morning go for a world tour,sight seeing, enjoy good food, drinks,good company,watch theater, musical shows,movies, do some social work ,play some sports and go to sleep. Aaaaah what a good life that would be. But to come back to your post, its good when a lady or a man can be at home to look after the child and supervise the house work to give things a personal touch that’s all. why would you want (except for financial reasons ) both the partners to work and come home dead beat?And what the home maker does at home is strictly her/his own business I think.
In reply to Nima Das
Oh yeah, I agree completely! I’m the first person to advocate for not working if you have a choice :D . The subject of my post was genuine curiosity prompted by a discussion I was having with someone who said that homemakers lead a chill life. Nothing more.
That said, I think we should be open to the idea of both men and women having the opportunity to sit at home while the other partner works.
In reply to Nima Das
i agree with this comment Bhagwad..
” its good when a lady or a man can be at home to look after the child and supervise the house work to give things a personal touch that’s all. why would you want (except for financial reasons ) both the partners to work and come home dead beat?And what the home maker does at home is strictly her/his own business I think.”
In reply to tp
Sure it’s their own business. No one is forcing them to respond. It’s a question – they can talk about it, or refuse. It’s their choice.