Expressions – Bhagwad Jal Park

My wife and I have always strongly preferred to not have children. Ever. And this belief is reinforced time and again in various instances. Each time we set foot in an airplane and there are babies crying uncontrollably, we look at each other in horror and praise our luck. Whenever we hear about the travails of parents trying to get their kids into nursery, school, or college, we congratulate each other on our good fortune. When we watch movies like “The Good Son” or “The Bad Seed”, we thank the stars for our fortuitous escape.

Also, we’re ****ing up the earth so badly that I’ve lost hope and I don’t want my children to curse me for bringing them into a doomed world. They’ll look at me and say “What right did you have? I never asked to be born – it’s your fault that I’m choking in this putrid air!” Thoroughly sound reasons to keep my progeny off the earth I say.

But here’s the rub. The theory of evolution says that a successful organism manages to pass on its genes. Logically this means that:

Successful => Kids

And the Contra-Positive is:

No Kids => Unsuccessful

Am I dooming my genes?

So by definition, my wife and I are evolutionary failures. To make matters worse, my brother and his wife have decided not to have kids either. This makes both of them evolutionary failures too. And here’s the nub – my brother and I are the only two children of our parents. If the both of us are failures, then my parents are failures too! In essence an entire branch of the “Park” family is about to be pruned from the evolutionary tree – a dead end. A cul de sac.

This makes me wonder. My wife and I as well as my brother and his wife are not having kids because in our estimation, it’s logical to not have them. In developed countries, more and more people are reasoning out the same thing (thereby lowering the population). Ergo it seems that intelligent people are being wiped off the face of the earth! Those individuals whose logic dictates that they must not procreate are evolutionary failures whose genes are squished out of the gene pool – leaving only…well those without that particular brand of intelligence shall we say

My wife and I have given this some thought, and I’m fairly keen on having my genes survive in this world – I mean I think they’re pretty good after all! But how to do that without the attendant consequences? And then I hit on an idea, and my wife agrees. I’m going to go to a sperm bank! The one in Apollo hospital in Chennai seems to be just the thing. Propagation of my genes without having to take care of the resultant blighters. . Something like the Koel strategy I say, but with no deception involved. And to seal the deal, I might as well donate to several banks to maximize the chance of my genes getting along fine.

Now if I can just motivate myself to get off my lazy ass and implement my master plant – ha ha ha ha (Evil grin)

What do you think of sperm bank donation for people who don’t want to take care of their kids? (Two answers allowed)

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I’ve decided to read all of Isaac Asimov’s books, and having read the first one I, Robot, I’m very glad I did so. This is his first book in his “Foundation Series” and is a set of short stories narrated by a “Robopsychologist” called Susan Calvin.

Just for the record, the book has nothing to do with the movie I, Robot starring Will Smith. The movie is an interesting take on the interpretation of the three laws, but there’s absolutely no similarity with the book, since the book is composed of a number of short stories.

I Robot by Isaac Asimov

It’s here we’re first introduced to the famous three laws of robotics:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Each short story examines various facets of the interaction between humans and robots through an interesting storyline. I don’t mind admitting that the reason I’m reading Asimov is because of his reputation for not having any “literary style.” In other words, he comes straight to the point and doesn’t bother himself with too much “artiness.” This is reflected in the short stories in I, Robot, each of which is riveting and the reader never gets bored for a moment.

Some of the stories such as “Reason”, where a robot refuses to believe it was created by humans and “Robbie” which is a touching story about a little girl’s attachment to her robot are simply splendid. Some of them really move you and expose you to new situations. With this book, I’m beginning to see why Isaac Asimov is such a great writer!

Moving on to the other books in the foundations series now!

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I use Paypal to receive payments for my freelancing work from my clients all over the world. Today however, I got a shock on receiving the following mail from Paypal:

Hello Bhagwad Park,

Thank you,

Paypal

To be sure, they’ve given a workaround – they want my buyers to pretend they’re buying “goods” instead of services. There are several problems with this. For one, some of my largest clients are corporates whose payment system is automatic. They don’t “click” anything or “select” anything. The payments just goes from their systems. For me to ask them to change the way they do business is impossible.

Secondly, Paypal is asking me to encourage my buyers to lie! I don’t provide any goods and it’s quite possible that my buyers will refuse to falsify their accounts just because the almighty Paypal says they must.

Mind you, this is only for Indian Paypal accounts. Why has this happened? Paypal refuses to divulge more details on this issue and who knows how long this will last? There are very few reliable options to transfer money from abroad into India and Paypal is like a gateway. It’s tragic that there’s no real alternative to Paypal – most of my buyers know Paypal and will use it and if I tell them I can’t receive payments in Paypal, I don’t know how they’ll pay me.

Fortunately a lot depends on this and some corporations (like oDesk – the organization where I get part of my work from) and unless they find a way to resolve this, all their Indian providers will be unable to withdraw and hence work. And since they get large portions of their revenue from places like India, they simply have to find a viable workaround. Also, all web hosting payments to and from India will be canceled creating mass chaos – so I’m really a smaller fish

Crossing my fingers and hoping this goes away soon…

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I’ve been reading books all my life and have encountered many different sorts. But I’ve never read a book that I so throughly enjoyed without being able to explain why. To put it simply, it’s the story of a person named Philip from the age of nine on to when he’s thirty. It’s the first book I have read that so completely explains the story of a person and all his inner thoughts.

I find “Of Human Bondage” exceptional in that the author is extraordinarily frank. It’s not difficult to see that he’s taken a lot of material from his own life. Only a person who has experienced it can write the way he does.  And while you’re exposed to Philip’s thoughts, you cringe because you realize that you sometimes react in exactly the same way. Philip is all too believable. He does some smart things, and some stupid things and you can see his yearnings and struggles for understanding the meaning of life.

Of Human Bondage by Somerset Maugham

You really begin to care for Philip and how he’s going to end up. There are many small plots within the whole life story just as with any other life. This is one book that is thoroughly real and insightful.

Somerset Maugham doesn’t make use of story devices that other authors do. There is just one frame of reference throughout this very long book – and that is Philip’s. There’s no jumping around in the Chronology. Each chapter blends into the one before it. It’s the simple telling of Philip’s life, and I’ve never been so completely interested in a stranger’s doings. It goes to show that even the most outwardly dull chap leads a rich inner life which anyone would be interested to know about in detail – if it’s told with utmost frankness. In this case, Maugham couldn’t have been more open than if he was writing in his personal diary.

There are many truly exceptional characters in this book, and there are parts of it that will resonate with everyone. For example, Philip’s obsession with Mildred will explain the contradictory nature of falling in love with a person you truly dislike. His disenchantment with religion is another aspect of his life that many will empathize with, just as they would understand his simple and utter faith earlier in his childhood.

Somerset’s vocabulary is excellent and some of the words he uses are ones I’ve met for the first time. It’s a good thing I had my Kindle with me so I could look up their meanings then and there!

This is one of the most powerful books I’ve ever read. And I’m not very sure why. After finishing it, I feel as if I’ve gone through quite an emotional experience. I haven’t read Maugham’s other books, but on the strength of this one, I would say that his understanding of human nature is in the league of Dostoevsky, Balzac, and Tolstoy. A must read for any person interested in reading books in the English language.

Similar Posts:

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My dream has finally come true! Well, in all truth, it’s been true now for over a month, but it’s only now that I really have the leisure to write about it. Yes, I have a lovely new Kindle from Amazon and have been immersing myself in the glories of the E-Ink technology!

Those who know me are aware that I’ve switched to ebooks since 2004 with a variety of Devices starting with my Tungsten T, then my O2 and finally the iPod Touch. I’ve read hundreds of books on smartphone like devices, never bothering about the small screens (after all, it’s the font size that matters) and the less than stellar battery life. They still outdid physical books by a very long shot. Here were the reasons for switching to ebooks:

1. Don’t need to carry around trunks of books
2. Don’t need to maintain them
3. Can carry thousands of books in my pocket

Till now however, devices like the Kindle were too expensive for a cheapo like me. Though I salivated over the latest Kindle from Amazon and the Sony Ereader, I simply couldn’t bring myself to purchase a device when my needs were already so well met by the iPod Touch.

My Gorgeous new Kindle!

But then came along a contest organized by the freelancing website where I work,  oDesk.com which offered a Kindle as the first prize for a Haiku writing contest! I couldn’t resist and greedily submitted my Haikus which I was sure would win the prize. I looked forward to the day the results would be announced – so sure was I that mine would be the winning entry. Alas, when the day arrived I found to my consternation that I had come second and that my only prize was a T-shirt

I thought I’d lost the opportunity forever. Anupa (my wife) however, thought this the perfect time to surprise me with a new year’s gift. She thought my Haiku was better than the winning entry (and I secretly agreed with her ), and decided that I deserved one of the few things in life that I actually wanted. So it arrived the next day, all wrapped up and beauuuuutiful!

Sexy Kindle cover

Since then I’ve transferred my reading exclusively to the Kindle when I’m at home which I almost always am. My job as a freelancer doesn’t require me to travel out of the house and in these circumstances, the Kindle is perfect. On the rare occasions when I do leave the house for some reason, I still carry the iPod Touch with me for a quick mobile read. So why did I give up the iPod Touch for the Kindle? These were the main reasons:

1. E-Ink technology allows me to read in full light without a glare
2. The battery life is around 8,000 page turns! Around 2.5 books – perfect for a long flight
3. Larger screen means more text on the page and fewer page turns

So far, it’s been an absolute ball reading on it. I’ve already polished off seven books or so with this neat device. Anupa even bundled a beautiful case for it. It now looks just like a regular thin book and only I know that it’s a one stop shop for all my reading needs. It basically saved my life on the 25-30 hr flight from Chicago to Frankfurt to Mumbai and finally to Chennai.

The only disappointment so far is that the famous “Whispernet” technology doesn’t work in Chennai though it’s supposed to. In Chicago, I was even able to browse the Internet at no charge and I’m supposed to be able to do the same in Chennai as well since Amazon claims coverage here too. It’ll be really cool if that works and would make it a killer device. It comes with a built in dictionary which is damn neat as well. The cursor allows you to navigate to difficult words and the definition automatically pops up. And the extra space at the bottom allows me to get a nice solid grip on it.

Another convenience is the fact that the “Next page” buttons are located on both the left as well as on the right. So if my right hand is busy, I can still turn the pages. Perfect for eating and reading at the same time . Okkkk, I just realized that sounds really perverted, but the sentence stands!

Of course, I’m hardly a model customer for Amazon who expects me to log into their website from the Kindle and purchase books from them. No siree. Instead I download books onto my PC and use the super duper open source program Calibre to transfer the books onto the Kindle. I’m now reading “Of Human Bondage” by Somerset Maugham and have Isaac Asimov’s entire Foundation Series lined up for my reading pleasure! Going by all this, it’s not surprising that I’m a very happy man

For those of us living in India, you can order the Kindle from Amazon for an equivalent for Rs. 16,000 or so. The US price of $250 is increased by the customs duty in India. Still, not too bad I would say all things considered. I suppose we should be glad they’re shipping it at all. But if you can get a friend of yours to pick it up in the US and simply give it to you when he or she lands, that would save you some Rs. 4,000 . May or may not be worth it for you. If you do decide to order it from India itself, keep an eye out for unscrupulous delivery men who will try and take money from you just as they deliver it claiming import fees. Take the Kindle away from them first (by pretending to agree) and then ask them for a receipt and a bill. And then call their delivery company and report them.

I’m sure in a few years, ereaders will come out in full force into the Indian market. I’m looking forward to improvements and innovations, and most importantly, cheaper prices as well!

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Some of you might have noted a recent lack of climate change posts on this blog. That’s because I’ve lost hope. Our civilization is pretty much screwed. As George Carlin said, we’re going to be just another failed mutation.  We’re circling the drain now. I was really hoping for something good to come from Copenhagen in spite of the naysayers, and I’m disappointed to find that nothing happened. Nothing has changed. Everyone hawed and hemmed and basically stuck to their positions.

This simply shows that we humans are unable to change our short term habits and stave off long term disaster. For this shortcoming, we deserve to go extinct. Don’t mistake me though. Obviously the earth itself isn’t going anywhere – we are! Watch this video where George Carlin eloquently explains how we’re screwed. Initially it seems as if he’s against environment protection, but then 2 and a half minutes into the video, he reveals his real agenda. Kind of an odd way to look at it at first, but then it makes sense. Carlin argues that the planet is just fine – it’s the people that’re fucked!

To cap it all, climate change skeptics are pointing to the recent cold wave sweeping the US and Europe and are saying that this disproves global warming. This really makes me lose hope and question the concept of humans being an intelligent species. As if you can disprove decade long trends by a single data point. As if climate is the same as weather. And worst of all, as if they really think that global warming means that the whole earth is just going to get warmer and warmer each year – like switching on the thermostat!

So you think we have some hope left eh? Let me tell you why that’s an illusion.

The amount of CO2 the planet can handle without catastrophic climate change (catastrophic for us that is) is 350 ppm. Here is proof for that. And here is more proof. Our current level is 390 ppm and we’re predicted to touch 900 ppm by the end of the century! So basically:

Required CO2 concentration = 350 ppm
Current CO2 concentration = 390 ppm
Projected CO2 concentration = 900 ppm
Last time the earth had 400 ppm = 13 million years ago!

And in case you think we can cut emissions to reach 350 ppm, let me disabuse you now. Here is what we need to do to reach 350 ppm:

1. No further oil and gas exploration
2. No more dirty coal burning by 2030

If the US or China takes either of the above two steps, I’ll eat my iPod Touch. Nuff said. So pack your bag folks, we’re leaving. It’s been a nice 100,000 years on this earth of ours. There must be another one out in space somewhere but we’re so separated that they might as well not exist. It’s just as well we didn’t find any actually – fucking up one planet is enough! And I’m so glad I’m not having any children. What’s the use? We’re gonna all die anyway, and I don’t want my progeny to curse me.

What do you think? Are we screwed?

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• The Environment? It’s not just us! – September 23, 2009
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Been very busy reading the Sword of Truth series, and painfully waiting for the days to slip by. As the weather in Chicago gets colder and colder, I find myself thinking that I’m leaving for India not a moment too soon!

My wife and I have our arrival all planned out. We arrive early morning. Reach home and give mandatory (and much missed) love to doggy and other family members. Then we grab a few winks of sleep if possible, and head out for DOSA breakfast! Cheap dosas and philter kaapi with grumpy waiters who don’t expect tips. Did I mention that we’ll be going on a bike? Oh yes. It’s been well over a year since I sat on a bike and felt the hot humid air roasting my skin…..mmmmm

And I’ll be able to take walks in pajamas without having to layer myself in clothing like an onion. And having to peel off said layers when I get home. I can stroll up to my local chai waala for a cup of tea which I don’t need to tell him how to make with how much sugar and which tea leaves, at what temperature etc etc. And while strolling I can hear the crazy birds chirping and crows caawing and see people all around me instead of being cooped up in a room like a tomb.

And that’s just the beginning! My cycle will be waiting for me in case I want to go to Landmark or the Oxford book store or to the local cheap restaurant where I will gorge myself on spicy delicacies instead of the bland veggie stuff I’ve been trying to eat all this while. And of course if I fall sick I can go get my own medicines from the drug store without getting a “prescription”. Or if I do have to go to a doctor, I can get by with a Rs. 200 consultation fee instead of a $200 one!

My wife can then buy a “normal” unlocked and unsubsidized phone into which she can shove in the SIM card of her choice without being bound down to a two year contract. And as I walk down the street, I will see houses of different shapes and sizes – some of them deliciously unkept with crumbling walls and overgrown lawns instead of the sanitized pseudo fairyland I’ve gotten used to over the past 1.25 years. Never again will I have to “check the weather” before any outdoor activity and see the wind conditions!

And of course, there will be people on the road. Jobless old men squatting down, drinking tea, and even professionals coming out of their offices for a smoke or for lunch. And as evening dawns, my wife and I can go to Baskin robbins on our bike, and from there we can go to Spencer Plaza (a typical American mall it is NOT!) or even Marina beach – which I hear has been done up nicely in our absence. Or we can sit at home and order spicy goodies from our two or three local restaurants who know us over the phone and will ask us where we’ve been all this time!

In short, we’re going home baby!

Similar Posts:

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A while ago, I reviewed Wizard’s First Rule and later decided to read the whole series by Terry Goodkind. While there were some good points to it, I have no hesitation in saying that the latter half was predominantly bad. Now that all eleven books are over, I can pronounce my judgment. Unlike the Wheel of Time, I’m going to start with the bad since it stands out so much. In case you’re wondering why I went through and read eleven books, it’s because once you read the first 4 books, you have to know what happens!

Note: No specific spoilers here, but only a general commentary on the series.

The Ugly

Several things bug me about this series. One of them is that each book makes use of the same themes over and over again. For example, Terry Goodkind seems to be completely obsessed with people getting captured. In the course of the series, every single good guy has been rendered helpless in the hands of the enemy at least once, and many of them more than once. Each book contains people getting captured and then escaping. I’ve lost count of how many times the main protagonist (Richard) has been rendered helpless by someone or the other.

Sword of Truth - Eleven Books

Also, Richard is somehow or the other deliberately crippled in each of the books. Either he gets debilitating headaches, or he’s prevented from using his gift (or forbidden from doing so), or he’s losing his magic or whatever. As a result, we never get to see him at his full potential as a war wizard.

And what’s with everyone being tired? I mean does no one sleep in the books? Whenever we see Richard, we hear about how he hasn’t slept well for weeks – or any of the main protagonists for that matter (Zedd is the only exception. He’s my favorite character). Another means by which Goodkind incapacitates his heroes. They’re always hungry or tired.

The next huge issue is the love story between Richard and Kahlan. Ok they’re in love. We GET IT! They behave like lovestruck teenagers. Whenever Kahlan isn’t present, Richard loses all capacity for thought and the world can go to hell. It’s sick. He doesn’t behave like an adult, but some moonstruck juvenile. Kahlan is a little (just about) better. At least she can operate cogently without Richard being around. Every book in the Sword of Truth series has to have at least one mandatory separation of Richard and Kahlan. Every single book. The two are so boring together that Goodkind is forced to pry them apart and thus provide the motivation for Richard to get off his butt and do something. Sometimes it seems that it’s the only thing that works.

Richard is supposed to be the most powerful wizard in 3,000 years and a war wizard to boot, and even at the end of the book, he still doesn’t know how to use his powers. Time and time again he gets an opportunity to learn about them from his Grandfather Zedd who’s the First Wizard of the land, and each time he throws away the opportunity – and for what? Yep – that’s right. To spend time with Kahlan. He doesn’t care that if he doesn’t learn, his gift will kill him. He just wants to be alone with Kahlan. But then hey! If he learns how to use his powers, he can actually ward off the threat from every Tom Dick and Harry who captures him! And we can’t have that can we? How will he get the motivation to rejoin Kahlan then hmm?

Just once in the series, he gets his wet dream. Kahlan is injured and she recuperates with him in a forest where it’s just the two of them. If it wasn’t for a nice evil sorceress who stole Richard away, he’d still be cuddling with her in his wooden shack in isolation. A pathetic hero to say the least.

I’ve saved the worst for the last. After the fifth book or so Richard who’s supposed to be the Seeker of Truth, mutates into the Preacher of Truth. Pages and pages (and pages) of the books are devoted to long winded black and white monologues by Richard who suddenly gets a Christ complex. The funniest part is that after dozens of pages of monologue, his listeners instead of going to sleep or throwing a rotten egg at him, stroke their chins and say “Y’know? I wish I had thought of that!” As if you can change a person’s entire nature by just boring them to death. I mean who talks like that? Goodkind tries to stuff his sickeningly righteous Ayn Rand bullshit down the throats of his readers over and over again. And then he does it again for good measure. Richard, who’s originally a nice sort of guy becomes this holier than thou – Oh I’m so wise and all knowing – jerk.

One final aspect of the entire series. What’s up with Richard losing his sword all the time? I mean I know that Goodkind has to do his usual thing of incapacitating his hero again and again, but why even bother to link the sword to Richard if just about anyone can take it and use it? Richard is separated from his sword over and over again (and Zedd even castigates him for it) – makes him seem careless you know what I mean?

Also, the whole Sisters of the Light concept was a knockoff of Robert Jordan’s Aes Sedai – complete with Sisters of the Dark resembling the Black Ajah.

The villains in the books also seem to be blessed with good luck. Somehow, the main evil guy (Jagang) repeatedly gets his hand on the rarest books in existence when they’ve been sitting right under the noses of the good guys all along. I mean his luck is simply unbelievable. All the books have a theme where things are going really really bad for the good guys and then in the last 100 pages or so, Richard the Preacher of Truth saves everyone with some jiggery pokery.

The Good

There are several really nice interesting characters in the book. They provide a refreshing break from the two main boring ones. Zedd, the First Wizard and Richard’s grandfather is the most entertaining, powerful and nicest old man in the series. Adie, the blind sorceress is an excellent complement. Nathan the powerful 1000 year old prophet is also a commanding character, but he doesn’t get much onscreen time unfortunately.

For me, the best concept was a set of scary guards called the Mord Sith. Fantastic addition. They really gave the entire series a breath of fresh air.

The villains were quite decent, though not as good as the one in Runelords (The villain called Darken Rahl however, was the match of Raj Ahten). I wish there were more good things to say about the books. I really do. After all, I spent a lot of time reading all eleven books. But I don’t feel sad that it’s over – unlike with the Wheel of Time series, or Runelords. I just feel relieved.

Similar Posts:

• The Gathering Storm (Full) – Book Review – November 4, 2009
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Have a book to read
Nice to know it’s always there
Subconscious presence

Similar Posts:

• Early Haiku poetry – September 29, 2006
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So I decided to plunge into Anne Rice’s world of vampires once again. I felt I had to get those stupid wimpy Twilight vampires that sparkle in the sun out of my head! Of course, I was a bit wary after her last book “Memnoch the Devil” began to show her increasingly christian themes which I didn’t care about.

But Armand has always been such a mysterious figure for me that I thought it would be real neat to find out more about him. And overall I wasn’t disappointed. Lots about the supercool and ancient Marius as well as some nice reunions with old friends like Louis, Pandora and David (Lestat is in some kind of stupor on the floor throughout). But there was also a lot of the heavy christian stuff as well. Not very surprising in this book given Armand’s initial christian upbringing.

Image Credit: endovalswhisper.blogspot.com

Armand - A Devil in an Angel's skin

I found myself glazing over large tracts of text about jesus and god and about how he loved everyone – blah blah. Get to the cool vampiric stuff already! But as I said, we find out all about Armand and his relations with Marius – including sexual ones. Oh didn’t I mention that? There’s sex. Lots of it- and explicit. With Armand being at the center of it all. He coolly frolics with men and women alike showing no particular preference for one over the other. Marius of course, being a vampire can’t screw in the traditional way but there are plenty of kisses, as well as handjobs and (not so subtly) implied blowjobs.

But it’s all done very artistically in Anne Rice’s impeccable style. It’s very refined and naturally we can’t imagine Marius being coarse. He finds Armand irresistible, as does everyone else apparently and Armand is mightily pleased about the whole situation.

So if you’re comfortable with skipping over tedious christian themes, and you want read more about Rice’s awesome vampires, then get a hold of this book. Lots of succulent backstory that you would no doubt be thirsting for (no pun intended) after finishing her big trio – “Interview with a Vampire”, “The Vampire Lestat” and “Queen of the Damned.”

Oh and one more thing – those who’ve seen the movie “Queen of the Damned”, please please forget it. The book is nothing like it. The movie is quite simply pathetic and my wife and I almost puked while watching it. “Don’t judge a book by its movie” seems to be the latest mantra these days, and it applies in this case particularly well.

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