I view myself as a principled person. There are a few issues I feel strongly about and I try in my own way to live in accordance with them. Some principles such as “Never tell a lie” I stick to scrupulously. In many years, I can recall only a handful of times when I’ve told a lie and in most of those cases I’ve gone back and corrected it.
Unfortunately, there are some principles which I break – sometimes regularly. Either by violating the spirit if not the substance, or because of my all too human weaknesses. Some principles I maintain only under certain circumstances. Here are three principles which I would like to live by in both spirit and in substance, but fall short of regularly.
Driving motorized vehicles
I don’t drive either a bike or a car. Apart from never liking cars in the first place, I feel they contribute way too much to pollution, take up entirely too much space on the road per person and make living in cities quite a bitch. But sadly, though I personally don’t drive, I’ve never shirked from hitching a ride. Anupa drives me around all the time and I’ve never once refused. True – many times I prefer to walk instead of taking the car a short distance, but this doesn’t really count towards absolving me of guilt.
What can I say? If I determined never to use a car or a bike again, my life will become pretty inconvenient. One way for me to get around this is to by an electric vehicle. I’ve had my eye on the Reva for a while and if I ever do buy a car, it’ll be an electric one.
Tipping Waiters in the US
I despise the kind of “mandatory” tipping system in the US. I feel waiters have no business demanding a tip even for poor service. When we arrived in the US, my wife and I stuck to this principle. We didn’t tip. Or at least we didn’t tip anywhere near the “minimum” 15% in restaurants. And we had some bad experiences. Every time we used to eat out, we used to worry about the tip right from the beginning – what would the waiter say? Would they be rude to us etc. etc. It used to spoil the entire experience and negate the purpose of eating out in the first place!
This time around however, we decided to just cave in. The flip side of not tipping was simply too much hassle. Now the only place where we don’t tip is in buffets where there’s no waiter service anyway, and they can’t do anything about it when we don’t leave anything. They don’t serve us our food so they can’t spit in it!
Eating meat in the US
Some time ago I watched a documentary about how animals are mistreated when we kill them in mass factories for meat. It affected me profoundly and I made a determination never to eat meat again. I was in the US at the time and anyone who’s lived in the US knows what that means. The veg food here is simply horrible. There’s no variety and everyone gives you a strange look when you tell them you don’t eat meat. Even the salads have meat in them, and a “Cheeseburger” isn’t vegetarian despite the name!
I manfully stuck it out without eating meat in the US for around three months till I couldn’t stand it anymore. I went sick at the sight of the veg food I was forced to eat everyday. At around this time we went back to India and then of course everything turned out ok. India is a vegetarian’s delight and I hardly even missed eating meat. Dosas, Appams, Andhra meals, Lemon rice, Chaat, Dal fry and Aloo Paratha kept me busy and happy :)
When when we returned to the US again, I couldn’t bear the thought of suffering once more for an indeterminate amount of time. So I swallowed (pun intended) my pride and ethics and decided not to skimp on the meat. It’s one of my biggest regrets that I eat meat here. All I can say is that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak :(
And those are the three biggest compromises I make in my every day life. I don’t like to make them, but I do nonetheless…
I agree with you about tipping…According to dictionary.com, a tip is “a small present of money given directly to someone for performing a service or menial task”, and therefore, by definition it cannot be mandatory…Like you, we tip according to custom to avoid unpleasantness…In Singapore, the service charge or tip is included in the bill…
In reply to Sraboney
It would be great if restaurants included the tip in the bill! That way I know upfront how much to pay.
I never gave not driving a thought, but you are so right… I used to own a bicycle until seven years ago, I wish we made it easier for people to cycle… once I saw a video of people, huge crowds bicycling to work in Netherlands. Loved that. Walking too is great of course. Rewa looks cute.
I strongly dislike tipping too. I see it as a kind of bullying – whatever we pay for should be clearly accountable.
And I became a vegetarian for similar reasons. My sister’s twenty year old son in the US cooks his own food, because he is the only vegetarian in their family. The only time she cooks for him is when she makes Indian food. I agree Indian food is a vegetarian’s delight, never gave it a thought, but maybe that is why I prefer Indian food to any other food.
In reply to Indian Homemaker
I actually think the Reva looks pretty bad :) But it’ll get me from point A to point B and that’s what matters!
About veg food, if that’s how you feel, never live in the US :) I don’t know how Europe is…
I agree about the pollution bit. While in principle I believe that we should not be adding to it, I and the mate constantly disagree about buying an A/C. I feel I cannot exist without one and that our not having an A/C won’t make a big difference anyway. He believes that if we all thought that way….. However, every time the heat annoys me, I can’t help wanting one. :)
I compromise on loads of things I don’t believe in because…. like you said, it’s more convenient. This, despite the fact that I truly believe in letting adults make their own choices. :)
In reply to Careless Chronicles
What to do? Wish I had more strength of will. Having said that, a lot is just a matter of habit. But I can imagine the heat without an A/C. Just think how those who can’t afford one will feel…
I know how you feel. In fact I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 21 and didn’t really start driving until about two years ago. But since I live in the US, it just made me see how much of car centric society we are. I would have continued to use public transportation, but it’s get to the point where it’s absolutely essential to have a car. Like you, I prefer to walk.
Also I feel like I compromise a lot of my feminist beliefs, especially when I was in a relationship. I felt I had to conform to a number of gender stereotypes just so people wouldn’t find us strange. One example would be is when I would pay for our dates. My ex and I used to take turns paying the bill, but a couple of times during a double dates, people would look to my ex to pay but were surprised to see me reach for the bill and pay.
Another example of this would be not saying anything when a friend or someone in my family even makes a sexist or even racist comment, simply because I don’t want to start a debate.
In reply to RenKiss
The part about ignoring a sexist/racist remark must really sting. Especially when the person may not even know they just made one!
In reply to RenKiss
I know that feeling. Especially with my family members, I don’t always call out their sexist/racist behavior. I feel guilty for passively condoning such behavior. I tell myself it’s not so bad as long as I don’t actively contribute to undoing what feminists/other equal rights activists fought/fight for.
I, like many Indians, address the elder women in the family with the familiar/informal second person pronoun and the elder men with the polite/formal second person pronoun. Hypocrisy in my feminism!
Even Reva car leaves a big footprint, Lead acid batteries are deadly. Consider electric cycle for journey less than ten miles one way. It augmentation of effortless human energy plus bit of help from batteries. I do most of journey by pedal assist trike and living in village & having boys in school means could not totally stop driving. I have done 100 km plus many times with little fatigue though I am bit handicapped.
In reply to Govind
Wow Govind…I’m truly impressed! I like your awesome blog as well and tweeted it. I’ll be following you closely from now on :)
Two comments. First, concerning tipping. If the service isn’t very good, my wife & I tip little or nothing. If it’s average service, the tip is between 10-15%. If the service is above average and the waiter/waitress is very attentive, we try to tip 15-20%.
It should be noted that waiters/waitresses, except maybe in the high-end establishments, often are paid LESS than minimum wage. Most of their compensation comes from tips. Consequently, as long as they do an adequate job, I want to do my part to insure they are able to eat and pay their bills. (When my wife & I first met over 27 years ago, she was a waitress — a very good one.)
Secondly, I have lived in the US all my life (53+ years) and I have been a devout vegetarian for the last 25 years. It certainly isn’t easy, but it can be done. I live in a small, rural community on the southwest Washington coast — our town bills itself as “The Oyster Capitol of the World,” so it is a real challenge here.
My comment was going to be to point out that food servers in the US don’t get paid even the piss poor minimum wages other occupations are legally bound to in the US, but I see my compadre the Rambling Taoist has already beaten me to the punch.
I dislike the tipping system as much as anyone, but wait staff persons are among the hardest working folks you’ll ever encounter generally speaking, and they have to tolerate a massive amount of abuse from both employers and customers from what I’ve observed. That doesn’t excuse bad service, but it’s something to bear in mind when considering what amount to leave.
As to veganism, I’d love to say I could do it to, and I know I should for a myriad of reasons, but the one time I really tried it was horrible. Where ever you are in the States, I’d be willing to wager the veggie cuisine available is better than what’s offered in my locale.
I applaud you’re determination to uphold your principles. Living in a rural area I would be starving under a bridge very soon without a vehicle, much as I wish I could get by without one.
I got attracted to your blog when I read about the UID that the powers that be are trying to force down our throats. Have bookmarked your blog and it feels good to see an Indian who is aware of what is going on. I agree with 98% of your views.
I don’t eat meat myself, but I think it is important for people to eat meat because everybody is accustomed to different diets. Many people need meat protein to remain healthy because it’s their nutritional type. But I am totally against the inhumane treatment that is being given to animals.
I would also add that the food and meat that we get from food stores is highly toxic. There are several documentaries done on that as well. And I don’t know if you’ve heard about Genetically Modified Foods or not, but GMOs are the ultimate bane to our society.
In reply to Kush
Thanks for the encouragement Kush :)
In reply to Kush
I don’t agree that you need to eat meat because you need the protein. I always hate the question “how do you get your protein then?” Eggs (I’m not vegan), lentils, beans, etc. It’s not protein that I worry about. It’s vitamin B12 and D. Vitamin D because I live in cold latitudes with no good sunlight for half a year.
My compromises are different and few. I end up not respecting myself for compromising on the important stuff and since one has to live with oneself….! :-D Like bribing. We just don’t and deal with the consequences. And standing in line and convincing people to do their job because they’re already paid a salary.
Differ on the tipping. Waiters make a pittance as a salary. Their money is dependent on good service and the tips are sometimes more than 50% of their take home. It is not mandatory but I do think a 15% tip for decent service is good. Indians are bad tippers – we pay for the big stuff and totally pinch pennies. And like anything else, positive reinforcement by enough people makes the difference and does ‘Insure Prompt Service’.
Was vegetarian in the US – animal rights reasons. And there’s enough to eat – Indian food, convenience foods, lovely organic veggies, Trader Joe’s and Bread and Circus, options are enormous. And cuisines with vegetarian options – Mexican, Italian, Mediterranean, you name it. It does not have to be just salad. Though they have so many cool options even in that. Take that bicycle out on the super bike paths they have and experiment – there’s a world ahead of you and I am so jealous! :-D
In reply to Sangitha
Yes, I guess bribery is on the list of compromises that every Indian is sometimes forced to make. Though when my wife and I got married in the govt. office we faced a problem even though we knew that the guy wanted a bribe…we didn’t know how! Do we give it “under the table,” fold the note, give it with a blank face…? How? So we ended up not paying a single rupee :D
The thing about tipping is that the low wages of waiters isn’t my problem and if that’s the only justification then it’s not different from begging.
And I differ about the veg choices issue. Cheap food is found only in Macdonald’s and Walmart. And the selection of veg food there is pathetic. Believe me, I tried for months!
In reply to bhagwad
so paying someone illegally to do something either they should already be doing or should NOT be doing.. you accept as a normal part of indian society… but americans are horrible because of tipping… hypocrite much? And you are full of it on the veg issue as well. There are tons of good options for vegetarians in america. Lots of vegetarians and even vegans here. Suck it up and admit you like meat; theres nothing wrong with that. otherwise.. well there goes your number one principal; guess you are a liar afterall.