As I watched the sun set on the 17th of June 2012, it struck me these were the last rays that would ever shine on me in my 20s. The next time I saw the sun I would be over the hump, officially into middle age. The very last day of my “youth” :D
And what a day it was! All thanks to Anupa who’s given me some memorable moments to ruminate on. We woke up early at 7:00 – we never do that. I had to finish my meditation and programming before we left at 8:00. I haven’t missed either one for almost two months now and it’s important to me that I don’t break the streak. When we left, the day was bright, the grass was green and the sky was cloudless. A perfect June day and afternoon – just like in the song by Roxette.
Probably one of the most exhausting I’ve ever had. We went canoeing for close to three hours with me sitting behind and Anupa steering the front. Learning how to coordinate and steer was quite a task. Thank god the river was nice and placid! We were exhausted by the time it was over. Then we went clothes shopping for me in a nearby mall and got a good set to wear so I’m not left hanging on formal occasions. And then the last part of the evening – the beach.
I tell you I’ve never seen one like that. It was a beach of dreams. White sand, more fine than any I’ve experienced. The sea stretching out to infinity, clean waters. You know how in Marina beach in Chennai, as the waves break it looks brown because the sand itself is brown? Over here, the color was clear. The whole vista was so unspoiled…pristine.
- The lovely beach
We sat there for close to an hour, watching the sun set over the sea. I took in everything – the waves, the cool breeze, the shifting color of the sun as it set and how it lit up the clouds. I went into a mini meditation zone and captured that scene for future reference. It’s burned into my mind. If I think about it now, I can call up every last little detail. I used it this morning as a meditation prep. I don’t know if I’ll ever see it again, but I’m grateful I got the chance to see it just once.
And then we tracked the sun as it sank under the horizon. And that was the last it would ever shine on my in my 20s. The next time I saw it, I would be middle aged. It was incredibly satisfying to know that my last day before 30 was so perfect. We made it home and stopped to pick up a lemon cream pie. On midnight I spoke to my parents for a while and opened Anupa’s present- a luscious comic book collection covering the Hush story arc of Batman!
No one does birthdays like my wife :D
I rather enjoy the idea of being 30 now. It seemed that I’d spent way too much time reaching here. Was looking forward to finally completing my third decade of existence for quite long now. And it was good. But hey – there’s gonna be plenty more of this:
Next goal – 40. I have my sights firmly set on this milestone. I will not be deterred and I know I have the good will and support of those who love me. The way will be rocky and the path twisted, but I will persevere! Barring an early death, nothing can keep me from achieving my goal! I just have to take it…one day at a time :)
I was just a bit tearful for a moment to read this. I don’t know why. Maybe the irreversibility of it overwhelmed me. I was also very happy to see you happy. :) I do want people to be happy, especially, those I consider nice people. So yes, though might’ve not explicitly told you before, I take this opportunity to tell you I consider you a nice person. :) I wish you’d have lived on a planet shared with better people, but fortunately, either because you easily make people allowances [or maybe I’m too much of a cynic] and/or Anupa’s presence in your life immunizes you against all this, you’ve not had too many reasons to complain, so that’s sort of alright. :D
I may not agree with all your perspectives (I do agree with most), but I admire you for having few ideals, for trying to determine their bases, and trying to follow them.
It was very nice to see simple things make you happy. :) Wish you all the happiness in life. I wish no overwhelmic unpleasant emotion would ever touch you.
Take care.
In reply to Ketan
I’m touched Ketan – I truly am. I’ve formed some unusually close friendships with people online whom I’ve never met in person and somehow they’re all the more special for that. Cause that happens when we bond over ideas and discussion instead of circumstances forcing us together like work or family functions etc.
You’re one of those people and I’m grateful that I’ve had the chance to discuss issues with you :) . Here’s to many more in the future!
In reply to bhagwad
Thanks, Bhagwad! :)
I think you & I do have many things in common, and I can equate particular set of thoughts & emotions to ‘mental situations’. So, in terms of ideology, philosophy, and issues related to purpose (and ironically, the ‘futility’) of living, I think we can very well relate to thoughts you and I have had, and also with how we had come to terms with all of that. :) That’s all the more the reason for us to have experienced this bond. :)
I also realized (yet, again) that other people’s unhappiness/pain are impressed upon our minds much more easily than happiness. Reading your post I was a bit concerned for you cuz I felt you feel quite lonely (I hardly find a mention of other humans you’d personally know in your blog posts) or bored with life. But, I didn’t ask you that as I thought to be inappropriate as it’d be too personal. But on thinking further, I sort of concluded that I might’ve been left with such an impression (a wrong one) cuz we tend to blog about thoughts that are inspired by and inspire a pensive mood, and not about the minor cute things that happen in life that would make us happy. :) So, just because you wouldn’t blog about happy things, does not mean you’re not happy. :D I hope my assumption is accurate. :D Also, there’s something very private about happiness. It truly cannot be shared with anyone except for some very few special persons who we trust with our emotions and find them worthy of sharing ourselves with. Whereas, sadness and pain inspire thoughts. They compels us to try to find out the root cause even if there might be no solution, and our predicaments could be shared with even total strangers. :)
In reply to Ketan
Well, you know what they say – Misery loves company! So my bitching about stuff that upsets me allows me to vent off steam. In reality, most of us are quite powerless to change things that make us unhappy. I have no control over the Indian government’s stance on free speech, the way women are treated or a host of other issues.
Blogging for me is the maximum that I can do within my power. It reaches out to a lot of people and I get the illusion that it does something to help. At the very least, it amplifies my small voice :)
Different people have differing social needs. We all have it though. Some require constant contact with others on a daily basis. Others (like me) can make do with a minimum and still remain happy. What type are you?
Happy 30th!
PS: Is 30 middle-age? 40 should be, no? Since people live till 80 and all.
In reply to The Bride
I guess I get a kick out of calling myself middle aged! Plus if we consider 60 years to be “old”, then 30 is smack down the middle :)
Belated wishes. And I would have thought 50 is middle age! ;) I consider myself middle-aged only as of now :?
In reply to shail
Let’s make it a range – 30-59 is middle aged. Or maybe it should start at 40?
In reply to bhagwad
Yeah 40-60 sounds okay :) But I never thought of myself as middle aged till I crossed 50 :P
Happy Birthday ! And welcome into the 30s. Believe me the best is yet to come !
In reply to Ruchira
Thanks, looking forward to it :)
Ha! Welcome to the Terrible 30s! Well, not so terrible. There is a lot to be said for the 30s that you can’t say for the 20s. Cheers to the next decade!
In reply to Fem
Strange isn’t it? I feel the same now as I did a week before. Hmm….
I’ve often heard that your life doesn’t really begin until you’re in your 30’s. :) Most people would be dreading their 30’s because they feel they’re already “old.” Which is ridiculous. But it’s wonderful to see people approach 30 with your attitude. :)
In reply to RenKiss
Well, I’ve been waiting to turn 30 for a long time, so there’s that!
Happy Birthday!
Belated Birthday! I just realized how Young you are :P. Thirty is time to do a lot of things and its the time things actually get Done. Wishing you the Best for the next Decade…Keep a journal of thoughts for now and then compare it with the one you write when you hit forty…it will be fun to see how much really changed or stayed constant.
In reply to Mysoul
Drat! I thought the benefit of being 30 is that no one calls you “young” anymore :) . On my birthday I was speaking to my dad and he mentioned something about my being “young” when I stopped him in his tracks and said “When you were my age you already had two children – I was already born!”
That silenced him – I’ve been waiting my entire life to do that :D (evil grin)
Happy Birthday Bhagwad! Stay young!
happy b’day.. oh touching 30’s is still a nighmare for me.. i am scared of getting old ..
wow, beach is really pristine. marina would be filled with lots of people.. u cant even see the sand there.. :)
In reply to ashreyamom
Thanks :) And yeah – the beach was totally awesome.