It’s been three years since I had a good haircut. And I finally got one close to my house in Chennai. What went wrong before you ask? Well…I was in the US that’s what!
Now don’t get me wrong, I know that Americans are perfectly capable of getting decent haircuts in their own country. Most of them have long lasting relationships with their barbers – or hairdressers as they’re called. And I know for a fact if you want a specific type of haircut or know exactly what you want, you can get it. It’s just that for an Indian, having a haircut is an exercise in frustration. That’s because over here, you don’t have to give the barber every single detail of what you want.
Even if you’ve never gone to a certain place before, you can just sit down and choose from three styles:
- Short
- Medium
- Long
That’s it. No more questions. You get your hair cut, you pay (no tip), and you leave. Hasta la vista baby.
Now here’s how my conversations with barbers went in the US:
Me: Hi, I want a haircut
Sylist: Sure, sit down. Now tell me how you want it
Me: I want it short
Stylist: You want me to use scissors or the machine?
Me:….??? I…I have no idea. Machine is easier I suppose right?
Stylist: Ok we’ll use the machine then. What grade do you want?
Me:…??? Grade? As in?
Stylist: The grade. How long or short do you want it?
Me: I want it short
Stylist: What grade?
Me: No clue. Well, last time I got a haircut I think she used 4 or something
Stylist: Oh, that doesn’t mean anything. There are many standards and my grade may be different from what was used last time.
Me: I see. Well..
(I demonstrate with my fingers the length of hair I want)
Stylist: Let’s get started.
(Pauses every now and then to ask me more questions to which I respond with a blank stare)
Stylist: Ok done.
Me: Cool.
(I go home and Anupa opens the door)
Anupa: What the *^$& happened to your hair?
Me: I have no idea. They asked me some questions for which I didn’t know the answers and this is the result.
This happened to me every…single…time. That’s because I don’t know what I want – I just want my hair cut! I’m not a barber and I can’t be expected to know whether they should use a scissors or the machine or the grade or whatever. Now most people in the US obviously have a set routine and know what they want. Probably even go to the same place each time. And that’s the problem.
In general, this is indicative of the different way of doing things in the US vis a vis India. In the US, there is choice. A CRAPLOAD of choice. Sometimes so much choice that you don’t know what you want. Getting a coffee is much of the same thing. I don’t know how much cream (milk), how sweet, what beans, what temperature, what type of milk etc. I just want a coffee. Like you go to a roadside shack in Chennai and ask for a cup of tea. No questions, no choice. Just tea.
I like that. I don’t want to bother my head with thinking about stuff. Now I understand that this can be terribly inconvenient if you want your tea or coffee made in some other way. Luckily I have no such preference. I just want what everyone else is having!
I remember your NCC haircut :D
In reply to sarat
Yeah, those were real easy to get!
I don’t know about the haircut bit, but the coffee/tea concept in India is something I greatly missed during my stint in the UK! I love the pan-brewed homemade coffee/tea that we do in India.
There coffee becomes espresso and the one with milk is cappucino! Tea is black, milky, lemony, minty, earl grey and I don’t know what else!
In reply to Ashwathy
We need more “defaults”! Something which tastes/looks decent and others can specify something else if they don’t like it and want something else.
Bhagwad,
Have you considered that the reason your haircut is consistently an “abomination”, is because you never tip your hair stylist? I know a few hair stylists personally, and they flag in their system good tippers and non-tippers.
Here’s a helpful list for you:
1. Tip your stylist.
2. Look at a picture of a hairstyle you want and show it to the stylist. Obviously, having your hair cut is a process that is far too complicated for a simpleton like yourself, so showing the stylist a picture will clear things up for you.
3. Tip your waiter afterwards. I recommend 40%. It sounds a little high, but for having to deal with a person that sucks as bad as you do, it’s a bargain.
4. Quit sharing these mundane, drab ideas of yours. They are not insightful. They are not funny. They are a waste of the very small space of the Internet that they occupy. They are not even worth the cost of the plastic used to create the keys on which they were typed. (If they were typed on a touch screen, then you’re worse than I thought.)
5. Next time you have an “idea” for your blog, just keep it to yourself. It’s probably already been written about by someone else. It’s probably also been done better than you could ever hope to accomplish it. Don’t bother, it’s not worth the wasted effort.
6. If all this is just too complicated, then you could always just move back to whatever “simple world” hole you crawled out of. Most people like options. Most people don’t have a big confusing ordeal at the hair stylist and certainly not at the coffee shop. It’s not that hard. Quit being a little bitch about everything.
Go back to simple India. Trust me. No Americans want you here. We just have enough respect to not say it to your face. Try doing the same.
Move. You are not a tree.
Listen, guy. Just because every Indian man has one of three specified haircuts doesn’t mean everyone else in the world takes such an apathetic view on individuality or style. Maybe you should take a step back and stop criticizing everything because you are “in the US” and realize that everywhere in the world has its own culture. America is not India and vis versa. After reading quite a few of your posts in this blog I have come to this conclusion: you are a narrow minded idiot with a closed off view of the world and your opinions are just as stupid. If you don’t like it just stay India.
Saw your photo on Google plus. Short, medium, long. Makes no difference for you. Go home.
You were in the US for three years and couldn’t figure out how to instruct your barber to cut your hair? That’s a SHAME! I am an Indian too, and trust me, it doesn’t take more than two attempts to “understand” what they are talking about. I traveled a LOT and never really went to the same place on more than a couple of occasions. So quit making lame excuses and go back to India if you want to whine about every small thing.
True, the US has a lot of choices. But that’s what makes the country all the more interesting. Quit whining about the trivial stuff and appreciate the country for the opportunities it offers!
After reading some of your blogs in which you bitch about the US (including your ignorance regarding tipping), I have come to the conclusion that this blog HAS to be a joke blog, destined to retrieve a rise out of people. There is no way that any one human can be as shitty as you. No way!
And if they really are true, I think it’s best that you move back to India. You have lived here five years, yet all you seem to do is bitch incessantly about the way we do things. If I were to go to another country, I would try my hardest to assimilate and abide by their standards. You, on the other hand, clearly do not care to learn our customs. So just go back. People like you perpetuate a negative stereotype about your race and that’s sad. You should support the advancement of your people instead of whining.
In short – you sir, should fuck right off.
In reply to Whitney
If you think I only criticize the US, you have it so wrong. Here are some of my posts praising the way the US implements free speech:
http://www.bhagwad.com/blog/2012/rights-and-freedoms/why-cant-india-be-as-free-as-the-us.html/
http://www.bhagwad.com/blog/2012/rights-and-freedoms/why-does-only-the-us-get-free-speech.html/
Ultimately I tell it like it is. I’ve been accused of blindly loving the US by people reading these articles. On the other hand people like you accuse me of only cursing the US by reading posts like this one and my posts on tipping.
Balance. Neither perfect, nor completely flawed. You should try it instead of viewing things only in black and white.