{"id":3200,"date":"2011-04-28T23:29:10","date_gmt":"2011-04-28T17:59:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bhagwad.com\/blog\/?p=3200"},"modified":"2011-04-28T23:30:16","modified_gmt":"2011-04-28T18:00:16","slug":"blaming-the-woman-vs-blaming-the-system","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bhagwad.com\/blog\/2011\/rights-and-freedoms\/blaming-the-woman-vs-blaming-the-system.html\/","title":{"rendered":"Blaming the Woman vs Blaming the System"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recently IHM wrote about how women are treated unequally<\/a> in many situations. I feel this calls for a somewhat deeper look into two types of problems. The first is where we blame the system for unfair treatment to women. The second is where women themselves are to be blamed for their circumstances.<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"Where
Where to place the blame?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

Blaming the system<\/strong><\/p>\n

There’s no doubt that in many cases in India, the system is to be blamed for the poor plight of women. When I say “system,” I don’t just mean the governmental machinery but also the way other people behave or expect the woman to behave leaving her with no choice. For example, it’s no secret that many women face a hard time in crowded buses and trains. There’s not much that women themselves can do about it beyond a point. In such cases, I see the need to provide a separate coach\/seating arrangement for women where there is public transport (I actually have more to say on this, but this isn’t the place.)<\/p>\n

The “system” is to be blamed when a woman is continually harassed for dowry or forced to abandon an illegitimate baby. When a woman is “eve teased,” I blame the system. When she’s asked not to wear jeans by her college authorities, I blame the system.<\/p>\n

In short, I blame the system whenever a woman has no choice. And that’s the fundamental crime – taking away choice for the victim.<\/p>\n

Blaming the woman herself<\/strong><\/p>\n

On the other hand, I have difficulty letting a woman off the hook when she has the tools to stand up for herself but chooses not to use them. For example, when we have a well educated, articulate, and financially independent woman who gives in to her parent’s desire to marry her off in an arranged marriage, I feel she loses the right to blame the “system” or external forces for her predicament. Mind you, I’m not without sympathy for the emotional pressure\/blackmail she’s put under to submit. But I have an issue if after submitting, she turns around and accuses other people or the system for her problems.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, shit happens and there’s no one to “blame” for it.<\/p>\n

Now in a situation where the woman is not<\/em> financially independent, where she’s a minor, where she has nowhere to run or nowhere to go, then yes – that’s not her fault and she must be helped. Such a woman or girl has every right to blame the system for her predicament. But not when she has the resources to obtain a different outcome and chooses to submit anyway.<\/p>\n

Suppose I’m in a workplace and a woman wants to go home early so that she can take care of her husband. How am I supposed to react to this? In a workplace, every employee has to be treated equally – equal pay, equal work and all that. Do I feel sorry for the woman’s problems at home? Yes. But am I willing to take on extra work to compensate for her going home with no additional benefit to me? Not on a continuing basis. Or suppose she’s staying with her parents who want her to come home early (let’s say she stays next door.) I feel sympathy for her having sucky parents. But that sympathy stops when I’m being significantly impacted by her choice to listen to her parents and her refusal to go live her own life.<\/p>\n

Of course, I’ve always had a problem with maternity leave<\/a> instead of “general personal leave” for everyone.<\/p>\n

Happily, we see many instances of brave women giving the finger to the system – sometimes without even having the means to support themselves. We see young lovers risking their lives and well being by running away against Khap diktats. With such instances happening all around us, forgive me for not shedding tears for well off and empowered women who can’t stand up to their parents or husbands and take their life into their own hands.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When an empowered and financially independent woman allows herself to be blackmailed by her parents into getting married, I have trouble feeling sympathy for her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3201,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3200","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-rights-and-freedoms"],"yoast_head":"\nBlaming the Woman vs Blaming the System<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When an empowered and financially independent woman allows herself to be blackmailed by her parents into getting married, I have trouble feeling sympathy for her.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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