Living in a meaningless universe…

I live in the virtual world. Every day I plug into the matrix, read books and write reviews, check my mail, and read the news. Two weeks ago, I decided to unplug.

After finishing my last book, I realized this virtual living was diverting me from the real world. I was growing distracted and distanced from reality. So I made a decision not to read further until I was properly grounded in what was around me.

At first, it wasn’t very different. My mind was still full of thoughts which indicated that I wasn’t fully present. But then after a while, I began to become more aware of the chairs, the table, and the sounds of cars outside. I began going to the lake every evening, and found peace in the sounds of dragonflies and ducks, and in the sight of the water plants, reeds, and the deep green grass. I wanted to find something meaningful to do. Something that I could pursue no matter where I was and which focused my mind on the world around me. I thought hard, but wasn’t able to come up with anything.

This went on for a few days until I saw a documentary about how the universe was going to end on the science channel. The universe being just 14 billion years old, is in its infancy. A time will come when the earth will fall into the sun which will in turn explode. Slowly the universe will become darker as fewer and fewer stars are formed and the galaxies themselves will dissolve away leaving only red dwarfs and black holes. And after a long time, they too will explode or go dead, and there will be nothing but blackness till the end of time. For trillions and trillions of years. And that will be just the beginning…

I imagined an immortal person and how they would feel when they saw everyone around them dying. And when they see the last of the black holes evaporate, how they’ll remember this universe once full of light and energy as they prepare themselves for the long black nothingness of eternity.

That night I had a dream. I dreamed that my wife was gone, leaving me alone. I went home, and my mother my dog were dead too. Our house was empty and desolate and the light which burns in my mom’s clinic was dark. The soul of the place was gone – the lives that lived there and gave it meaning were burned out. And I was alone – I suddenly realized that I was the person doomed to remain alive for eternity. And there was nothing to do, but go into my room and weep. Then I woke up.

I began to see the meaninglessness of everything. What’s the point of living every day and going through the motions? It’s a joke actually. And if I wasn’t the butt of it, I would be laughing my head off. Our search for meaning is useless. I know that the only meaning to life is what we give it. But why? I feel like a fool – deluding myself that just because I choose to call something meaningful, it magically becomes so.

I picked up Albert Camus’s “The Myth of Sisyphus” where he recognizes this feeling and gives it a name – “The Absurd.” I’m still reading it. I don’t hope to find answers really. No person can solve this problem. It’s not even a problem! It’s just…absurd.

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42 thoughts on “Living in a meaningless universe…”

  1. and that's exactly why I cling to my belief in God. May be I am just a coward but it would be extremely hard to carry on with the burden of such knowledge if I didn't believe.

    Reply

    • In reply to tearsndreams

      I agree that that makes you a coward.* And I think you (and anyone else who can manage it) are better off that way.

      I also, like Bhagwad, cannot make myself believe in something I know is false because it would be helpful to my emotional states, relationships, and other living circumstances. Since being a child, since the Catholic Sunday school I was at asked my mom not to bring me back anymore because I asked too many questions, I always wanted to know what is TRUE.

      Mitchell Heisman had it right, for all the good it did him: The truth found by an intelligent pursuit of objectivity in light of the increasingly insightful knowledge now finally available in this modern era leads inexorably to nihilism. Bhagwad sumarizes it correctly in his first sentence here:

      “Unfortunately, despair and meaninglessness seem to be the hallmark of a truly rational person.”

      The ironic thing is the pursuit of knowledge used to make me happy and excited and optimistic. But then, one acquires too much and thinks about the implications of the knowledge one has acquired.

      Now in the ultimate irony; the two things I hate most about life; from a personal, subjective, emotional standpoint (one example: living in a world dominated by delusional apes with less than stellar intelligence); are probably going to be cured by what will destroy us, and probably destroy us fairly quickly.

      I speak of the Technological Singularity, artificial intelligence which will be able to self-improve at an exponential rate, etc., etc. While Heisman reached the same conclusion, it is hardly the case that I reached it after reading his work. It has long been obvious to me for a while that all of the various methods people generally imagine the world of humanity ending: Armageddon, global warming, asteroid hitting the earth, or what have you — were all unlikely because they were ridiculous or scientifically on their face, or just simply infrequent enough not to be likely to destroy us during this brief period of time that mankind find it exists and is ascendant.

      What is likely to kill us is our ascendance.

      We are, at an exponentially increasing rate, creating technologies and ultimateily intelligencies (real or artificial, sentient or not, makes no difference: what will make a difference is capability)that will vastly outstrip our abilities. And why and how do we rule this planet? It isn’t our fragile bodies: it is our brains. We are far along the pathway to creating that which will have robust bodies (if that even matters) and amazing intelligences (which will).

      Lyle commenting at The Human Condition blog wrote:

      “It is important to avoid the human chauvinism that purports us to be the “end product” of some process. Why is this “end productness” important for life to have meaning? Human beings are just a small chunk of the unimaginably long state vector in the dynamic system we call “life.” (I mean this as literally as I can.) This dynamic system has been running for 3.8 billion years, and will probably continue to run for many billion more.”

      I agree, however it is unlikely be be anything like what we now call life. Perhaps it will be subjectively better. It isn’t as if human life is so wonderfully enjoyable in each and every case at every moment (far from it!) that there is no room for improvement.

      *I somewhat respect you, though, for admitting it.

      Reply

      • In reply to Christoph

        I agree that a technological singularity is coming. But I don’t feel it can destroy us – in case you’re referring to the machines “taking over.” That’s because machines will have all the power but no motivation to do anything. They feel neither pleasure nor pain, nor ambition, greed, lust or anything else that motivates a dictator or any powerful person.

        So they will forever remain a tool – a means to an end and will never become an end in themselves.

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      • In reply to bhagwad

        Sorry to stalk you across geoblogical (im nice with it, js gettn warmed up son) time periods, but I like the nuance of your opinion. The motivation thing is HUGE factor, a lot of brain power goes into making it a self-starting motor. FOr example, it is possible to deplete your willpower. The process strengthens it in the long run, but in the short run self denial sets you up for unbearable temptation later. Or how damage to certain lobes causes personality changes including motivation, and may not even affect speech or rationality!
        Consider that robot is Czech for ‘slave’, isn’t this humanity’s dream? Slaves that don’t get uppity? Something may go wrong, but this prospect strongly weighs against my prior antinatalism. Think about it. If you had a whole ‘nother person to deal with just half of your daily, redundant bullshit (or maybe even Jailbot from Superjail! The possibilities!), and they didn’t mind, would your soul not sing? Sadly, the military will get their hands on it first, and from there, well its a toss-up with these tossers. Maybe REALLY Jailbot!

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      • In reply to Crimini Reaper

        My dream life is one where I don’t even have to move or get out of bed. Robots do everything for me including keeping my body fit via muscle contractions etc. Also, something like the Matrix would be really sweet where I get to play god in my own personal fantasy land.

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  2. we'll find some answers if we focus on our emotions within. observing everything within, these days and trying to understand everything in terms of which neurochemical is being released in response to which thought. happy, loving, caring emotions that arise from nurturing perceptions are linked to oxytocin. these emotions are awesome and if they linger are one of the sweetest experiences . then randy feelings are related to adrenaline and testosterone. they're exhilerating but fleeting for they are not sustained feelings ( you cant feel randy all the time ). a romantic emotion is , i think dopamine – its a sustained pleasant emotion but it is again dependent upon perceptions and cannot be counted upon to last for ever. there is one other emotion which is present in the absence of conscious thinking ( like bringing to mind caring , loving or randy perceptions ) i would like to continually experience this emotion which occurs in the absence of conscious thought. its like a background note in a piece of music. every rhythm has it as its backdrop. when the melody is dynamic or captivating we dont hear the background note -. thats what adrenalin, testosterone, dopamine and oxytocin do.; they excite temporarily. all the emotions which result from them come and go .oh ! if we could contentedly just be the background note and not need to hanker after the fleeting melodies !
    realizing that the melodies and back ground note are all made of the same substance, we may slip in and out of one or the other in awareness. there is nothing to be received or rejected in the fabric of all

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  3. one might ask how to be the background note ? a state of gratitude will bring us to the state. gratitude for what, one might ask.gratitude that one is free. free from what, one asks again. free from oppression; from being controlled in any way.; either by outward forces or from inner illogical ideas that compel us to direct our lives in certain ways . even to be able to contemplate on such things as the meaning of life, is a wonderful state to be in. a constant state of thankfulness for this state of being ,which is within, without, everywhere,will bring us home. home is here. where ever we are. we are always home. to love to be at home will fix us there, for we long to be with the one we love. why keep going out into the sun, when we have found the shade ….

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    • In reply to tp

      However, we are not free of unreasoning drives, and I personally find hunger and randiness oppressive, or is that just being a 6ft tall 23yr old guy. I honestly can’t find much to thank the universe for, I mostly spit in it’s random space. There are good parts, but they add up to about, well, an earth’s worth in a universe (if you can think that small).

      We keep going to the sun, because according to both Thermodynamics and the oldest religious traditions, he is the only real god this dot of a mudball ever knew. Even after rhumanity turns in its grave (in its turn, with all its victims)Lux Dei will light the day!

      Reply

      • In reply to Indian Homemaker

        I get what you're saying. Totally. And in fact, this is probably the best solution.

        But I still don't feel it's enough. It's like having a kid and knowing that once you die, your kid's fate is terrible. You may not be around to see it, and while you live your kid is safe. But because you want your child to survive and prosper you'll not be happy.

        In the same way, I love the world around me. I love the Earth and everything outside it – the stars, the nebulae and the rest of it. For me to know that it's all going to just die a "cold death" forever without end feels unbearable.

        Reply

  4. Nice insight.
    I didn't find any meanings, either. But I found an answer. Not the best answer – just a seemingly optimal one for me. "Game the system and live happily"

    Reply

    • In reply to Raja

      The only problem with gaming the system, is you know you're gaming it! If I suddenly began to believe in God, I'll always know that I did it just to escape from a horrible alternative :)

      Reply

  5. If you suddenly start to believe in god, you'll know that it's god who had wanted you to game the system.

    anyway, all I really wanted to say was that I liked the post 'coz it's almost what I'd write IF I'd write a post about the same topic :-)

    Reply

    • In reply to tp

      Memory needs hardware and organization to exist. The second law of thermodynamics dictates that all organization will be lost in the end. Everything will just be random disorder.

      Reply

  6. if the neurons are the hard ware, which will perish and be converted into the elements at death, then memory might be considered to be the software that remains, ( in the CD ) even when the computer changes into the elements

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