Too many things in life require effort :(

I’m probably the laziest person I know – I admit that freely and frankly. And I hate doing anything – unless doing it gives me some direct benefit. Like playing a game pleases me, so I put a lot of effort into it. Eating also takes work, but it’s pleasurable too. I try hard to avoid work – a contradiction in terms perhaps. So here’s the list of things that really piss me off and how I get around trying to do them.

1. Combing my hair

When I was in college, I would avoid the effort of combing my hair simply by cutting it as short as possible. But my wife doesn’t like the really short style so I’m forced to have it cut to a somewhat longer length. Unfortunately this reduces the time between haircuts which is irritating since I’m forced to walk to the barber’s shop across the road once every two months and have it cut.

I do this only when the effort of combing and shampooing it twice a week exceeds the effort to get it cut.

2. Trimming my nails

It’s an absolute shame that in the 21st century I have to do something so boring as to cut my nails. Unfortunately I haven’t found a work around for this since I need short nails for fast typing.

3. Filling my water bottle

It’s depressing to see the speed with which my water bottle gets emptied. At least once a day. And my house is too large by far. It takes me at least ten seconds to walk to the sink from my laptop. Throughout those 10 seconds I’m thinking to myself “this is what my life has come to.”

4. Washing the dishes

The single most annoying part of making your food. I despise washing dishes and I’m cursed by the fact that I also abhor unwashed dishes lying in the sink. Catch 22. I hate washing so much that I avoid cooking altogether. I eat frozen food almost exclusively and even then complain about washing the spoon I use to eat. Frozen is also somewhat easier to cook – though most of the dishes require me to take it out of the microwave, stir it, and then microwave it again. Very frustrating.

Cornflakes are ideal. I don’t use milk with them since then I have to wash the bowl. If it’s dry, I can just use my hands to eat it directly from the package – so need for a spoon which needs to be washed either!

I also use my glass for just one thing- drinking Pepsi. This removes the need for me to wash it since there’s no benefit. After all, I’m just going to put more Pepsi into it later.

5. Bathing

I hate doing this every single day of my life. Not just bathing, but brushing my teeth (twice a day), going to the loo, shampooing/conditioning (on Tuesdays and Saturdays), drying myself off, shaving, putting moisturizing lotion on my face (the US gets very dry) and oiling my hair (on Tuesdays and Saturdays.)

Then I have to put my clothes on. I tell you, the tedium kills me. There should be a button where I wake, press it and bravo I’m ready to start my day.

6. Working

The unkindest cut of all. I detest working for two hours five days a week. But one needs to earn money and there’s no getting around it. I try and take some of the pressure off myself in the mornings by finishing half of the day’s work the previous evening. But then there’s the pressure of working in the evenings and now I’ve started finishing that in the afternoons, but then the pressure….aaaaah!

Life is too bloody inconvenient. Too much useless stuff to do and too much effort. I try and avoid these things as much as possible, but so often I just have to suck it up and bear it. Such is my fate.

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Comments

  1. Hey Bhagwad….

    I have a suggestion for you — Earn so much that you can hire a person to do everything for you excluding the bath(only if u want otherwise included).
    These days money can do everything……:)

    Sur

    Reply

  2. Hahaha…this was a really funny read. And I’m glad to know someone lazier than I am.

    Reply

  3. Lazy Person says:

    Reading this made me think that it was written about me. You have mirrored my exact thoughts these mundane tasks.

    Reply

  4. Hi Bhagwad, I have the exact same issues as you, I even do the Pepsi thing. I’m sure our behavior is typified somewhere out there, and I am sure there’s common background that causes us to be like this, and I hope there’s a cure too, I hate feeling like this and looking everybody else doing all these annoying activities without the slightest concern. Have you ever found some explanations or solutions to all of this?

    Reply

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