Every now and then I lay awake at night thinking about my old age. The problem isn’t financial. I’m making damn sure of that. Rather, what will I do if Anupa dies before me and I’m left all by myself? It’s not that I need a great deal of societal company – I can be quite happy alone. But I surely need somecontact! My parents will be dead naturally, so who do I have for company? I wonder how much one can rely on friends…
Yes, this is the price I pay for not having children. I don’t regret that choice, but I have to plan to deal with the consequences. Besides, there’s no guarantee that my hypothetical kids would stick around in my old age. Look at me – I’m not sticking around my parents am I? They would have their own lives to look after!
I have a few ideas that I hope will take care of the situation. Let me know your thoughts on them…
The first idea is going to an old age home. If all goes well, there’ll be many similar old people around all the time with the additional advantage of having qualified staff on hand to take care of me if I need extra help. So far so good. But I also keep hearing horror stories about how people are treated in such places. Once you’re in their power, it can be quite difficult to leave. And what if the standards plummet due to poor management? What recourse will I have then presuming I’ve sunk a good chunk of my money into it? A scary proposition. Nothing like your own home for security no?
The next option is to stay at home, but take up some light part time work somewhere close by. Not for the money, but just to keep in touch with the outside world. Perhaps make some acquaintances along the way. Not sure how this will work out. If I become too frail, I won’t be able to go to work anymore and who knows how long I’ll be in that condition?
I’ve often thought about an interesting alternative. I’ll likely have enough funds so how about I sponsor a family with a kid say, and invite them to stay along with me? Maybe some distant relative…don’t know how to choose yet. I can help them out financially and they can include me as part of their family life. It’ll have to be a a decent set of people though god only knows how I’d be able to determine that beforehand.
Next option is to suck it up and stay alone in my house. I’ll have to give power of attorney to a lawyer who’ll be able to make decisions for me in case I’m unable to do it myself. Come to think of it, that’s a good idea no matter what. It can be useful to trust someone who is legally bound to look after my interests after all.
Next option I’ve thought about is to start a research foundation or some other NGO establishment using my own house as a premises. People can come for their regular work every day and I’ll be sitting in the middle of a lot of activity and goings on. After all, why not put my money to some good work? It”ll be of no use to anyone when I’m dead since I have no heirs.
So what do the rest of you think? I know most of you have kids of your own so you might not be placed in a similar situation when you’re old. But not all kids come home to take care of their aged parents for some reason or the other. In that case, what plans do you have for your old age?
All interesting ideas. I’m kind of iffy about old-age homes for the reasons you mentioned, even when my parents suggest it as an option for themselves. The cross-generational tenancy thing is already happening in Europe – there’s a term for it; I recently watched a programme about an agency which matches students looking for cheaper rent with an old person looking for company in addition to a tenant. I recently read a book Past Continuous which has a section about this sort of arrangement too.
My attitude to it is generally the ostrich approach. The problem with old age is that one remains vulnerable due to physical constraints regardless of how well you plan. Well, having kids, one kind of hopes they will like one enough to stick around. But as you said, that is not to be counted on. Of course, one should plan financially. But I have come to the conclusion that I am just not capable of making enough money or at least to be sure of making enough money (and I have begun to find the general on this issue kind of tiresome too, as if it were that easy and in everyone’s control to keep up with inflation and unforeseen circumstances). So suicide is kind of my retirement plan and I will start researching a good gun and learning to use it at some point.
In reply to The Bride
Interesting. Maybe the formal rent arrangement will become more popular as time goes by before I have need of it!
Suicide is definitely an option – but not a gun. Easy to get wrong, too messy for someone to clean up, difficult to have with you in a hospital etc…
A better way as I was discussing with my mom the other day is to take a need with a thick syringe, and pull the plunger out. Sit on your bed and place a bucket below it. connect a pipe from the syringe to the bucket. Pierce a vein and just like back. You’ll bleed to death into the bucket. No fuss, no pain. You’ll just go to sleep!
In reply to bhagwad
I’d say poison would be better, and in some cases less painful or scary! At any rate, suicide is only applicable for me if I get some painful disease like cancer.
Ah well! as someone who is not married and has no intention of ever adopting or having kids .. I find myself thinking of this old age situation rather often. I once asked my parents what they would do if they ever become incapable of looking after themselves and their kids were not in the country. They said they’ll cross the bridge when they come to it! Although they are both in their seventies they haven’t given much thought to this except to ensure that they are financially secure! I guess I’ll follow the same path – of crossing the bridge when I come to it .. because you honestly don’t know what sort of situation you will be 20-25 yrs hence and what turn your life will take by then !
I like the research foundation idea as well as a young family living with you the best options ! But working part time is not a bad option – specially if you like your solitude !
In reply to Ruchira
Maybe some other options will crop up by the time we ourselves get old…
I met Mother Teresa in 1984 (or was it 1985?) (my wife and I went to receive her on behalf of the administration, in Jorhat) when she was quite old. She was smiling, fit. And blessed us.
One of my yoga teachers was 85 years old. Fit like a fiddle. Teaching large classes. Always contributing. So stay fit.
The old have MUCH to contribute. When they do so they forget themselves. There is no reason to bother about yourself when you are old. Keep involved. Help others. Others will look after your needs (which are always minimal, anyway).
In reply to Sanjeev Sabhlok
Let’s hope you’re right. As long as one doesn’t get some dreadful condition like Alzheimer’s or something. The ideal would of course be if we were fit and active till the day we die!
I tend to agree with Sanjeev. Just because we get old doesn’t mean we have to hanker around for company or feel useless. I have plenty of hobbies and friends, and with time, I only hope they grow. The old age home thing has also occurred to me, but perhaps by the time I get old, things would be much better? LOL! I am sure it will be all right. :)
In reply to Fem
Friends are a useful thing to have in one’s old age. The problems occur not because we get old per se but because our partners die, and since we don’t work anymore we don’t get to have as much social contact as we would otherwise. So there’s a far greater chance of ending up alone – like indeed we see so many old people being that way.
Brrr..!
Bhagwad
I stumbled upon your blog after reading all your comments on IHM’s blogs.
I will be 32 next week and have been married for 8 years. There is a tremendous pressure on me to have a child. Not only do the in laws but the pressure but now the peers do to. There are various reasons why I cannot have a child but one of the main reasons is that I don’t feel the urge to have a child raise them and then be alone again after they have moved on.
I know it sounds like I am selfish but I have done a lot for my family and friends and have been working non stop for several years. And I do not feel that I want to spend the next 20 years looking after a baby as well. Maybe I am not maternal or maybe I am selfish. Even friends who did not want to have kids earlier are now having children and are telling me how amazing it would be and the kid would be my bhudape ka sahara. Mind you they themselves are not living with their parents. So expecting to give birth to a child to look after you in old age is just deluded and selfish.
I do think of my future but as a lot of commentators commented above if I am fit I don’t need someone to look after me. I have been however contemplating on the fact that if something does happen to me and I am not longer in control of my faculties I should be put to sleep rather than being confined to a hospital or an old age home. Don’t know if it is possible but that is something playing on my mind.
On another note love your blog and love the way you write. Hope to be a regular visitor.
In reply to Bhavna
Thanks Bhavna :) I agree – having children merely to ensure you have security in your old age is a pretty poor bet. These days it’s just not going to happen. We need alternative strategies.
Unfortunately euthanasia isn’t likely to become an option any time soon. I think it’s best to nominate someone to look after our interests (like a lawyer who will be paid for his or her efforts) if that happens…not ideal though :(
I have opted as of now in favor of a good old age home, not because my children wouldn’t take care of me, but I feel I would prefer to be with people of my own age, with occasional visits to and from the children, their spouses and grandchildren if any. But of course the old age home idea is not all that perfect. Being put to sleep is the more ideal one I’d like. I have talked about this to some.
One of my relatives, a very active lady was suddenly afflicted with Parkinsons. She has been totally bedridden, losing muscle control and needing help for everything. She just passed away last week, she was 69. We cannot predict we will be as active in later years however much we try to be healthy and follow a strict regimen. So I hang my hope on being put to sleep.
In reply to shail
I wish it were that easy. Maybe in the next 20 years or so…
I liked the idea of setting up a research foundation or the NGO
but I’m dead against suicide and euthenesia
In reply to Bhavia
I was thinking – how about a small school with just a few students and a couple of teachers…
In reply to bhagwad
You don’t want kids who kinda grow up and become adults but will deal with a whole school of them? More power to you. These days the two brats we love see our cranky side when a nap is disturbed….can’t imagine living around a school!
Old age homes are coming up pretty well – there’s one around Coimbatore that is like a huge layout, meals from a central kitchen but you live in your own unit. Guests get 3 star acco, there’s yoga, meditation and concerts…sounds pretty cool!
In reply to Sangitha
Yeah, it does! Maybe this kind of stuff will improve by the time I get old and need a place like that. Fingers crossed :)
If your house has more number of rooms, you may let it out to different set of people, say one for working bachelors, one for a small family and one for another old couple.
The old couple will be there with you all day. The small family with a kid or two, you can play with those kids. The working bachelors might help you in need and shopping too. HOW IS IT :-)
Sounds pretty good actually – I’ll be running a sort of PG establishment :)
Interesting topic and discussions. Dont trust a lawyer – he’ll wind up embezzling your money.Even a reputed Company like Centbank, this year didnt bother to check our Settlement Dividends and paid us over 1,50,000 less. Tata Global and Tata Motor dividends ( which are the major chunk of the income) were just missing. Lucky i checked and they now say that they are ” looking into it “.Sixty this year. No guarantee that health and faculties will stay in peak condition in spite of careful diet and exercise regime; no guarantee that friends today will be around 10 years later; no guarantee that i will be able to work as i do now; no guarantee of anything ! So just take one day at a time. Like we used to tell you kids when you were little ” One day at a time and that done well, is a very good rule, that many will tell ” Cheers – by the way i’m off booze on a regular basis ! Its a good feeling
In reply to tp
They way old people will deal with their lives today will serve as case studies for me :)