Anupa was watching a movie called Vicky Donor on her laptop the other day and was telling me how the hero “gets” the girl. First she finds him irritating, but he continues to stalk her, force himself on her and make her feel uncomfortable. They slowly she starts to care for him and they hook up!
Everything I know about human nature and whatever experience I have with women tells me that this is impossible. India’s a dangerous place for woman and a stalker is not a threat to take lightly. Continue rebuffing them and they can easily get violent. Especially when movies from all over the country teach men that if they continue to harass the woman long enough, she’ll give in and fall in love with them. I’d written about this when I watched the movie “Rockstar” where I was astounded by how a girl “fell” for the “hero” even after he continued behaving in an abominable manner.
A common theme running through all these movies is the perceived class difference between the girl and the guy. In real life, there’s no way I can imagine an employed girl or one who has a good future ahead of her, hooking up with a loser like the hero. The reason why this happens in films I think is because it’s targeted towards the large swathe of men who in reality simply have no chance to meet up, socialize ,or flirt with girls who are confident, accomplished, and intelligent.
And harassment needs no spectacular skills. Anyone can constantly stalk another person without relying on good qualities in themselves. You don’t need to connect with the girl on an intellectual level, be nice to her, determine whether you’re a good match or not, find out if you share the same principles, or simply accept the fact that she’s not interested and may never be. No – that would be too fraught with risk. Too much “bhav” to the girl if you give her the power to decide whether or not she’s interested in you
The solution is much simpler. Just force her to be interested! After all, everyone knows that deep down a woman’s “No” actually means yes doesn’t it? Just to confirm whether or not I was reading this right, I asked Anupa how she would feel about someone constantly waiting outside her home, harassing her at work, calling her all the time, and imposing himself on her privacy 24 hrs a day. She said she would not only be turned off, but would call the police!
Which brings me to the next question. Why do these filmy girls not complain to anyone or call the police? A stalker is no laughing matter. Instead, she just *tut tuts* her disapproval and carries on. She doesn’t seem worried that the guy’s a psycho and that he might attack her one day. All this just affirms what these jobless guys in the real world want to believe – that deep down inside, women like to be eve teased and catcalled.
Now it’s possible that I’m living in a fantasy world and that the majority of women don’t actually mind. Maybe I’m wrong in thinking that they would find it scary. I don’t think so however. With the newspapers full of reports about women getting assaulted and harassment turning into something deadlier, I think it’s just common sense to be afraid of a stalker.
But this depiction isn’t going to change unless men themselves get disgusted with the tactics employed by these so called “heroes”. It needs to be driven home that such behavior is unacceptable and if the guy wants to have a decent chance with a girl, he needs to make her feel secure in his presence. Not be constantly worried that he’s going to fly off the handle.
Unfortunately, social realities play second fiddle to box office performance. And you gotta give what the majority of people expect and hunger for. And right now, that appears to be the assurance that you can essentially force a woman to fall in love with you by behaving like a total creep.