How to Kidnap Someone – What NOT to do!

This happened sixteen years ago. One of those ruminations that just catches you off guard. I realized that I’ve had some pretty atypical experiences that I should talk about. I should take advantage of the fact that I have the freedom to say anything I want and that I don’t have an “image” to keep up. But this incident isn’t sensitive in any way. It’s just something that happened.

I was cycling home from an NCC parade in the 9th standard and entered a lonely stretch of road that I always took when I suddenly noticed a man jogging behind me asking me to stop. I’m not an idiot, and didn’t actually stop, but continued cycling till the end of the road where there was far more visibility. He then caught the end of the cycle with his hand and I then stopped and got down.

I asked him what he wanted and he said my father had sent him to bring me back. This made no sense whatsoever. I may be naive, but I’m not stupid! My dad would never send a creep like this guy to talk to me. So I lied and told him my father was out of station to see his reaction. Nothing…no protest or denial. So, that was clearly out.

Then he switched his tack and gave me some other patently false reason which I forget now. When that didn’t work, he simply said that I had no choice but to come with him. I felt something pricking my arm hard and looked down to see he had a piece of glass in his hand and was holding it against me. I guess I should have been scared, but I wasn’t. It was such a tiny piece of glass that I was merely curious and a little amused.

I reached out, and simply plucked the damn thing from his fingers, looked at it for a moment and then threw it casually behind my shoulder! It was that easy to “disarm” this particular opponent :D

He looked a bit lost after that. He started to try and sweet talk me, gave me his name, generally trying to be my friend. By this time of course, I was damn certain he was up to no good. I got back onto my bike and cycled to the main road with him running alongside me. I was pretty confident he couldn’t do anything to me now. So when I reached the main road, I looked around for someone who could help. I spotted an elderly looking man, stopped him and explained my situation with my “kidnapper” still standing next to me looking rather lost. The gentleman told me to go on and that he would take care of it. I heard him warning the guy that the police station was just close by and then they were both lost behind me.

I came home pretty excited of course and related my story. My parents listened attentively and we never talked about the thing again.

I’ve thought about this a lot and figured out what the guy did wrong :D

Here’s my checklist for how to kidnap someone:

1. Don’t misjudge your victim. I was always short and looked too young for my age.  So he probably thought I was in 6th or something. You can’t get away with telling a 14 year old (no matter how tiny) that his father sent some creep to bring him home.

2. Come up with a plausible line and work on your delivery. Practice in front of a mirror if necessary! Don’t just stand there expecting your victim to walk into your trap. Take some pride in your work man!

3. If you’re going to carry a weapon, make some effort to have it look scary. Things to avoid – small chips of glass, needles, and cuddly yellow balls.

Hilarity aside, I wonder how different my life would have been had the guy succeeded in whisking me away. Would I be where I am now? Would I be dead – just another statistic? Would he be dead? It’s a bit scary to think how close one came to your entire life being turned upside down…

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66 thoughts on “How to Kidnap Someone – What NOT to do!”

  1. You didnt come home in the cycle rickshaw that day. We phoned the school and they launched a hunt – looked in all the classrooms, bathrooms library etc and informed us that you were not there ! Then i drove down to the school in person, searched the roads, called out your name and was about to file a police complaint; by then you had walked back; dull experience or not – you must have been weary ; heavy bag on your little shoulders; walking all that way back home through the rush hour traffic…

    Remember that time you went off on your little cycle for magic class and a policeman deflated your cycle tyre and through away the valve ? That was a horribly sadistic thing to do to a young ten year old child. You had to wheel the cycle all the way home – up the Poonamalee overbridge…

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  2. Something like that happened to me too. I was 14 and walking home at like 10:30 when all of a sudden a man probably in his 20ies walked up to me. He told me my sister was in trouble. I asked ‘Which sister?’ I have 5 sisters.He said ‘the oldest one.’ Oh sure! Myoldest sister doesn’t even live 100 feet near me! ‘Who?’ I asked. ‘Starts with Aa……… umm.. L?” I snorted and walked away. He grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. But I wasn’t facing him. He grabbed my breast and pinned me against a wall. ‘Please just leave me alone.’ I cried. He started to take my shirt off when I kicked him and ran into a alley. It was a dead end. A wall blocked my path. The guy followed me and started hitting me. ‘You deserve **** (I’m not sure what he said). He grabbed my hair and pushed me against the wall. He started kissing my neck and rubbing my breasts. I tried to find a way out but he was blocking the way. I just stood there and cried. He stuck his tongue in my mouth. I couldn’t think clearly so I didn’t know that I could bite his tongue and run home. He played with my tongue for a bit then laid me on the ground. He was on top of me before I could say stop. He started going up and down on me. I cried and tried flipping over. He took his pants off. I tried and tried but couldn’t leave. He stuck his penis in my mouth. Again I couldn’t think clearly. He pressed my face against his genitals and left me there. I couldn’t breathe. ‘Start sucking and then I’ll give you air’ He whispers in my ear. I shake my head. He shrugs and plays with my hair. I just couldn’t breathe! So I started sucking. He feels it and lets me have air. He smiled and got off. I gasped for air. He bites my breast and I scream out. He covers my mouth. My shirt slowly gets took off and then my bra. I wriggled trying to stop him. He bites my nipples and tears leaked out of my eyes. He did this for a while. He gave me my clothes and let me go. He grabbed my breast one last time before I went. I never told anybody….

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  3. Darn; this doesn’t help me much. I have to kidnap like eight kids at the same time. Getting them out of the Facility and into the van won’t be a problem; that place is a torturous abusive hellhole, they’d escape on their own but the kids are held thousands of miles from their homes, they have nowhere to run to, I have to be their go to guy. The problems I face are the police, the guards at the facility, gas prices, and untoward parental reactions. Not just plucking some kid up off the street; I have to find a way inside a maximum security institution, bypasss security and guards, liberate the prisoners, and drive each of them home, or a better place if their home life is even worse than the mad scientists. I hate my life.

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  4. Technically it’s a Break Out; but my being an adult, and the prisoners being children, it’s legally classified as a kidnapping, regardless of how extremely willing they’d be to follow me out of that dismal abyss. The law is corrupt.

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  5. Is it bad that I am about to kidnap my two younger sibling’s from our grandparents? They are 15 & 16… The 15 year old is going to end up running away before her 16th birthday and I am so worried about her and Bree being in the house with our terrible grandmother. I am 18 so I could potentially go to jail but I mean that does not scare me at all…. I guess I just need to be smart about this?

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  6. Aowh! kiki sis. u r brave but God was on ya syd…u r now alive and kicking…that guy must have been gay& he must have been watching porn and lookin fr somewhere to cool his dick that wretched…dick head.
    that wat happens wen they start thinking wid their dicks instead of their brains….it should b chopped& fed to the dogs:-(

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