What started out as a funny gif bloomed into a discussion on the appropriate reaction to molestation in public. It featured a guy walking up to a girl and attempting to kiss her and getting royally smacked. When I posted this on Google+, one of the responses was that the girl shouldn’t have slapped him. Here’s the 10 second video:
Many people on the original post as well as discussion forums online have said that the girl overreacted and that a physical response was not justified. According to them he didn’t touch her, she wasn’t in danger and could have simply walked away. Those who’ve read my blog may know that I’m a great proponent of ignoring non physical abuse. But I feel a slap in this case was perfectly justified. Here’s why.
In the first place, there’s a very clear definition of “personal space”. This concept is difficult to define, but it exists even though it varies from situation to situation. If you’re all alone in a huge room and a person comes and hovers an inch away from you, that is an intrusion into your personal space. In a crowded bus on the other hand, your personal space is severely restricted and you can’t complain even if someone is pressed up against you, though there are limits and it’s not a license to grope and feel. You have to pretend that others around you don’t exist.
So even though it’s tough to draw up guidelines, personal space is something we all understand and accept in our everyday lives. Otherwise stalking would not be an offence. It’s closely tied to the idea of being threatened. If someone is intruding on your personal space for no reason, it’s a threat and the body’s fight or flight response takes over.
In the video, this guy clearly invades her personal space without getting her permission to do so. You can see her wariness as he approaches and can almost see the wheels turning in her head as she begins to determine whether or not this guy is a danger. And then when he crosses the line and is only inches from her face, her instincts kick in. It was “fight” instead of “flight”. Good for her!
If someone is intruding on your personal space for no reason, it’s a threat and the body’s fight or flight response takes over.
Anyone saying “Well, he didn’t actually touch her so she overreacted” is being obtuse. There are plenty of situations when taking preventive action is reasonable when there’s an impending hazard. You don’t wait for a knife to plunge into your body before you fight back!
The second type of objection is that the girl should have simply said no and walked away. This is once again absurd. Why should the girl be expected give up her personal space which she is occupying? Why is the onus on her to move away? I know that if someone was moving to occupy my private space without reason I would react violently too. No one can demand that I just give up and run away. Why should I?
Still others claim that if the genders were reversed, then this would not be acceptable. There is some truth to this, but it has to do with the concepts of threat mentioned above. A girl is justified in viewing a guy attempting to kiss her without her permission as a threat. She’s naturally weaker and no one can deny that crimes against women happen with overwhelming frequency compared to the other way around. A guy being approached by a girl is much less likely to view her as a threat. But if he did, then his response would be justified as well.
It’s not a gender issue.
Finally we must keep in mind that in the heat of the moment no one can ask a person to weigh in golden scales all the various aspects of the situation. Was the velocity of his lips too fast, did he pause for 1 second or 1.3 seconds, what was the humidity, was she sure that the angular momentum of her shoulders as they were turning around would be sufficient to avoid his lips…? All this is hand waving. Situations like this unfold in seconds as is obvious in the video. It was the guy who approached her in a pre meditated manner and the onus was on him to present as little a threat as possible.
Putting the burden on the girl to respond appropriately in a complex situation is nonsense when it’s the guy who has to make sure that his actions are not viewed as a threat. In this example he takes no precautions whatsoever, blatantly walks up to her and pushes his lips into her face. He deserved what he got. My only wish is that more Indian women would react instinctively like this without hesitation in public.
Well said. :-) I agree.
“There are plenty of situations when taking preventive action is reasonable when there’s an impending hazard. You don’t wait for a knife to plunge into your body before you fight back!”
– That reminds me, and I am going on a tangent- I wonder how many of those who said she over-reacted supported the Pre-emptive strike against Iraq.
And that argument that if the genders were reversed the guy would go to Jail, is shear BS. If that were true, I’d like a percentage count of how many Guys who beat their wives really go to jail. Also, how many instances are there when Girls went provoking a Guy like the Guy in this video? The Cultural situation in most places are not conducive for a girl to behave in that manner so the argument doesn’t hold water.
“Putting the burden on the girl to respond appropriately in a complex situation is nonsense when it’s the guy who has to make sure that his actions are not viewed as a threat”
– Society has always used Girl to be the place where burden lies.(Not saying its right or that I like it but just the way things are) If she gets raped/molested/groped its always her fault and now according to some who commented on that board – If she slaps the person for invading her space, its her fault too. (Sarcasm intended) She should have just kissed the guy back after all the lips don’t erode after a kiss, Right?
In reply to Mysoul
The difference between the genders in this case is that a girl can reasonably feel threatened if a guy does that to her whereas a guy might not feel threatened. As you said, it’s a cultural thing and one that there’s no getting around really.
In reply to Mysoul
If she kissed him back voluntarily, that would be her fault too. That would be an even bigger crime on her part than being forcibly kissed.