5 reasons why I won’t tip you if you’re a waiter

It never fails to shock me how a tip is demanded in the US. People simply refuse to listen to reason when we (yes, there are others!) tell them that leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Well, I’m hoping for too much here, but if you’re a waiter, here are 5 reasons why I will try my best not to give any money to you and why the reasons for tipping are crappy.

1. You act as if you’re my best friend

Just leave me alone ok? I don’t want to bloody chit chat with you. I want food. FOOD! Get it? It’s a restaurant. I go there to eat. I go because I want either Italian food, Chinese Food or something else which I can’t get in a McDonald’s. So I come to a restaurant to fulfill my cravings for it. I will pay for what I value – food. Not you.

Christ, you offend me – kneeling down next to my table, pretending to like me and chatting as if you’re my best friend when it’s obvious that all you’re after is the tip! I’m not a bloody money bag you know. I will pay the bill which includes the cost of the food, the environment and the salaries of the people involved – nothing more.

The only way to get money out of me that I don’t have to legally pay is by prying it out of my cold dead hands…

Bottom line: I don’t want to know your name, or interact with you for any longer than I have to in order to place my order. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the equivalent of a conveyor belt that brings me my food and a computer into which I input my order. Of course, I won’t be rude. But don’t expect me to interact with you any more than I would with some stranger.

Image Credit: cafemama

 

Did you earn this tip?

 

2. You don’t get paid enough

And this is my problem how exactly? It’s astonishing that customers are expected to make up for your employer’s cheapness in not paying you a decent wage. Please include the full cost in everyone’s bill thank you very much. I’ll pay it because I have to and the charge is there for me to see.

What’s really funny here is that no one seems to criticize the employers! All criticism is reserved for non tipping customers instead of the owners of the restaurant for not paying a decent wage. Wtf! Could it possibly be because you guys know you can make much more by tips and under report your income to the IRS?

3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?

And I’ll shoot your kid if you don’t give me a million dollars. Seriously, am I even hearing this right? You’re actually using the threat of blackmail to make me pay you? Well as long as you’re openly claiming to be a criminal it’s all right I guess.

Fortunately that’s why I prefer buffets. Listen apart from it being illegal, this shows your poor integrity. But if you spit in someone’s food because they didn’t give you money you didn’t earn, then you’re a loser and deserve to be a waiter for the rest of your life.

4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra

Did you cook it? Did you invent it? No. You picked it up and brought it to me. While it might not be easy, there are plenty of jobs which are much worse – shop floor workers for example. And I’ve been a shop floor manager, so I know. Face it – compared to other jobs, being a waiter is unskilled. You get paid what the market will think your services are worth. You don’t deserve more for your work over and above what your employer should pay you.

5. Money doesn’t grow on trees

I expect you to be grateful and pray for me at night if I tip you 10%. Be happy I gave you anything at all. I worked for the money in my wallet and by giving you some I didn’t have to, I’m doing you a favor. Learn to remember that when people give you something they don’t need to, it’s a favor. You don’t complain that they didn’t give you more!

By the way, the same thing above applies to all professions that demand tips including those on cruise liners.

So now that you understand why I won’t give you money you don’t deserve, stop with the “oh how could you?” attitude. I can. And I will.

Update: Here’s a rebuttal of the many silly justifications for tipping that people have given in the comments section.

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Comments

  1. Allen DSouza says:

    1. I absolutely agree that waiters and waitresses deserve a decent wage, maybe even above the minimum wage. Most of them work hard. But the biggest benefitter of their hard work is not the diner but the business owner who is making the profits. Average Joes get a just wage, sloppiness gets the pink slip and only those who go above and beyond get the variable pay/bonus/tip – that should be the rule. Why should a waiter/waitress have to rely on superlative service to just get the federal minimum wage? Minimum service equals minimum wage and the employer must pay that. That would require amending the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA).

    2. Even with the way FLSA stands right now, a worker must be paid an hourly wage not below the greatest of federal and local minimum wage limits, after adding all tips. If the restaurant owner blames the diner for a waiter’s wage falling below the minimum wage, then he/she is cashing on the waiter’s ignorance. If you are such a waiter, you must consult a labor attorney on how you could sue for unpaid wages and then some more.

    Reply

    • What a joke says:

      In reply to Allen DSouza

      I’m confused about your views on point 1. A waiter/watiress doesn’t have to rely on superlative service to get the federal minimum. Per part 2, they legally get the federal minimum.

      Also, I’d never consider it hard work, unless you’re comparing it to sitting around collecting welfare or something. The fact that it’s active (sometimes) in no way makes it difficult. It certainly isn’t intellectually challenging. The reason it pays so little is because that is what people are willing to accept for the work. That’s pretty much how every wage/salary works. That quite literally means that’s what the work is worth.

      Reply

      • Allen DSouza says:

        In reply to What a joke

        What I meant was the minimum wage should be paid for just doing the minimum work and any exceptional service should cause the waiter’s wage to go beyond the minimum wage. That can happen if the employer pays the minimum wage without taking into account the tips received. Current system that is biased in favor of the employer may cause a waiter providing exceptional service to just get minimum wage, just like another waiter doing the bare minimum. Using a customer-initiated variable incentive for good performance to meet an employer’s statutory obligation of a minimum wage is unfair for any worker, in my opinion.

        Reply

      • What a joke says:

        In reply to Allen DSouza

        The current system isn’t biased in favor of the employer. It specifically says that any laws that vary on a state level that are more beneficial to the employee apply in place of federal.

        The current system exists because of the tipping mentality. The reason employers are allowed to use the tip credit is because of the fact servers get paid tips. It’s not the other way around – with servers getting tips to make up for the tip credit. Basically, the idea is the job is worth a certain amount, and even the government views tipping as basically “taking out the middle man.” If people would simply stop tipping, then servers would get a standard wage just like everyone else.

        That’s not going to happen so long as American servers believe their work is worth more than it is, like the rest of the world already knows.

        Reply

    • In reply to Allen DSouza

      Waiters and waitresses should never make a good wage. The job is simple and unskilled. Get a real job if you want to enjoy the finer things in life.
      Your life is meant to be poor and miserable if this is your job.

      Reply

  2. You’re a piece of shit! I bet you’re broke af I hope you suck dick on the shop floor forever you cheap scumbag. Go fuck your fay ugly wife

    Reply

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