5 reasons why I won’t tip you if you’re a waiter

It never fails to shock me how a tip is demanded in the US. People simply refuse to listen to reason when we (yes, there are others!) tell them that leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Well, I’m hoping for too much here, but if you’re a waiter, here are 5 reasons why I will try my best not to give any money to you and why the reasons for tipping are crappy.

1. You act as if you’re my best friend

Just leave me alone ok? I don’t want to bloody chit chat with you. I want food. FOOD! Get it? It’s a restaurant. I go there to eat. I go because I want either Italian food, Chinese Food or something else which I can’t get in a McDonald’s. So I come to a restaurant to fulfill my cravings for it. I will pay for what I value – food. Not you.

Christ, you offend me – kneeling down next to my table, pretending to like me and chatting as if you’re my best friend when it’s obvious that all you’re after is the tip! I’m not a bloody money bag you know. I will pay the bill which includes the cost of the food, the environment and the salaries of the people involved – nothing more.

The only way to get money out of me that I don’t have to legally pay is by prying it out of my cold dead hands…

Bottom line: I don’t want to know your name, or interact with you for any longer than I have to in order to place my order. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the equivalent of a conveyor belt that brings me my food and a computer into which I input my order. Of course, I won’t be rude. But don’t expect me to interact with you any more than I would with some stranger.

Image Credit: cafemama

 

Did you earn this tip?

 

2. You don’t get paid enough

And this is my problem how exactly? It’s astonishing that customers are expected to make up for your employer’s cheapness in not paying you a decent wage. Please include the full cost in everyone’s bill thank you very much. I’ll pay it because I have to and the charge is there for me to see.

What’s really funny here is that no one seems to criticize the employers! All criticism is reserved for non tipping customers instead of the owners of the restaurant for not paying a decent wage. Wtf! Could it possibly be because you guys know you can make much more by tips and under report your income to the IRS?

3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?

And I’ll shoot your kid if you don’t give me a million dollars. Seriously, am I even hearing this right? You’re actually using the threat of blackmail to make me pay you? Well as long as you’re openly claiming to be a criminal it’s all right I guess.

Fortunately that’s why I prefer buffets. Listen apart from it being illegal, this shows your poor integrity. But if you spit in someone’s food because they didn’t give you money you didn’t earn, then you’re a loser and deserve to be a waiter for the rest of your life.

4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra

Did you cook it? Did you invent it? No. You picked it up and brought it to me. While it might not be easy, there are plenty of jobs which are much worse – shop floor workers for example. And I’ve been a shop floor manager, so I know. Face it – compared to other jobs, being a waiter is unskilled. You get paid what the market will think your services are worth. You don’t deserve more for your work over and above what your employer should pay you.

5. Money doesn’t grow on trees

I expect you to be grateful and pray for me at night if I tip you 10%. Be happy I gave you anything at all. I worked for the money in my wallet and by giving you some I didn’t have to, I’m doing you a favor. Learn to remember that when people give you something they don’t need to, it’s a favor. You don’t complain that they didn’t give you more!

By the way, the same thing above applies to all professions that demand tips including those on cruise liners.

So now that you understand why I won’t give you money you don’t deserve, stop with the “oh how could you?” attitude. I can. And I will.

Update: Here’s a rebuttal of the many silly justifications for tipping that people have given in the comments section.

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Comments

  1. I am a waitress cause not smart enough to do anything else I do drugs have several kids out of wedlock and live in a trailer park. You should tip me because I need drugs and cigarettes and have no ambition to get a better job.
    Feel sorry for me and give me money.

    Reply

  2. Don’t feel bad, you are a typical waitress.

    Reply

  3. I currently deliver pizzas will putting myself through college. I don’t get angry when I don’t get tipped I just walk away knowing that you don’t tip and that’s all there is to it no amount of me whining or complaining is going to change that so it’s wasted energy. I do value the tips that I do get and I go out of my way to make sure people know I appreciate it, but some people just aren’t going to tip and nothing you say or do is going to change that. Luckily I’m only a semester away from graduating and I’ve already got a job lined up.

    The sad thing is is that tipping really should be outlawed but unfortunately it’s not and the only way that you’re going to really get that done is with legislation but that’s not going to happen. So unfortunately if you live in America it’s customary to tip, it’s not required but it is frowned upon when you don’t.

    So yeah you don’t feel bad about not tipping and hell you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Like you say, my livelihood is not your responsibility and you’re there for food. I will say this though I think you’re an asshole not because you don’t tip but because you feel a sense of superiority over someone in the service industry. As you said yourself you don’t really make much so I can only assume you probably work a dead-end job which means you probably gone home every night and cry into your pillow using your tears of lubrication while you masturbate asking the world why, why Lord, why has Thou forsaken me to be so amazing yet to be so wasted at this dead-end job? Can you not see the immense capabilities of my petty powers?

    See I can be Petty too so you’re nothing special just another person who doesn’t tip and that’s fine. At the end of the day we’re all just individuals trying to get through life and just like when I die barely anyone will ever remember me when you die barely anyone will ever remember you. So unless you think you’re not tipping is actually a service to the world I would suggest you shut the fuck up because nobody really cares get here I am commenting on this so maybe I’m just a fucking hypocrite.

    Reply

    • In reply to Robert

      Yes I feel a sense of superiority over someone in the service industry. They are just servants. I don’t tip because it is a foolish waste of money. The employer is responsible for the wages not me.
      I didn’t become wealthy by giving money away.

      Reply

      • I shyt on your plate says:

        In reply to $Bill

        You are not wealthy. You’re obviously a penniless douchebag with a tiny little penis.

        Reply

      • In reply to I shyt on your plate

        I think you’re angry because I fired you, and you don’t clean my toilets anymore. I’m sure there’s plenty of janitorial jobs available to you .

        Whenever a person makes a tiny penis reference. They generally have personal insecurities . I’m sorry your mommy abused you and daddy didn’t hug you enough.

        Reply

    • Jally parkway says:

      In reply to Robert

      Your a faggot sand nigger that suck cocks for bucks. You sit in internet cafes and pretend to trend. You’re a loser liberal cocksuck. I stuff fist fulls of dollars in my apron pockets and don’t claim my tips, I average higher paychecks that way and end up making between 25 to 30 dollars an hour. Not a bad gig. JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA

      Reply

  4. Sometimes real men stare at me when I’m waiting tables and that’s ok, I’m there to serve them. If they want me to blow them under the table, then I’m to oblige them. Just wipe my sticky fingers off on my apron and go about my minimum wage job.

    Reply

  5. The only way I will tip a waitress, is if she washed my Lexus, or sucked my dick. Get a real job if you want a bigger paycheck.

    Reply

  6. Common Sense says:

    man, 9 years and still running strong!!!! go get ’em

    Reply

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