On a warm sultry afternoon in Delhi, the journalist “Vinay Rai” who has been responsible for initiating criminal action against Google and Facebook for displaying “objectionable content” suddenly noticed a little arrow pointing to the left at the top of his browser. He later told the media that he never really looked in that area of the browser before. “It was a kind of blurry patch at the back of my mind”, he said. When he finally decided to click it, what happened changed his life.
“It was a miracle”, he said visibly struggling to control his tears. “I just went back to the previous page – It was as if whatever I had been viewing simply… vanished! I never have to look at anything I dislike ever again.”
An emotional Vinay Rai later revealed to the media that for the past several years he had been forced to read whatever turned up on his browser screen simply because he didn’t know there was a back button. “It was horrible. You can’t imagine the pressure – the fear…I feel as if I’ve been liberated from a nightmare”, he said. “I never knew that you could simply… ignore the content on the page by pressing the back button. It’s like going back in time”, he said as a wide grin split his features. “I never have to live in perpetual fear of what’s going to show up in my browser!”
Asked about whether or not he would drop his case against Google and Facebook for objectionable, blasphemous content now that he knew he could merely navigate away, he said that naturally there was no need for concern anymore. “Of course I’ll drop my case. All this time I was angry because there was simply no way for me to know that I could shut out whatever I didn’t like. With this new ‘back button’ thing, I can finally take control of my life.”
But Vinay Rai isn’t done yet. His is a naturally generous and giving nature. He said he had several suggestions to browser makers. “The first thing to do is to make the ‘Back’ button more prominent”, he said. “I demand that browsers dedicate fully half the screen to a massive button displaying ‘Go back!’ in flashing red lights. It’s the only way to make sure that users get the concept of moving away from what they can’t bear to see.”
He also said he was starting an organization called the “Foundation for Awareness of the Back Button” (FABB) to educate those who might be in a plight similar to that of his own at the time. “I just know that there are millions out there like me – those who never understood the magic of what a ‘Back’ button can do. I want to spread the awareness.”
Asked about who he would educate, Vinay Rai said he had a long list to people, prominent among them being Kapil Sibal, the Darul Uloom Deoband, and a whole bunch of hardcore Hindutva types who objected to M F Hussain’s paintings. “I’m confident that these people have no idea that such an easy solution is available to them. I have to share in this fantastic discovery”, he said while hardly being able to sit still for excitement.
We’ve reached out to Google and Facebook for comment, but they seem to respond only in a state of stunned silence, mumbling something about “…only in India…”
A nice piece of satire, Bhagwad. Look forward to the next instalment.
Wonderfully written as usual! I really hope more people discover the joy of the ‘Back’ button :(
And what if we find narrow mindedness blasphemous?
I will follow Vinay Rai’s example and click the back button. If that still leaves my sensibilities outraged then I might express my disagreement in drawings and sketches, on my blog, in music or in paintings or even a book.
In reply to indianhomemaker
You know, regular people like us get no credit for the forbearance we show every day when we listen to the bigoted and stupid opinions and notions of people around us.
In reply to bhagwad
Now THAT is something. We get no recognition for the outstanding trait of ours.
In reply to Shail
Sigh – sometimes I feel that we should become fanatics too and only then will our rights be taken seriously. Self defeating I know :(
LOL! I am feeling very generous today so I wish him a Back button that will take him back into the cave man era. After all the Man deserves to be Happy.
Kapil Sibal…..Words fail me. I attended the Jaipur literature festival this weekend and had the misfortune to be standing outside the enclosure where Kapil Sibal was reading out some of his poetry. I only caught snatches of the poetry and i completely tuned out when i heard (unless my ears deceived me) him rhyme ‘burn’ & ‘urn/earn’. Appalling. Then it was time for question and answers. Someone got up and made a comment on the condition of the education system in Rajasthan. Know what he said? “That you have to ask the govt of Rajasthan”. I mean, who says that? Even a half witted Member of Parliament should know better than that. That man had the decency to sit quietly and listen to you rhyme burn and urn/earn. Have the decency to pretend to give him some sort of a response. I guess he’s too busy for such issues while he’s rhyming and infringing on peoples rights.
In reply to KMKH
Kapil Sibal reading poetry…I can only imagine that he’d never take risks, never explore the unexplored and make sure to please everyone’s sensibilities. What a pathetic bore!
I am reminded about a member in a certain yahoo group email list.
He kept complaining about other people’s posts.
Till one person, wrote to him in a style similar to that used by you in this blog post.
He extolled the virtues of the “Delete” button and explained how to use it!
The highlight of the reply was the statistics quoted.
The number of key presses to delete the offending email had been compared with the number of key strokes to type the complaints.
There were no further complaints from this fellow.
Regards
GV
In reply to G Vishwanath
Perhaps ignoring stuff is a skill which needs to be learned and doesn’t come instinctively as part of the toolkit of an adult?
Nice satire.. like you said we ignore so many comments to lead a normal life but when it comes to topics on Indian culture and religion, most people become possessive and argue theirs is the best:).
When you beleive that yours is the best what is the need to defend and argue to others who are different?
Lol, lovely satire.
Great Satire!
Might I add another suggestion, that these browsers show now have drop down filters for different type of hardliners and sycophants.
:-D
In reply to Aditya
Hey that would be nice no? Browse the web at your own level :D
Another effect of malnutrition and a vegetarian diet. Vinay’s brain has probably been shrinking due to deficiencies in his diet and has lost the ability to think rationally. Maybe he needs to find a girlfriend instead of spending all his time on the internet. Who in their right mind would sue Google for search results.
In reply to require
This is good idea actually. Instead of whole world peesed off in Vinay’s brain-drain only one person should bear him.