A news story in the TOI about some women getting harassed on a train irritated me, but I can’t say I was shocked. What did shock me and piss me off was one of the comments on the article saying this:
There might be so many other females in that particular train. It is the provocative dressing sense and the profession of these particular girls are making them as soft targets
Their profession was modelling and apparently some feel this gives people a god given right to sexually harass them. I’m not going to harp on about how women have the right to wear whatever they want in a free country etc etc. Instead, I want to focus on the men involved.
The essence of the above comment is this. “Men lose control of their actions when they see pretty women wearing jeans and T-Shirts. Therefore they must not be blamed.”
What …the…F***
As a man, and more importantly as an adult, I hereby declare that I have full control of my body even when a lot of attractive women are around. Therefore, anything I do in that situation is a choice I make. If I choose to behave rudely to them, I fully deserve the consequences of my actions and I can’t plead temporary insanity.
Those who argue that men can’t be blamed for passing lewd comments and behaving in a rowdy manner when women are around would do well to think of dogs. You know how dogs behave when nearby bitches are in heat? They can’t help themselves and go temporarily crazy. That’s how these men behaved. Like dogs. And those claiming that they did nothing wrong are actually saying “Poor animals – what were they to do? How can you blame them for behaving like that?”
If that’s so, then those who behave like animals need to be treated like animals who make a nuisance of themselves. Lock them up or remove their testicles. Humans who don’t behave like humans are no different. Nothing personal here. Poor things after all. They couldn’t help themselves. It’s a cruel world (sob!)
At the very least people should gather around and throw stones at these misbehaving baboons.
kudos and applause for saying this aloud. some man had to stand up and say it
Applause! Well said!
I wish some of those men who lose control at the sight of pretty women would read this!
In reply to smitha
If they can read that is! Baboons aren’t noted for their literary habits.
Well said Bhagwad.
And the same men behave perfectly well if they fear they will have to face the consequences of their ‘getting provoked’.
Loved the post.
You are at a serious risk of being labeled a JKG.
Tweeting, sharing on the Buzz etc.
In reply to Indian Homemaker
Oh yeah, that’s another thing. Their control suddenly materializes if there’s a huge fellow or a group of men traveling with the women. Shows how harassment is as much a choice as every other action.
As for the JKG, who’s going to do the labeling? :D – pretty much everyone agrees on this issue if the comments are anything to go by!
It is not so much the youngsters who indulge in touching, groping, molesting etc as the married men. The youngsters if attracted to girls would straightaway proposition them or ask for a date and not behave in a lecherous way. But the men, if accompanied by their wives or girlfriends dare not even stare at the girls. They behave like dogs on a leash (but not straining at the leash) which goes to show that ultimately it is the womanpower which can keep a wayward person in check. Streeshakti zindabad !
three cheers .
i applaud your strength and guts to stand and talk soemthing which is anti men especially when you also belong to the same species.
In reply to anjugandhi
Quite the contrary, I think my post is “pro men” (if anything). By saying that men are not animals who lose control of themselves, I’m pointing out that they have as much dignity as any other human being.
The people who harassed the girls in this case are the ones who are “anti men.”
This is not a gender war Anju. One has to speak what one feels is the truth !
Really appreciate a guy speaking this out. Well as said by Arijit, it all depends on the guys’ outlook. For me, if i see a girl in shorts i’ll be ok with that, but for someone else it will be provocative, absolutely depends on the conditioning and the way the guy is brought up from childhood.
A guy who has studied all his life in a Boy’s School will behave in a different way than a guy who has studied in a Co-Ed School.
Hats off Bhagwad, nice read and really agree with what you have said :)
In reply to Diwakar
Thanks Diwakar. No matter how “provocative” someone finds it, they’re still in full control of their senses…
ok.. Dude .. Behaviour .. Psychology .. Behavioural psychology .. What I feel is you are partially right & partially wrong A) There is a term ‘ Dressing to the occassion .. Atm I’m into Shopping for my nephews wedding .. The thought went .. Mehndi followed by cocktail .. Me wears a party shirt with trousers . Son 13 a churidar kurta n stole.. Daughter a ghagra choli n wife a Shiny suit .. Mallu wedding .. All in off whites Kasav .. Reception .. Me suit 13 yr old complan boy formal trousers n party shirt .. Spending 10k for 6 months waste wife a saree n daughter .. Sharara Music event .. We all wear casuals Now can we change .. My daughter wearing Harem pants to Ayyapa temple n Son party shirt me in suit hell Wear a micro mini @ a disc .. Dhakai saree to kalighat & Kanjeevarams to kolkata club .. Try wearing micro mini to Kalighat temple n be sure to be bottom pinched .. Wear a leopard bustier on a delhi redline bus & be mauled with bystanders showing their Pan Parag stained 32 daant .. Dude you are named as Knowledgeable but a mumbai local ain’t The Taj Ballroom or WIFW LIFW OR A ‘gudda’ shocking show .. Ever heard guys pawing @ Rekha or Hema Malini or even Dimple Kapadia .. Why was Bips Basu clawed @ Jaipur then again at Surat .. If you stoke the imaginations of ‘ SICK MINDS’ KEEP BODY GUARDS LIKE Kevin Costner or Ronit Ray .. What I’d do if I was a buxom bebo Model .. I’d quickly wear a kaftan or carry a burqa n travel by 1.40 ki last local .. Btw I have seen pub gals provocatively dressed at midnight from Vashi to Kurla w/o any1 batting eyelids .. in 1997-99 .. Mumbai & India has changed .. Sansani Emotional atyachaar n such uncensored content makes ‘Psychologically sick Sexual perverts to Do .. Normal men never do such things .. If they’ve been there done that .. Such people who commit acts as are of this nature .. either are starved or highly libidous .. The subject to study here is Psychology & not Morality & Abstinence or Self Control … I’m compelled to make a comment here a fact .. You would think that people go to hear Sri Sri at Art of Living events .. Its a well known fact that many MEN do VISIT these discourses to OGLE at AT chiffonned pearled beauties (haven’t ever been to such places .. Don’t need to .. I’m at peace ) Now many women have applauded you and admired you for taking this up .. But probably only Dr Prakash Kothari or a Shrink is entitled to talk on this subject .. As to why men paw claw molest .. Men are by nature monogamous .. They if they can flirt .. Those who say they don’t .. Either lie hide or are incapable .. Or simply cowards .. Gita par haath rakkhkkey kehta HOON .. Sach ke siwa Kuch nahi likha nna these are My views .. I don’t oppose yours a wonderful piece of work Bhagwad .. May the tribe of men like you grow .. And ladies . I work for a bank I sing too at times go directly from job switch the dress in the hotel loo .. Its possible .. If you move around in a T-shirt with a bold slogan ..” DON’T STARE AT MY BOOBS ” Hey , C’mon .. Men won’t sit quiet would they .. Naah nevver ..so proprietory says cover up or change .. You have right to dress in even a bikini .. But .. AT THE RIGHT PLACE Thanks guys for reading my Thesis :))) blog within a blog Bon Nuit
In reply to VenuG
This is not about dressing for the occasion, it is about lack of self control and then blaming the victim for the outrageous behavior. I lived in Delhi from my teen years till my late twenties. I used to use public transportation or University buses. I used to invariably wear salwar Kameez or jeans and T-shirts. The amount of harassment I faced was unbelievable! In a crowded bus,men (ranging from teenage boys, middle aged men to yes even old toothless relics) would either pass some vulgar comment, try to run their hands up and down your body or lean their body against you. At times I could clearly feel them getting exited when the bus was too crowded. It was disgusting and humiliating and sometimes I was left in tears of outrage. My experience was not unique. I had long conversations with my girl friends and later female office colleagues about this behaviour. It use to turn into long sessions about how we had all(no exceptions) faced these situations almost everyday of our lives. The final conclusion of these discussions always was, no matter how old the female was (some stories were about girls as young as 7-8), or how she was dressed, if she was on a bus or walking around in Delhi she would be subjected to harassment (called by the obnoxious word “eve-teasing”).
To be fair, my friends from other states said that this behaviour was unheard of in Calcutta and Madras. I travelled in crowded trains in Bombay for a few days and never faced it. I had more respect for the south where I went on tours a couple of times and was treated much more decently.
I left India in the early 90s and have never ever faced harassment from men however I dressed. This is about culture and lack of boundries. There is something about the North Indian (Punjabi, UP, Haryana) culture which seems to say that it is 0.k. to behave like this.
Reading my post, I realize that I am talking about widespread behaviour almost 20 yrs ago. I have not travelled in a DTC bus since, but I hope things have changed for the better.
In reply to poonam
I really hope things have changed too – being a man I’ve obviously never had the experiences that you’ve had. But from what I know things have improved and are getting better all the time…
In reply to bhagwad
Unfortunately, it’s scary how things haven’t improved. My friend’s recent experience – http://dumroos.blogspot.com/2011/02/what-happens-when-you-turn-back-and.html
Well said, as usual.