Are we afraid of ourselves?

A prominent factor in today’s life is the craving for stimulus. No sooner do we sit still for a moment, than we’re possessed by an urge to do something. To check the mail, to call a friend, watch some TV, to eat something, I mean anything. We’ll just be sitting down peacefully, when a voice says “Let me just…”. We can’t seem to do without this craving. We’re kept under the impression that it’s our choice, and that we have control, and that we take it when we want, but in reality, it’s an obsession that’s driving us, and our notion of controlling it, is a farce.

Try it, and see for how long you can sit still without doing anything. You’ll get thoughts saying you’re wasting your time, and how you JUST need to do something first.

So what does this mean? Why this craving for stimulus? One can say that it’s in an effort to avoid boredom. This is probably true, but what does boredom mean? I feel that boredom – that feeling where you feel you HAVE to do something, results from an fear of being with ourselves. As if we are so incomplete, that we need to go out to find satisfaction. A dissatisfaction with ourselves.

I remember when I used to be in charge of a departmental store, I used to have a colleague who was a very hard worker. To the extent that he even used to sleep in his store. The whole management was full of praises about him, and his store was one of the best performing in the city. On getting to know him better, I found out that his home life was completely intolerable. In reality, he used to be in the store so much because he could not find peace at home. As if he was driven away. I doubt very much if he was happy.

I believe that we are very much like this. Unable to find peace within ourselves, we go out and find stimulus in the world to get distracted from our real problem. Unfortunately, we cannot really run away. We can only obfuscate the awareness of how hollow we feel for a few moments while the stimulus lasts, and then we’re off looking for more. How many people I have seen sitting in restaurants alone, but talking on the phone all the time! They just can’t sit with themselves. We need to find a way to appreciate and love ourselves so that we are confident that we have a happy home withing ourselves to go back to. This way, our interaction with the world will be one due to love, curiosity, humor, and enjoyment instead of fear of ourselves.

Like the store manager in the example above, we may be successful, but will we ever be at peace? Each person needs to deal with this by himself or herself. No generic solution can be given. I feel I have found my way. Now you need to find yours.