I’ve just finished reading Peer Gynt by Henrik Ibsen, the Norwegian author. So many things I need to answer. Who are we? No mystical answer this time. Straight serious practical question. Gynt lived a life where he was selfish (without self love though), didn’t show concern for others, and was anything but consistent. He changed course with complete ease, rattled off proverbs to show the most contradictory things, and displays no convictions whatsoever. Modern theory might actually call him well adjusted! Who is he? What is his true nature? He wasn’t even sinful in earnest. One can understand the deliberate sinner.
Though the book was written somewhere in the 19th Century, it may have almost been written for this one.
Gynt never believed he was anyone specific. If he was asked to describe his nature, he would not be able to. He changed convictions, rationalized contradictory actions, wearing all attitudes as a coat that could be changed at will. No wonder like an Onion, he had no core. That metaphor was particularly beautiful.
Did he love himself? He was selfish, but did he love himself? If he didn’t have a ‘Self’, how could he love it? You need to know who you are to love yourself. You need to have faith in being essentially the same person under different situations even though your opinions and feelings will probably change. I have faith that I am worth something. When I was being ragged in my MBA, I took the very real risk of being beaten up, rather than allow it. When the government treated me like a kid by trying to ban a movie, I took it upon myself to file a writ petition in the High Court. I have faith that I am worth these risks.
If I think about it, my core may be something like this. I will always respond to great music, I will always be mischievous with very scant regard for rules, I will always believe that humans deserve dignity and respect, I will always try to find an easier way to do the same thing even if that means inventing something new, I will always hate being controlled by my own unconscious motives, I will never stop drawing conclusions from what I see around me, I will always love good food, and, I think I will always trust people a little more than is good for me.
If I have the ability to ‘Promise to myself’ the things like the above, then that is part of who I am. In fact, I can define myself by what I can promise. This sounds like what Nietzsche said about “Man can be defined by his ability to promise”.
Why is it so important to have a ‘Self’ whom you can rely on to be there? The reason is, that man cannot live by doubting his identity. So if we don’t have a self of our own, we must take it from somewhere else. Like Peer Gynt, his self depended on what his outside circumstances were. And since this borrowed self is always so flimsy, it’s always trying to reassure itself, by trying to get praise from others. Another way to take on another ‘Self’, is to take on entirely some philosophy, and surrender your centre to some abstract ‘force that pervades the universe’, which is peaceful, strong, loving and just. You can call this force god if you wish, or some New Age believers will call it the universal ONE, which is so convenient.
All philosophy must start with us, and end with us. The moment any philosophy removes the focus from us, it becomes ill. As Lin Yutag said, watching a philosopher with a toothache is a very satisfying sight. We are the most important things for us. This life is meant to be lived as an end in itself, not a preparation for some future bliss. And we can start right now by defining who we are, in practical terms of our feelings, motivations, commitments.
this ' us ' that you believe is so consistant, will also, in time, change. there may come a time ( even if it takes time ) when you will no longer feel passionate about certain things, simply because you will see them in a different way. even today, if you introspect deeply, your views about certain things are different from what they used to be.
like today you feel compassion from the heart, for the animals that are so brutally slaughtered for our palate. you are the same at the core today and during the days that you ate meat without a thought for the animals that provided it for you.
so it is That ,which is our core, timeless and changeless that is our Self. That, which whells up from the void, when we are driven to the brink and remain there long enough, fearlessly devoid of concepts . it is now ( not in the future ).
the fearless, when grounded in That, come to see everything as That
but concepts are necessary to get through life. from the beginning they are forced upon us first by those who care for us and later by society. we ' have to learn, 'know ' this and that,; much is made of us by our parents when we show them how much we know and that we are ' intelligent '. we grow up trying to please those who care for us ( the best we can ). we are taught to be grateful, kind, compassionate. truthful, hardworking, neat,polite etc.
then our parents and society make us feel obliged to earn a living ( if we are male ) and get married ( if female ) and along with those obligations come ' responsibilities' either thrust upon us or willingly and lovingly accepted and executed.
so concepts are like a blueprint for a house and they form the firm steel structure around which we build our lives. they give our lives direction and purpose. so they serve a purpose and are retained until they have served that purpose and till, in a balance of pain and pleasure, we perceive more pleasure than pain.
but the day comes when the balance tilts towards pain and the pan continues to remain there. it is hard to shake off the concept for it has become a habit. or it may be felt as a strong sense of duty or obligation and we continue to function through it, bearing the pain, as we once did the pleasure , not knowing how to shake it off and be free. just identifying the concept and being willing to sacrifice it for That peaceful concept free state, detaches it and in time we find the concept has gone !