I live in the virtual world. Every day I plug into the matrix, read books and write reviews, check my mail, and read the news. Two weeks ago, I decided to unplug.
After finishing my last book, I realized this virtual living was diverting me from the real world. I was growing distracted and distanced from reality. So I made a decision not to read further until I was properly grounded in what was around me.
At first, it wasn’t very different. My mind was still full of thoughts which indicated that I wasn’t fully present. But then after a while, I began to become more aware of the chairs, the table, and the sounds of cars outside. I began going to the lake every evening, and found peace in the sounds of dragonflies and ducks, and in the sight of the water plants, reeds, and the deep green grass. I wanted to find something meaningful to do. Something that I could pursue no matter where I was and which focused my mind on the world around me. I thought hard, but wasn’t able to come up with anything.
This went on for a few days until I saw a documentary about how the universe was going to end on the science channel. The universe being just 14 billion years old, is in its infancy. A time will come when the earth will fall into the sun which will in turn explode. Slowly the universe will become darker as fewer and fewer stars are formed and the galaxies themselves will dissolve away leaving only red dwarfs and black holes. And after a long time, they too will explode or go dead, and there will be nothing but blackness till the end of time. For trillions and trillions of years. And that will be just the beginning…
I imagined an immortal person and how they would feel when they saw everyone around them dying. And when they see the last of the black holes evaporate, how they’ll remember this universe once full of light and energy as they prepare themselves for the long black nothingness of eternity.
That night I had a dream. I dreamed that my wife was gone, leaving me alone. I went home, and my mother my dog were dead too. Our house was empty and desolate and the light which burns in my mom’s clinic was dark. The soul of the place was gone – the lives that lived there and gave it meaning were burned out. And I was alone – I suddenly realized that I was the person doomed to remain alive for eternity. And there was nothing to do, but go into my room and weep. Then I woke up.
I began to see the meaninglessness of everything. What’s the point of living every day and going through the motions? It’s a joke actually. And if I wasn’t the butt of it, I would be laughing my head off. Our search for meaning is useless. I know that the only meaning to life is what we give it. But why? I feel like a fool – deluding myself that just because I choose to call something meaningful, it magically becomes so.
I picked up Albert Camus’s “The Myth of Sisyphus” where he recognizes this feeling and gives it a name – “The Absurd.” I’m still reading it. I don’t hope to find answers really. No person can solve this problem. It’s not even a problem! It’s just…absurd.
the CD does not need the computer to exist – only to manifest
In reply to tp
But the CD needs to exist. And the CD is also physical hardware…
"Nothing we do makes a difference in the end…"
This may be true, in the end.
This is also true:
Everything we do makes a difference right now, to someone.
Our lives, the lives of the people around us, are real as they are lived. They matter as they happen. Yes, it may well end, and sooner than we'd like. And after a hundred years, nobody living will now or care about what I did or didn't do. But the people I love today will care today, at least, no?
Maybe that's enough.
Why is meaning so important? Why is important that mankind, its journey, its discoveries, be preserved for eternity? Why is it not enough that we live out our lives doing what we enjoy.. living as best we can.. Why is the time AFTER we are all gone important at all?
To me, life itself is wonderful. I believe I am extremely lucky to be alive, to be human. The sensations, the experiences.. the emotions associated with it are all that matter.
And by saying that the universe is "going to die a cold death", arent you assigning human emotions and desires to the universe? Maybe the universe doesnt view it as a "cold death". Maybe the universe just views it as a change in state. Or a preparation for a new begining. (Again, I am assigning human values to the universe – the universe probably doesnt care!).
The point is, your few years on Earth is all you have. After that, you are gone. And spending your years on Earth sulking about the years after you are gone, seems to me to be a waste of life. There is so much to do.. so much to feel.. and so little time!
I guess this is the typical thinker vs do-er argument. :)
Beautifully written! i cannot help saying AMEN to all that u've scribbled here…
and also to the second comment here – i too wish i could believe in an entity called god…
I too, sometimes, wonder at the 'futility' of it all… but then decide to focus on living 'right here, right now' and making the best of it… like a vacation!
In reply to pallavi
It would be great if it was just a vacation no? Unfortunately sometimes the suffering becomes so much more than the good parts…
Have kids. You won’t have time to think. Or read Camus! But will become master of other kinds of absurd. :-D
In reply to Sangitha
You know, that solution could actually work – because we’re geared up for parenting and so many people have children just to fill up their lives with something meaningful anyway :)
In reply to bhagwad
Oh come on now, Big Daddy Bhag (BhagDad-dy?), that’s now just instigating a loop. Just as….absurd. You flee from the absurd by inflicting and sustaining the absurd in ‘lesser beings’? And what will you tell them to do? Have kids because it’s ‘in the’r DNA’, they’re infected and can’t help it? Ande where will *those* kids find meaning? Oh by then we’ll have senior care robots and convivial ConvoBot AI. If we lack the (fossil) fuel to run all this cyborgery (did I just make a word?), well, just have kids! Fill up your life, and catch you on the ass end of it. Looking at it now (esp living in Africa) that sounds more descriptive than prescriptive.
Is it all just motion, without promotion?
PS, I’m not trying to depress anyone, but the internal logic must be followed. I’m not saying you should hate your dear mum, (one of the things she gifted you was a ‘happiness baseline’ given food, basic health, socialising etc( as long as you don’t psych yourself out) (that was directed more at me than you)) but to get you to think, Would life be something to get worked up about, something to ‘strongly recommend’, in a sense? Do we admire people who are enthusiastic about absurd things? Or do we just tolerate the harmless ones. How does the concept of harm apply to being brought into existence?
PPS sorry bout all this but I drifted here googling on a nihilistic kick…..Necro postage or not, these are so-called ‘enduring themes….so the brunt! You shall bear it!
In reply to Crimini reaper
Good to hear all that :P
Hi Anupa,
I liked your views. Is it possible that we can discuss more about this? If yes, please, send me your email ID.
My email ID is [email protected].
Thanks
Fenil
This were the good lines.
Our search for meaning is useless. I know that the only meaning to life is what we give it.
Thanks
Fenil