I'm an evolutionary failure!

My wife and I have always strongly preferred to not have children. Ever. And this belief is reinforced time and again in various instances. Each time we set foot in an airplane and there are babies crying uncontrollably, we look at each other in horror and praise our luck. Whenever we hear about the travails of parents trying to get their kids into nursery, school, or college, we congratulate each other on our good fortune. When we watch movies like “The Good Son” or “The Bad Seed”, we thank the stars for our fortuitous escape.

Also, we’re ****ing up the earth so badly that I’ve lost hope and I don’t want my children to curse me for bringing them into a doomed world. They’ll look at me and say “What right did you have? I never asked to be born – it’s your fault that I’m choking in this putrid air!” Thoroughly sound reasons to keep my progeny off the earth I say.

But here’s the rub. The theory of evolution says that a successful organism manages to pass on its genes. Logically this means that:

Successful => Kids

And the Contra-Positive is:

No Kids => Unsuccessful

Am I dooming my genes?

Am I dooming my genes?

So by definition, my wife and I are evolutionary failures. To make matters worse, my brother and his wife have decided not to have kids either. This makes both of them evolutionary failures too. And here’s the nub – my brother and I are the only two children of our parents. If the both of us are failures, then my parents are failures too! In essence an entire branch of the “Park” family is about to be pruned from the evolutionary tree – a dead end. A cul de sac.

This makes me wonder. My wife and I as well as my brother and his wife are not having kids because in our estimation, it’s logical to not have them. In developed countries, more and more people are reasoning out the same thing (thereby lowering the population). Ergo it seems that intelligent people are being wiped off the face of the earth! Those individuals whose logic dictates that they must not procreate are evolutionary failures whose genes are squished out of the gene pool – leaving only…well those without that particular brand of intelligence shall we say :D

My wife and I have given this some thought, and I’m fairly keen on having my genes survive in this world – I mean I think they’re pretty good after all! But how to do that without the attendant consequences? And then I hit on an idea, and my wife agrees. I’m going to go to a sperm bank! The one in Apollo hospital in Chennai seems to be just the thing. Propagation of my genes without having to take care of the resultant blighters. :D . Something like the Koel strategy I say, but with no deception involved. And to seal the deal, I might as well donate to several banks to maximize the chance of my genes getting along fine.

Now if I can just motivate myself to get off my lazy ass and implement my master plant – ha ha ha ha (Evil grin)

What do you think of sperm bank donation for people who don’t want to take care of their kids? (Two answers allowed)

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Comments

  1. I was nodding my head in agreement till I stumbled upon that point about your wanting to leave your genes. :D

    Somehow, long back, say when I was 19/20 years old, I thought it silly to feel so possessive about minor variations in sequence of nucleotides. I haven’t outgrown that feeling I guess. It is possible I might feel ‘one with my genes’ someday, but as of now, I don’t. :)

    And it is difficult to tell what makes a progeny more “mine” – ‘nurture’ or ‘nature’ (genes)? :)

    Lastly, is there margin for *ahem* gender equality in this matter, that is, your wife also getting to propagate her family genes in this arrangement? After all, what Koel uses for propagation is a fertilized *ovum*. :P

    Reply

    • In reply to Ketan

      It’s easy to break anything down to make it sound trivial. For example, pain is nothing but electrical impulses being interpreted by our brain – but try telling that to someone suffering from gout! Similarly, our body itself is nothing but a bag of chemicals. The important thing I feel is to remember that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts…

      I’ve discussed this with my wife and she doesn’t feel any need to propagate her genes – so that’s take care of I guess :)

      Reply

  2. Considering you both voluntarily do not want children and you intend to keep separate finances, i’m wondering if your relationship is just a new version of “friends with benefits” except that you both are legally married.

    Reply

  3. Have you made any progress on this? Are you still seriously consider doing this?

    Reply

  4. Ok, i will send you a email.

    Reply

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