No Woman “Shares Responsibility” for Her Rape

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In the past few days, I’ve been genuinely shocked by some people claiming that a woman “dressing provocatively” shares the responsibility for her rape. The logic seems to be, that women who dress skimpily intend to provoke. The rape is merely a consequence of that provocation. Therefore they are equally responsible.

I find this to be such a horrible travesty of the principles of justice, that I recoil in horror at the mere hint of such thinking. The implications are so grotesque, I cannot seriously believe that any intelligent person supports it after thinking it through to its very end.

Astute readers will realize of course that in reality, women are raped because they are vulnerable – not because they “dress provocatively”. But to me, that is irrelevant. In a free country, a woman should have the right to dress however she wants with whatever intention – even if it is to provoke. In other words, even a complete slut should never have to “share the responsibility” for her rape. Just like an artist should have the right to paint whatever they want no matter how offensive it seems to other people without the fear of physical retaliation.

Arguments like this showcase a fundamental misunderstanding of the principles of justifiable reaction. While arguing with a blogger over this, this was my response:

It’s a well-established principle of jurisprudence, that the reaction to something must be concomitant with the action. In other words, if I prick you with a pin, you have no business retaliating with a grenade launch. If you DO throw a bomb at me for pricking you with a pin, you will find very little sympathy by claiming to be “provoked” by me. You will be rightly punished and condemned for doing so without an ounce of leniency.

And this is why your claim that a woman holds responsibility for her rape is so utterly hollow. No woman, or indeed no person, can share the responsibility for the reaction that is so outrageously disproportionate to the action. The act of physically violating a woman is so ludicrously out of whack with the “provocation”, that I have difficulty believing whether you’re actually serious or not. But based on what you said, I have no choice but to believe that you are indeed serious.

I hope you can see now how illogical your stand is and how grotesquely it mutilates the very concept of fairness and justice.

And for the benefit of those who “just don’t get it”, here is why physically violating a woman can never be a justifiable reaction to her dressing – no matter how provocative it is.

Let’s assume that the woman by her skimpy dress, has “provoked” you (Apparently this happens to some men, though never to me, and never to any friends of mine. But it seems there are some semi-animals among us who think otherwise). If you view this provocation as an attack upon you, what responses are comparable to the provocation? Let’s see, you can (surprise) WALK AWAY! In other words, you have the power to distance yourself from the “provocation” and from the “harm” that you perceive. It is entirely within your power to remove the source of your affliction. On the other hand, you can retaliate in kind. You can wear whatever sexually provocative dress YOU want to wear and repay her in the same way! If worse comes to worst, you can simply be rude to her, ignore etc. ( though that kind of makes you a jerk). Bottom line: all of these reactions are in some way comparable to the “offense” that she has given you by her clothing.

But when you touch her without her permission, molest her physically, or try and rape her, you cross a line. You cross that line whenever you turn physical. And why is physical retaliation “crossing the line”? Because unlike mere “provocation”, one cannot just walk away from a physical assault. So while every single man on the planet has the capability to distance himself either physically or mentally from the “provocation” of a woman because of her dress, a woman – or anyone for that matter – doesn’t have the same freedom in the case of a physical transgression.

So I hope you understand this now. Why no woman can ever be accused of “sharing responsibility” for her rape. It’s because rape and molestation are physical attacks which a person cannot simply walk away from unlike any other imagined offense in your head she may have given you.

So can we please STOP with this “she asked for it” and “it’s her fault” bullshit now?

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59 thoughts on “No Woman “Shares Responsibility” for Her Rape”

  1. “You can wear whatever sexually provocative dress YOU want to wear and repay her in the same way!” – :). am starting to think how men will start dressing if they accephist t. And since many are complaining that women are provocatively dressed(including other women) I hope to see a lot many soon on the roads.
    And anyways the same men who rape/abuse/act cheap to women already dress/talk provocatively. Some men just show flash on the road on purpose. Women just learn to ignore.

    Reply

  2. Agree in general with your views.

    Just a couple of stray observations/thoughts.

    1) I suspected and later checked by cosulting a dictionary. “provocate” is not listed. There is no such word. The word is simply “provoke”. You may like to make the correction in the third line from top.

    Z) In lighter vein:
    If we adopt the principle of a retaliatory “pin-prick” for a provocative “pin-prick”, just how does a man dress provocatively? I believe it is simply not possible! A man can perhaps be indecently dressed, never provocatively.
    Can a man dressingly  “impeccably”  be charged with attempting to provoke a woman?

    Women have this option to dress “provocatively” while we men don’t.

    Regards
    GV

    Reply

    • In reply to G Vishwanath

      Thanks GV – I made the change.

      It’s not necessary to respond in the same way – merely in a comparable manner. For example, if M F Husain paints something I don’t like, I don’t have the talent/ability to respond with a painting in return. But I can write, conduct a campaign against his position, debate, appear on TV shows etc.

      People who’re “provoked” by a woman’s dress can simply do anything which irritates them :) – but touching is a no no.

      Reply

  3. I resent strongly the suggestion by anyone that women dress “provocatively”. It is utter nonsense. “Provocation is in the eyes and head of the “provoked” and not in the dress a woman wears.
    I agree with what you have written.

    Reply

  4. @ Mr. GV – I think men can dress ‘provocatively’ too. How? They can try to dress like fashion models or film stars, they can comb their hair in public places, peeking into any surface that reflects.
    Or, like provocatively dressed women, they can ruin the Indian culture by wearing jeans. (certified provocation)
    They can use cell phones, dance, drink (without breaking any laws), smoke, look confident and ‘free’.
    They can be even more ‘provocative’ by wearing shorts or T shirts.
    Being provocative is very easy, all they have to do is forget they are equal and then everything they do can be deemed ‘provocative’.

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  5. There is simply no rationalization one can make to justify a childish lack of self-control in this respect.

    When I was younger, and single, I met many women who had experienced “date rape”. The excuses these animals always made afterward were beyond ridiculous.

    There is no excuse for such behavior. Ever. I’ve been in more situations than I care to admit now, where the word “no” was uttered at literally the last possible second, even after previously saying yes, and I never felt overcome by the animalistic urge to disobey her desire to stop.

    I have less self control and discipline than most people, especially when I was younger, and if I could manage to apply the brakes so can any other male of the species. When these animals figure out that showing women such respect will get them further at a later, more appropriate time, maybe then they’ll learn – but I doubt it.

    Great post Bhagwad!

    Reply

    • In reply to Thurman

      I think there’s a fundamental disconnect here. It’s obvious that some people feel that at some point of time a woman loses the right to decide what happens with her body. I wish there was a flag of some sorts to identify people who think like this in advance so that women can avoid going out with these douche bags.

      Reply

  6. Ok I have this wild scenario.
    If a girl calls you to her room, undresses infront of you. Touches your genitals multiple times and behaves it was accidental. (you consented it) to a point that you are visibly aroused. Now when you try to have sex with her and she says “no” and tries to go away.

    Would she share a responsibility if the person now raped her?

    Reply

    • In reply to Piyush Mishra

      Umm…this is hardly a “wild” scenario. Many times a girl doesn’t want to have sex for whatever reasons. It’s called “making out” and is pretty common. We’ve all done it. Raping a girl/woman if she doesn’t want to have sex has no justification whatsoever.

      So no – I don’t see how you can call it “sharing responsibility”. The woman trusts you – which is why she’s willing to engage with you in an intimate sexual act. By raping her at that point, you betray her trust.

      Reply

      • In reply to bhagwad

        I think I should have mentioned that, the person who gave me this scenario had mentioned ex-gf and revenge.
        The aim of the girl here is to arouse and leave you so that you feel the pain she felt in the past because you dumped her.
        It is not the make out session as it is. Though, now that I think of it, both scenarios are pretty much the same. It is more like raping the girl who gave you a private lap dance or something.
        Especially if you are not present there (eg: in a court of justice later on)…

        disclaimer: I am not trying to justify rape in anyway. Just trying to find the point where it becomes the “victim”‘s fault.
        Eg: consented sex and the partner dumps you after that. That person now is a d*ck but not a rapist. Though it can be proven to be rape if you lie and have a good lawyer

        Reply

  7. Bhagwad,
    I agree with you.

    In answer to Piyush Mishra’s question:
    Briefly, No.
    She would not share responsibility.

    A woman has the right to say no at the last minute and that right must be respected if you are a decent gentleman like Thurman seems to be.

    If you believe she was teasing you, then find a way to tease her in return in future and enjoy your revenge.

    You are within your rights to be disappointed, and upbraid her for egging you on and refusing to have anything to do with her in future, but you have no business forcing yourself upon her.

    Consider an analogous situation.

    If a sweet-meat stall owner beckons, invites you to examine all the goodies he has on offer, and then invites you to inhale the sweet smells and even offers you a small sample to taste, and then finally (for whatever reason) refuses to sell you or gift you the sweet you want, does he share responsibility for your crime if you simply grab what you want and swallow it ?

    Regards
    GV

    Reply

    • In reply to G Vishwanath

      This is correct. No one is saying that a woman egging a guy on is a nice thing to do. It makes them jerks and jerks are usually punished by the circle of people around them by being ignored or by being cut out of activities. That’s the price they pay for being jerks.

      That doesn’t mean it’s illegal or that the jerk can be punished by physically assaulting them.

      Reply

  8. I think most of the questions are answered and i don’t have anymore to comment on.
    Just want to say, the post is good. And has improved my intellect.

    Well its ridiculous that people in our society say that a girl who covers herself proper and wear “appropriate” clothes is decent and should not be attacked and don’t care much about those who wear clothes as they suit them if they are minis or tight tops.

    Everyone has their right to wear clothes as they wish to.
    I think that irrespective of the gender, we are faced with human right violations, if not rape.
    And these violations are not usually resolved or taken care of, and thought of as mere things. That’s why the mindset of society has become so narrow, that they try to judge the character of people by the clothes they wear.

    Reply

  9. Bhagwad,

    I dont think the person you discussed this with is worth your time and energy.

    OTOH, these posts are becoming very repetitive: the topics on women’s provocative dress – net censorship – Is. terrorism keep cycling with several quickie posts.

    I feel the need to widen my reading horizons a bit. I dont see a blogroll. Can you pls post a list of your favorite blogs here?

    I will check back every now and then to see if you have fresh maal :-)

    thank you,
    Jai

    Reply

  10. Sure Bhagwad. As a matter of fact your blog is generalist and does cover a wide range of topics. Which are your favorite blogs, your reading recommendations? As blogs you read, they will likely be of interest to me (not just to me, likely most other readers here as well).

    eg. I’ve seen your comments on some blogs I already read, like Akhond of Swat on the net censorhsip issue. Any others?

    thanks
    Jai
    PS: I cant think of any reason not to list these which is why I’m asking. My regulars are on my sidebar for example. But if this is too much trouble or too personal or something, that’s perfectly fine :-)

    Reply

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