Indian law and Indian society is uncomfortable with the idea of adulthood – and specially that of women. We’ve seen time and again that the law refuses to treat grown women over the age of 18 as full fledged adults capable of making their own decisions. Whether it is courts “protecting” them by forcing live in couples to marry, or charging men with rape for voluntary intercourse with a major, it looks as if we’re terrified at letting our kids grow up and take responsibility for their lives.
But a regressive judgment from the Kerala High Court is really too much. The court has pronounced that parents have the right to interfere in the love life of their adult children “in their best interests”. There was a period of time when the courts were the last bastion of sense in India. When politicians tore up the Constitution and when religious nuts were going berserk, we could always look to the courts to restore sanity and remind people of the basic principles of our democracy. Now that faith is being repeatedly shaken. First the Supreme Court refuses to pronounce Section 377 unconstitutional, and now the highest court in the state throws the concept of adulthood to the dogs.
Here’s one of the most absurd comments ever to pass the mouth of a judge:
Ours is a society which has recognised freedom to every citizen. But then, these changes that we proudly talk about, and the liberties that are guaranteed to our citizens, cannot be stretched beyond limits nor can such freedom be made weapons to destroy our fundamental values or social establishments like families, which, undoubtedly, concede authority on parents to advise and guide their children.
Where do I even start? Let’s start with the Constitution. Does it talk about “social establishments”? No. Does it talk about “fundamental social values”? Are these values defined? No. Where in the Constitution does it say that parents have the authority to “advise and guide” their adult children? Well to be fair, there’s no harm in “advice” as long as it’s just words. But in this case, the parents illegally detained their adult daughter and instead of putting the parents in jail, the court is defending them!
Wanted: Judges who have absolute loyalty only to the Constitution and the law and and don’t give a flying fuck about “society” or “social values” or whatever the hell the great protectors of India culture pull out of their asses. This judgment is illegal and there are no two ways about it. I think the Supreme Court should take suo moto cognizance of this absurd case and punish the judges involved. A judge who introduces his or her own prejudices and mindsets that go against the Constitution has no place on a bench. Especially one that is as powerful and authoritative as the High Court of a state.
Dear Judges,
The only thing that matters is the Constitution. If a law or act goes against the basic structure of the Constitution, it is illegal. End of story. Anything outside it doesn’t exist and you have no right to make up your own laws. There is no “society”, there is no “social structure”. Adulthood – which means that people are responsible for their actions – is a core value of our country. It means people can vote, they can drive, they can have their own children and yes…they can choose their own life partners. After 18, there’s nothing parents can do but sit back and accept the choices of their children.
And don’t give me the “oh, parents sacrificed so much” line. Every animal on this planet does its very best for its offspring, even to the extent of giving their lives for their young ones. I expect no less from humans. It’s not something awesome and noble. It’s normal. Children pay it back by doing the same for their kids. The favor is propagated forward, not backwards.
In the end, this is all about control. Indians are insecure with the notion of freedom, which is odd considering that we fought tooth and nail to get it. But then…it was never really about freedom. We wanted freedom from the British. But lots of people didn’t have any objections to being subjugated by our own countrymen! No wonder even our courts don’t understand what it means to be free.
It seems so liberating a feeling that young adults be given freedom of choice to love,live-in,or marry……so coothcie-coothcie goody-goody…..I am philosopher from Utopia..! This World is not Utopia. Come out of your dreams and Wait till you have a grown-up daughter who elopes with a murderer/terrorist …then, at that point of time I Shall ask you …Hello sir, Happy now? Feeling so Goody-Goody. No?
In reply to bastab
Actually if there is no fear of being honor killed, thrashed, thrown out of the house (etc) there would be no need to elope. A young woman might date a murderer/terrorist and make up her mind, without fearing that her own family members would turn out to be the murderers and terrorists for her.
In reply to bastab
My feelings have no place in law. The law says that after my child is 18 years old, they are considered adults. If my child goes against my wishes, I have no choice but to accept it as long as they are not doing anything illegal. And then, my wishes may not be what is best for my child – after all I am a human being capable of making mistakes.
Would you consider parents or “well wishers” taking control of how you spend your hard earned money just because they don’t like how you spend it?
In reply to bastab
As a parent, I would certainly advise my child. But at 18, my kid would be an intelligent adult capable of making his/her own decisions. They know their life and their feelings better than me.
Finally, remember what Gandhi said:
“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”
In reply to bastab
You are making no sense. Why would my (hypothetical) grown up daughter necessarily marry a murderer or terrorist just because she has been given freedom of choice to love, live-in or marry. After all, my parents’ daughter who has grabbed the choice to love, live-in and not marry has not yet run away with a murderer or terrorist.
That apart, if that’s what she chooses ultimately, I would blame my upbringing and try to support her when she comes to her senses. I would discuss the matter with her and point out the problems she might face with her stupid decision. I would sorrowfully accept that she has made a bad decision and hope that she will find her path back some day. What I would NOT do is forcibly detain her or emotionally blackmail her into following my dictates because I would respect her as a human being.
In reply to Fem
Well said Fem.
In reply to bastab
@ bastab – LMAO, even if you yourself arrange the marriage, it can still be to a murderer/terrorist that you are unaware of!
FYI…your happiness and your daughter’s happiness are separate because you are separate human beings.
In reply to A. Madhavan
Some people talk as if every arranged marriage is a success. The truth however is that even if an arranged marriage turns out wrong, they will inevitably continue to blame the woman for it in some way or the other.
We Indians have some kind of collective Stockholm Syndrome, whereby we still yearn to be controlled and told and shown what is to be done (by force if needed to), by some oppressors. Centuries of servitude does that to you. Another manifestation of this characteristic is the yearning we have for a “benevolent dictator” who will build up India to superpower status even if it means at the cost of personal freedom and liberty. We don’t want it or deserve it.
In reply to vadakkus
I completely agree. I too have often heard this “benevolent dictator” nonsense. Yes, it’s very much indicative of a yearning to be controlled.
Once a person is an adult, he or she should be able to do what he or she pleases. Indian elders do have this tendency to want to control their younger gen’s lives, primarily for their own comfort. Selfish, I say. Live and let live.
Do read my latest post too……
In reply to Ash
I often realize that to most people, the Constitution is nothing but a piece of paper. Why do they live in India then?