The upcoming “The Dark Knight Rises” has many movie lovers in hysterics. They can’t seem to stop oohing and aahing over the trailer and singing the praises of the most recent Batman franchise. Amidst all this ruckus, I have to bring some sanity back here.
I’m a rabid Batman fan. Have been for most of my life. I’ve done my duty and run through an obscene number of DC comics and have read all the famous (and not so famous) story arcs in the Bat universe. So you can say that I “get” Batman. I know what he’s all about. Sure, it’s unrealistic in so many ways but it’s an awesome fantasy. A normal human being able to achieve the things he does. It just gives you a high.
But Batman movies? Not so much. I always found that they pretty much suck big time. I respect the character of Batman too much to see him mutilated. Which is why I hate the recent Batman series by Christopher Nolan. What surprises me is that everyone raves about them as if they’re the awesomest movies ever made. Sure, they’re probably better in comparison to the Joel Schumacher version, but that doesn’t make them good. In fact, I find them awful. And here’s why:
Batman’s Appearance – The “Helmet”
I hate Batman’s appearance in Christopher Nolan’s universe. There are so many things wrong with him that I don’t know where to start. He’s not menacing enough. He just looks like a funny guy in a suit. The suit itself is a horrible wreck, looking like a clumsy piece of armor rather than something flexible that can be moved easily in. And before the fans start shouting “It has to be realistic!”, let me assure you that Batman as a concept isn’t very realistic at all. But more on the “realism” aspect later.
He’s not scary. At all. Just look at his “mask”:
That’s a helmet! He doesn’t look in the least bit scary. His mouth and lips are “squeezed” into a gap, making it bunched up. No wonder Bale talks with his lips parted so often! Next up – the eyes. Why, oh WHY can’t Batman movies make the eyes white like they are the comics? Dammit, this guy actually has makeup on his face around his eyes. MAKEUP! It makes me want to cry when I see what Nolan has done to my favorite comic book hero.
For reference, here is how Batman’s cowl should look like:
See the difference? Now that is scary. THAT is a sight I wouldn’t want to see at night swooping down at me. The guy in the first picture? Some loony clown on drugs wearing a costume. Pchaah!
Crappy Armor – Horrible Cape
I don’t even know where to start. I mean look at that suit. It’s a bunch of disjointed pieces fitted together haphazardly. It’s not uniform or elegant. It just looks shoddy. There we go again with that whole “realistic” mantra that Nolan loves to try and inject into this character. Please Nolan huh? Go make movies of Superman or something and leave this guy alone – please.
Batman’s cape has always been part of his effect. And yet it does nothing for him in the movie. It doesn’t even merge in color with the main suit! It’s a deeper shade of black that ruins the “solid” effect of night that is Batman. It breaks the illusion that this is one gigantic bat – almost supernatural. Instead, it tells us that this is just a costume worn by a guy for unknown reasons – since it’s clearly not scary. Here’s a nice shot of the real Batman style:
Let up with the voice huh?
We all know that Bruce Wayne disguises his voice as Batman to make it scary as well as to keep his identity secret. Works great in the Batman animated series, so why can’t Nolan give us a real crackling voice huh? In various media, Batman’s voice has been compared to “stepping on broken bottles”. In some comics, Batman literally uses his voice as a weapon to scare criminals into submission whenever he can.
And once again, Nolan turns Batman’s voice into a joke. You can barely understand squat of what he’s saying. It’s obvious that his voice is fake and put on. And coming from that squished out mouth of his, it just makes you want to puke. Someone needs to tell Nolan’s Batman to shut the fuck up.
The Batmobile
Ok – I get it. You were trying to compensate for the “blue lighted” batmobile in the Joel Schumacher movies. But come on! That’s not a batmobile – that’s a tank! Where’s the “bat” in it? It’s not stylish, it’s not elegant. It doesn’t make a statement. And remember that Batman is all about style. That’s why we really like him so much. More about that in the “realism” section.
Gotham
Gotham city is an integral part of Batman. It provides the setting, the atmosphere and sets the mood of the comics. It’s even called Gotham city for a reason. Because it’s gothic. Nolan’s Gotham is a ghastly departure from what Gotham should be. Where are the soaring cathedrals? Where are the gargoyles? Where is all the goth? He’s just gone and turned Batman’s city into Chicago! What the hell was he thinking?
Here’s is Nolan’s Gotham – aka Chicago:
And this is the “real” Gotham:
Poor Fighting Style and Posture
Everyone knows that Batman is one of the greatest martial artists of the DC universe. He’s the master of hundreds of fighting styles. He’s agile, knows his reach with mathematical precision and conserves the minimum amount of energy and movement while fighting.
And yet, Nolan’s Batman fights like a thug. There’s the scene in a pub which I cringed while watching. He’s like a boxer, even taking up a stance to fit. He looks ridiculous:
Notice by the way, how his cape is of a darker color than the suit. It doesn’t mesh. It breaks the continuity and looks just like just another piece of cloth. Not a part of him. It just looks funny. Here’s how it should look:
Notice how the cape drapes, how it “merges” into the cowl. Also see how Batman covers up his eyes. It makes him look scary instead of just a guy in a suit. Remember how cool Ironman’s mask looks when his eyes light up? Why the hell can’t we have the same thing for the bat?
Fake “Realism” in Nolan’s Movies
I’ve saved the worst for last. Nolan and many of his fans excuse all the above mistakes by saying that this is a “realistic” take on Batman and Gotham. I call bullshit on that claim. Because even as depicted, Batman is horribly unrealistic. You want realistic, get rid of the cape. It hinders you, can get caught on stuff, and you can trip over it. The marginal utility of being able to slow your descent and hide some stuff in it is heavily outweighed by the disadvantages. Even Nightwing has remarked that a cape cramps one’s style too much.
But yet we keep it. We have to keep it. Why? Because it’s about image. Because it makes Batman what he is. It’s about style. It’s about maintaining the atmosphere. Even Nolan can’t get rid of the cape without destroying Batman. Moral of the story – this is a comic book. Style and atmosphere trump realism. And I’m just scraping the surface here. Superman is in Batman’s universe as well! Talk about aliens and unrealistic in the same breath?
Spare me the junk realism please. Give me something that for once stays true to the comics. Two great movies I’ve seen that replicate the mood and the style of their respective comics perfectly are “Watchmen” and “Sin City”.
Can we please have a Batman version of “Sin City” for those of us who appreciate what Batman is really about? We’ll gladly leave the Christopher Nolan’s fans at the altar alone.
You should check out the abandoned Batman project called “Batman-1940” with a Gregory Peck look alike and in black and white.
yeah u true batmans fighting skills are amatuer
cannot it be like the cartoons
So I’m a little late to the party. My published work is (mostly) traditional fantasy, but had my publisher garnered a spot for me in even one volume of the long list of written Batman compilations, I would have been all over it. Alas.
I laughed out loud, in complete agreement with everything you said. And with the handful of comments about Nolan’s Joker being more than a little bit two-dimensional. The most frightening thing about Joker, for me, has always been that single thread of sanity. If you have a pure psychopath, then everything becomes predictable because he’s capable of anything. If, however, you add the option of (however implausible) sane thought or even fractured reasoning, then, you have true horror on your hands. Think of how unsettling some legendary serial killers have been due (in part) to how rational they seemed at times. Take that sense of discomfort and add pure comic book magic, and voila.
The Joker, as I see him, reminds me a bit of Fuller’s Hannibal Lector, but with a giant dose of theatrics. Just listen to Mark Hamil’s eulogy for Batman. Hannibal EATS people, serves them to each other, and on occasion has them consume themselves. But in the novels, Clarice winds up with him. Until Fuller’s series, most folks had trouble seeing how that would be possible. Yet, we have a relationship between Harley Quinn and the beloved Mr. J.
Just saying.
So much more could have been done with that. Heath Ledger gave a great performance but in my eyes, that’s not Joker. And the last movie? Bane? Really?! I dread Superman vs Batman. I will never be able to see Affleck and NOT notice his scrotum chin. Or scrochin, for short. Or chinticles…. I could keep going.
This is bullshit. Nothing here says why these magnificent movies should be treated as crap. If you are a human you would understand that every single part of these movies are badass, with badass music, direction, cinematography, and acting, but this is bullshit.
In reply to True Man
I think that it’s all about those being bad Batman Movies, the lore was fucked up, not the movies themselves.
batman sucks
In reply to sumit kumar raj
Bla bla bla.Why don’t you just wait for the upcoming Batman v Superman movie next year.The Director already made Superman awesome in Man of Steel, he will make Batman awesome in this movie next year.
The Dark Knight Trilogy is great for being original and bringing a new kind of Batman so yeah screw you
If you watch any comic book movie with the expectation that it is going to be a perfect rendition of the source material, then you’re in for some serious disappointment.
I think of all superhero movies as interesting and fun live-action interpretations, but nothing more than that.
If you want the characters and stories as they are supposed to be then head to your local comic shop.
If you want to watch a movie that tries it’s best to pack decades of comic book history and character development into a 2.5 hour long film, then by all means go be entertained.
Okay, Okay. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and while I never read many Batman comics (just some as a kid, mostly hand-downs), I watched all the movies, the animated series and even the old Batman show (as corny as it is by todays standards, it was a great show)… anyway, I cant agree with anything you have to say about the Nolan series. It was a masterpiece from start (begins) to finish (rises). Let me explain why: yes, the realism is fun, after all, batman is a superhero but he isn’t superhuman and its refreshing to see something that could be believable… even if its still bullsh*t. The story has an excellent arc that combines all three films and makes them relevant to one another. The bat suits are awesome and how he acquires most of his gear is well explained, so there is no need for guessing. The movies have lots action, heart pounding music and great reoccurring character’s (which is also a big plus). Bale’s Bruce Wayne is more interesting and enjoyable all around. I like how in the trilogy there is lots of emotional intensity, basically it has its share of drama which serves to make Batman’s journey and pursuits of justice more personal. The villains are complex- not simple like the 90’s Batman movies- but they are still dangerous and seem more menacingly challenging to Batman. Most of all (and believe me, I could write about this glorious trilogy for days), I love the way the movie puts such a strong emphasis on good and evil- there are plenty of dirty cops, politicians, good guys gone bad, a pure sense of a good world gone bad, but one that has the potential to be good again. All they need is something to believe in… a symbol. All around I respect you’re opposite point of view but I strongly disagree. The bat-suit is badass, the action is edge of your seat kind of stuff, villains are deadly, he needs the cape and at least these movies explained how it works, the bat-mobile (stealth mode activated), bat pod and jet are all cool, Gotham city is fine, you get a sense of its geography and layout plus the inhabitants of it (as far as it not being goth, I say who cares, its still gritty and dark). All around these are classical movies, perhaps you should watch them again.
I’ve never been a huge fan of Batman, mostly because he’s a tad too righteous for my tastes, and the plotlines (in movies; never read the comics) are a tad too cliche/predictable. Even though I haven’t read the comics I do understand that the characters and environments in comics have a certain image and feel to them that attracts people to their worlds, and I’m fully aware of what Batman’s world is supposed to look like. Christopher Nolan’s take on Batman and his world are watered down, boring and, quite frankly, utterly disrespectful. For instance, I think one of the first things that stuck out was the fact that Gotham didn’t exactly look like Gotham. Bummer. Next, Batman seems to either have a large hairball in his throat or he’s doing a parody of another Batman’s voice. La la la… everything from the list is true. Further, none of the villains seem to have much depth to them. THEY’RE BORING, not scary, not comic-book-ish at all, and you just know they’re gonna let Batman win at the end. I hate predictability. If Nolan really wanted a more “realistic” Batman saga then he shoulda written them so that the bad guys aren’t sabotaging themselves to lose! Batman can still win at the end, but let’s have half the city annihilated, bodies everywhere, people screaming, etc etc yadda yadda… Instead of a bunch of kiddy PG crap let’s go full-on rated-R for a change and make this world a darker one, not a lighter one. Let’s allow Batman to act a little bit more like Spawn.