When I was five or six, I directly caused the death of Floppy – our pet rabbit. A dog grabbed and made off with him to the back of our quarters, while I stood by and watched helplessly. I don’t know what got me thinking about it after all these years, but I was suddenly awash with feelings of guilt, sadness, and oddly enough, forgiveness. He was a cute fellow – like all rabbits I suppose – pure white with red eyes, long ears and soft fur.
One afternoon I wanted to show off Floppy to my friends, and so I took him out of his cage downstairs and we were playing with him. He was on the ground and I remember pinching his tail as he scurried away underneath our car. A dog nearby took notice, crawled up on him and simply ran away with him holding him by the neck. I could only cry out as one of my friends let loose a volley of stones at the dog who succeeded in whisking away the unlucky Floppy.
I was overwhelmed with grief and guilt. It was because of me and my foolishness that this had happened. I went wailing and woke my mother from her siesta. I guess I was also petrified that she would dole out punitive measures against me for taking Floppy out of his cage. There was little to be done. We went and leaned out of our back veranda and what we saw only made me feel worse. There was Floppy lying dead surrounded by the dog and a few of her puppies. That was 20 years ago.
Image Credit: Halans
I still feel bad about that day. It seemed such a normal afternoon. Floppy had no idea that his life was going to end in a few minutes. He didn’t know that the stupid kid who was taking him out of the cage was the messenger of death. Makes me realize now that one day, I will be Floppy! One day it will be me who will not realize that death is on its way with swift wings that very morning, afternoon, or night. Unnerving.
I also saw that the dog wasn’t at fault. She had starving puppies to care for – and when I saw them at their meal they were very happy, wagging their tails and all. Death to Floppy, happiness to three souls, and all part of the game.
But why do I feel guilty about it? After all, I’ve killed hundreds of mosquitoes, and crushed ants now and then. I’m sure I’ve been indirectly responsible for hundreds of more deaths through my carelessness and stupidity. Why feel so bad over Floppy? Perhaps because it was personal. And because I had to watch Floppy die – but I’ve seen insects die and don’t feel the same way. It’s all very confusing.
One thing I know. The larger the creature, the more guilty we feel over its death. I wouldn’t want to shoot an elephant, but wouldn’t feel so bad if I killed a rat. It may have to do with watching them struggle. I’m sure if I actually saw the mosquito dying, and heard it’s death cry I wouldn’t be so at peace. Lately I don’t kill anything willingly. Even spiders that climb over me or insects on my bed. I try my best to lift them on a piece of paper and throw them out. After all, their life is as important to them as mine is to me isn’t it? So why should I end their life unnecessarily?
I wonder if Floppy has forgiven me? After all no matter what I do now, I did kill him then. I only hope he realizes I’m sorry for it and doesn’t judge a little kid too harshly…
I like this. Yes all life is precious. Even sacred. That doesn’t mean I feed the cockroaches. But if I do kill one, I remember it is not a “good” thing I’m doing, only a necessary thing (and that even is an arguable point.)
Hello,
I sympathise with your feelings about Floppy’s death. However, it was the tragic accident of a child NOT an intentional act of cruelty against an animal.
I am an adult and have just lost my beautiful pet rabbit after almost 10 years. We had a sunny afternoon on my little front lawn and then I popped him and my other bunny into the hutch. In the morning he was stretched out dead having bled from the back passage.
I did not do anything wrong but am really upset with myself for not having done more right. When we were on the lawn I noticed that his little eye was bloodshot but did nothing about it. When I checked them in the hutch he was so busy eating a piece of apple that he toppled out. I popped him back in again. I feel terrible as he was getting old and frail and I did not check him more closely. I did not realise he was going to die in the night. I have been crying SO MUCH.
In reply to Helen
Thanks Helen. I know how it feels to think maybe you could have done more.
We can only feel grateful that our animal friends were with us for a short while. We won't forget them – ever.
Very moving post, Bhagwad!
Don’t know what to say.
I think more an animal resembles us (humans) greater empathy do we feel. And yes, the cry of pain/for help is certainly a factor. That’s one of the reasons, I’m aversive to eating nonveg (I’ve read your post on turning veg, and perhaps commented also :) ).
Take care.