It never fails to shock me how a tip is demanded in the US. People simply refuse to listen to reason when we (yes, there are others!) tell them that leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Well, I’m hoping for too much here, but if you’re a waiter, here are 5 reasons why I will try my best not to give any money to you and why the reasons for tipping are crappy.
1. You act as if you’re my best friend
Just leave me alone ok? I don’t want to bloody chit chat with you. I want food. FOOD! Get it? It’s a restaurant. I go there to eat. I go because I want either Italian food, Chinese Food or something else which I can’t get in a McDonald’s. So I come to a restaurant to fulfill my cravings for it. I will pay for what I value – food. Not you.
Christ, you offend me – kneeling down next to my table, pretending to like me and chatting as if you’re my best friend when it’s obvious that all you’re after is the tip! I’m not a bloody money bag you know. I will pay the bill which includes the cost of the food, the environment and the salaries of the people involved – nothing more.
The only way to get money out of me that I don’t have to legally pay is by prying it out of my cold dead hands…
Bottom line: I don’t want to know your name, or interact with you for any longer than I have to in order to place my order. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the equivalent of a conveyor belt that brings me my food and a computer into which I input my order. Of course, I won’t be rude. But don’t expect me to interact with you any more than I would with some stranger.
Image Credit: cafemama
2. You don’t get paid enough
And this is my problem how exactly? It’s astonishing that customers are expected to make up for your employer’s cheapness in not paying you a decent wage. Please include the full cost in everyone’s bill thank you very much. I’ll pay it because I have to and the charge is there for me to see.
What’s really funny here is that no one seems to criticize the employers! All criticism is reserved for non tipping customers instead of the owners of the restaurant for not paying a decent wage. Wtf! Could it possibly be because you guys know you can make much more by tips and under report your income to the IRS?
3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?
And I’ll shoot your kid if you don’t give me a million dollars. Seriously, am I even hearing this right? You’re actually using the threat of blackmail to make me pay you? Well as long as you’re openly claiming to be a criminal it’s all right I guess.
Fortunately that’s why I prefer buffets. Listen apart from it being illegal, this shows your poor integrity. But if you spit in someone’s food because they didn’t give you money you didn’t earn, then you’re a loser and deserve to be a waiter for the rest of your life.
4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra
Did you cook it? Did you invent it? No. You picked it up and brought it to me. While it might not be easy, there are plenty of jobs which are much worse – shop floor workers for example. And I’ve been a shop floor manager, so I know. Face it – compared to other jobs, being a waiter is unskilled. You get paid what the market will think your services are worth. You don’t deserve more for your work over and above what your employer should pay you.
5. Money doesn’t grow on trees
I expect you to be grateful and pray for me at night if I tip you 10%. Be happy I gave you anything at all. I worked for the money in my wallet and by giving you some I didn’t have to, I’m doing you a favor. Learn to remember that when people give you something they don’t need to, it’s a favor. You don’t complain that they didn’t give you more!
By the way, the same thing above applies to all professions that demand tips including those on cruise liners.
So now that you understand why I won’t give you money you don’t deserve, stop with the “oh how could you?” attitude. I can. And I will.
Update: Here’s a rebuttal of the many silly justifications for tipping that people have given in the comments section.
*****American servers***** do not fall into this… just ignore this bullshit post because this person doesn’t come from where we come from nor does he believe what we believe. So please spare yourself wasted emotions trying to tell this person off because; he doesn’t give two shit about any of you and you will just feed his ego. You know where you all stand as human beings.. don’t let this fool bring you down on any level. Being a server/bartender is awesome and most of us chose to do this.. you are all amazing people.
Servers and wait staff, what Jonathan obviously doesn’t have the intelligence to grasp is that ANYONE who works and EARNS a paycheck (yes, even the self employed) is ultimately providing a service, in one form or another, to someone. If he truly does have a “higher education” which allows him a “higher standard of living”, he probably obtained that education, at least in part, through government (yes, supplemented by OUR taxes) loans and/or grants. It is fairly evident that he has very low self esteem, therefore he must put others down in his effort to elevate his own sense of self worth. So servers and wait staffers, know that, without you and others in the “service” industry, this ignorant, sanctimonious fool would probably be unable to hold the social and economical position which his comments seem to imply that he does. May he experience many, many “accidental” spills of his meal into his lap…Karma can be a true bitch!
In reply to Jan
Check your w2s–that service is simply an appendage of the restaurant taht staffs you, that is it. You work for the RESTAURANT , YOU DON’T WORK FOR ME BUB.
What does self esteem have to do with anything?
You people sicken me with your entitlement etc.
How about this–find a job, agree that is it. If someone gives you extra, great. If not, fine live with it.
Make $2.13/hour? Find another job. Work in sanitation or work as a telemarketer. Work for McDonalds which pays more than $8.00 an hour. Its simply market economics.
I thoroughly don’t believe in minimum wage, so I am not going to even cater to that argument. $2.13/hour is a heck of a lot better than $0.00/hour.
This comment section is absolutely hilarious, does no one realise that this is a work of satire? I was afraid the art of satire had been lost, but this article is a great example. I found it to be quite a fun read. Bravo to the author.
Hey Jonathan….. if this is how you really feel why isn’t your picture attached to your blog or your comments? Is it because you know no American server would EVER speak to you let alone let you even sit down at restaurant they worked at? And here I thought most of the way Indians treated people they looked down upon in the movie Slumdog Millionaire was fiction….. “Fetch, boy fetch”? Seriously? Please post your picture…. please. Servers in this country have the definite right to refuse service to you.
In reply to Michelle Harris
no they don’t, you dip-shit. The manager/owner does. but the server doesn’t, and would be fired.
In reply to sven
Actually servers DO reserve the right to refuse service to ANYONE based on the server’s discretion. I’ve personally turned away 10+ notorious non-tipping assholes and been the one to tell the manager myself. 9 times out of 10 the manager knows you’re a cheap prick too and doesn’t want you around either.
Why don’t you post the 5 reasons why you cant get laid. I’m pretty sure this guys social life consists of talking to a brick wall.
While you sit here and waste your time posting this ignorant post, why don’t you pull your head out of your ass and face reality. Most people that are servers, are mothers, fathers, students, many have sick family members that they need an extra job to help take care of there loved ones. Which is probably unfortunate for you because I don’t see anyone giving two flying bird shits for a unappreciative ignorant person like yourself. I bet you don’t ask for a refill on your beverage, or send your food back when it was exactly what you ordered in the first place, or run your server back and forth while they are balls to the walls deep dealing with unappreciative JERKS LIKE YOU!!! Just so you can have a laugh at the end of your meal that you were never going to tip in the first place. Obviously you have a lot of time on your hands anyways to even be worried about posting about NOT tipping, who even gives a shit why you don’t tip or what your stupid reasons are on why you don’t. Obviously you don’t have enough money to even go out to eat or you wouldn’t be crying about the extra few bucks you fork out just to help someone out. You say you like food so much, do everyone a favor and stick with fast food and buffets, that way you don’t have to bitch! Im sure your so healthy too! Excuse my language! Have a nice day douchbag
In reply to Laura
I’m sure there are plenty of farm workers who make about $2.00/hour who ALSO have sick mothers, fathers, etc.
Stop acting like YOU are the only people with problems. Entitlement, blech ;p
This is the most stupid thing Ive ever read!
Get a life and lay off on the waitress! dang someone needs attention much???
Look at all these ignorant comments posted by waitresses. Karma will get you , douche bag, eat at home, eat at McDonald’s. All you waitresses are clearly jealous that I can afford very nice meals and you can’t. I make good money working in a beautiful office with a few sexy secretaries. You bitch and moan because you had to carry a heavy dish to my table boo-hoo. That is your job unskilled labor. It pays unskilled wages. I have important decisions to make, deadlines, meetings. presentations. All you have to worry about is opening a bottle of Pinot noir. I wish I had it as easy as you, but then again I will gladly accept responsibilities so that I don’t have to rely on begging for tips. I have an app for my iPhone that allows me to pair wines with my meal, it even discusses vintages. The job of wine somalia is now obsolete. One less person you have to worry about tipping.
In reply to Vidal
Was this comment made towards farm workers??? NOOOO….but the title of this post was about servers…and I was not talking about myself with problems!!! I am not even a server anymore but I have been in there shoes … SO NO NEED FOR YOUR COMMENT!
In reply to Laura
So what you are saying is it is ok for farm workers to make low wages but NOT wait staff? As if farm workers don’t have needs and you do?
I don’t care about your problems. This is capitalism. Give me my food, that is it. Your ills mean nothing to me.
In reply to Common Sense
“I have important decisions to make, deadlines, meetings. presentations. All you have to worry about is opening a bottle of Pinot noir. I wish I had it as easy as you, but then again I will gladly accept responsibilities so that I don’t have to rely on begging for tips. I have an app for my iPhone that allows me to pair wines with my meal, it even discusses vintages. The job of wine somalia is now obsolete. One less person you have to worry about tipping.”
This is clearly coming from someone’s personal assistant that has high hopes of someday doing more than getting coffee for his white American boss which would explain the stuck up attitude and the need to flaunt all that “he has”. You don’t have a “few sexy secretaries” those are co-workers that are employed by your superior who probably doesn’t appreciate the primitive, pre-pubescent looks you constantly give them hoping that maybe someday they’d acknowledge the existence of a slumdog millionaire wannabe such as yourself. Not going to happen kid. You’re a fucking loser flat out. That’s why you tried to come on the internet and brag about your life. It’s pretty fucking blatant none of what you said has any truth to it and was more fabricated bullshit like the rest of the indians on this joke of a site. Just come out and admit that you work for DELL tech support making $8/hr while you talk shit on websites.
PS – It’s spelled “sommelier” you fucking ignorant moron. You’d think with all those “important decisions” you’ve got to make you’d learn to fucking spell at a high school level before spewing stupidity all over the internet. Stick to your app written by someone who’s never been a SOMMELIER. It’s just another reason to laugh at your pathetic ass eating alone with your bottom tier glass of wine that you think you’ve “paired with your dish”. People like you and this dumbfuck “Common Sense” are very fortunate ignorance isn’t illegal or punishable by euthanasia otherwise you’d be long gone.
And Common, if you just want your food, THEN ORDER IT TO GO so the rest of the establishment doesn’t have to suffer through having to look at your pock-marked acne-riddled face knowing that you can’t afford to tip but still slide in to eat like the scumbag you know you are. I make plenty of money and STILL tip very healthy on my tab. Whats your excuse you broke fuck?
Save us the time and our tables and just go in McDonald’s. What a sad miserable and mean person you are. Plus, don’t say serving isn’t hard. You wouldn’t last a week in our shoes. Also, don’t you know if they upped serving wage business would go down, prices would go up and people like your ass would complain that foods too expensive.