5 reasons why I won’t tip you if you’re a waiter

It never fails to shock me how a tip is demanded in the US. People simply refuse to listen to reason when we (yes, there are others!) tell them that leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Well, I’m hoping for too much here, but if you’re a waiter, here are 5 reasons why I will try my best not to give any money to you and why the reasons for tipping are crappy.

1. You act as if you’re my best friend

Just leave me alone ok? I don’t want to bloody chit chat with you. I want food. FOOD! Get it? It’s a restaurant. I go there to eat. I go because I want either Italian food, Chinese Food or something else which I can’t get in a McDonald’s. So I come to a restaurant to fulfill my cravings for it. I will pay for what I value – food. Not you.

Christ, you offend me – kneeling down next to my table, pretending to like me and chatting as if you’re my best friend when it’s obvious that all you’re after is the tip! I’m not a bloody money bag you know. I will pay the bill which includes the cost of the food, the environment and the salaries of the people involved – nothing more.

The only way to get money out of me that I don’t have to legally pay is by prying it out of my cold dead hands…

Bottom line: I don’t want to know your name, or interact with you for any longer than I have to in order to place my order. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the equivalent of a conveyor belt that brings me my food and a computer into which I input my order. Of course, I won’t be rude. But don’t expect me to interact with you any more than I would with some stranger.

Image Credit: cafemama

 

Did you earn this tip?

 

2. You don’t get paid enough

And this is my problem how exactly? It’s astonishing that customers are expected to make up for your employer’s cheapness in not paying you a decent wage. Please include the full cost in everyone’s bill thank you very much. I’ll pay it because I have to and the charge is there for me to see.

What’s really funny here is that no one seems to criticize the employers! All criticism is reserved for non tipping customers instead of the owners of the restaurant for not paying a decent wage. Wtf! Could it possibly be because you guys know you can make much more by tips and under report your income to the IRS?

3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?

And I’ll shoot your kid if you don’t give me a million dollars. Seriously, am I even hearing this right? You’re actually using the threat of blackmail to make me pay you? Well as long as you’re openly claiming to be a criminal it’s all right I guess.

Fortunately that’s why I prefer buffets. Listen apart from it being illegal, this shows your poor integrity. But if you spit in someone’s food because they didn’t give you money you didn’t earn, then you’re a loser and deserve to be a waiter for the rest of your life.

4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra

Did you cook it? Did you invent it? No. You picked it up and brought it to me. While it might not be easy, there are plenty of jobs which are much worse – shop floor workers for example. And I’ve been a shop floor manager, so I know. Face it – compared to other jobs, being a waiter is unskilled. You get paid what the market will think your services are worth. You don’t deserve more for your work over and above what your employer should pay you.

5. Money doesn’t grow on trees

I expect you to be grateful and pray for me at night if I tip you 10%. Be happy I gave you anything at all. I worked for the money in my wallet and by giving you some I didn’t have to, I’m doing you a favor. Learn to remember that when people give you something they don’t need to, it’s a favor. You don’t complain that they didn’t give you more!

By the way, the same thing above applies to all professions that demand tips including those on cruise liners.

So now that you understand why I won’t give you money you don’t deserve, stop with the “oh how could you?” attitude. I can. And I will.

Update: Here’s a rebuttal of the many silly justifications for tipping that people have given in the comments section.

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Comments

  1. Hi guys,
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    Reply

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    Reply

  3. Article should have been “5 reasons I’m an awful, spoiled, self centered human being that does not know how to exist in society”

    Reply

  4. Craig Larsen says:

    Great post.

    Reply

  5. My family recently ate at a moderate priced restaurant for the second time. We didn’t leave a tip the last time we were there and had the same waiter again. I’m surprised his tiny little brain remembered us.
    So his way of getting back at us was to not clean dishes off the table. The table became very clogged with dishes. As he brought the main course he knocked over a lot of dishes and half the food he was carrying fell over. It crashed to the ground with food and glass everywhere. A full carafe of pinot noir fell as well. It splattered ruining a woman’s silk dress sitting nearby.
    The maître d’was just a few tables away when all this happened. He looked horrified and immediately started damage control. He told the waiter his employment is terminated as of now. He apologized for the build up of dishes on our table. The maître d’ comped our meal which included filet mignon, single malt scotch, wine and desserts. The woman’s dress would be replaced and their meal was comped as well.
    All of this was caused by an incompetent unskilled easily replaced waiter that thought he was special and entitled to a tip we never gave him.

    Reply

    • In reply to Godiva

      I find this whole thing very funny. This entire disaster was caused by a waiter that thinks he is something special. Although it was a hard lesson learned, the waiter just realized he is nothing more than a conveyor belt, and dirty dish jockey.

      Waiters are a dime a dozen and easily replaced. Wealthy regular customers are necessary for the success of any restaurant. The waiter found this out the hard way.

      Reply

  6. The truth sucks says:

    Waitress holiday checklist

    Buy illegal drugs
    Buy cheap booze
    Buy cigarettes
    Get more gross tattoos
    Add some freakish piercings
    Patch roof on trailer
    Buy second hand clothes
    Pick up welfare check
    Have more babies as a single mom
    Bitch about poor tips

    Reply

  7. 1. This is what the server is trained to do whether he or she expects you to tip or not. However if you politely ask them not to do this, they will probably be more than happy to comply. And by the way, the only people who work there who are salaried are the managers. If the servers were salaried, they wouldn’t be making a big fuss about tips.

    2. You’re right, it’s not your problem that they’re underpaid. However, part of why employers do this is because they know if they pay employees more, they’ll have to jack up the price of everything just to break even. Then they lose business because no one wants to spend that much money. So why are they a server? Well, there’s a number of reasons. Perhaps they’re a student trying to put themselves through school to better themselves. Or maybe they’re already done with school and doing this aside from having another job to pay off their student loans without going into debt. Or maybe they’re a single parent trying to make some extra income to support their kid(s). Whatever the reason, they’re relying on tips to survive. If you’ve ever been through any of things I listed, you should be able to understand why they get upset when people stiff them.

    3. I’ve worked in plenty of restaurants and the only time I ever saw anyone do anything like this was when I worked at McDonald’s and some guy was hitting on the cook’s girlfriend, who was working the drive-thru. Most of the time, when a server says they’re going to spit in a guests’ food, they’re really just speaking out of frustration, they don’t actually do it. Why do they get so frustrated? Any of the things I listed in #2 are a possibility.

    4. You’re right, they didn’t cook the food or invent it. But have you ever been a server? I’ve worked both on shop floor and in restaurants and I’m here to tell you, working the shop floor was gravy compared to working in a restaurant. Judging by the way you criticize servers, my guess is you’ve never been one. Otherwise, you’d know that being a server is more than just bringing food out. They also have to refill drinks, do math, run checks, grab lemon wedges, grab extra napkins, deal with rude people, deal with stupid people, restock glasses, refill ice, pick up trash, take trash out, make sure their section is clean, bus tables, deal with creeps and those who insist on offering unsolicited life advice, and try to remain calm all while holding their bladders and starving because they don’t have time to eat or use the bathroom. It’s also possible they have friends and family they want to see but can’t because they’re working all the time. Still think it’s pretty unskilled? Here are some other skills being a server teaches you: sales pitching, people skills, time management, problem solving, money handling, multitasking, heavy lifting, good memory, good overall coordination, setting up tables, public speaking, and ability to work well under pressure and in a fast paced environment. Can you think of any other job that teaches those skills? For that reason, many employers will hire anyone with a server background. I dare you to say being server is unskilled now.

    5. You’re right, money doesn’t grow on trees. Which may be why your server is a server. While you are within your rights to stiff the server, please keep this in mind- many restaurants pool their tips. So if you stiff the server, you’re probably stiffing the host, the bartender, other servers, and the busser. Also like I said, if they’re a single parent, they may be doing this to support their kid(s). So if you stiff the server, you’re more than likely stiffing other people who are also relying on tips to survive (especially their children who need food to be healthy and unfortunately, food cost money).

    So now that you understand that there are plenty of reasons to be a server other than not doing well in school and you still don’t tip the server or if you continue to criticize servers, you’re just being a jerk. And not that it’s any of my business, but if you can’t afford to tip, you probably shouldn’t be going out to eat.

    Reply

    • In reply to megan

      You make federal minimum wage you’re already overpaid. This is the reason why a tip is never necessary. You took this unskilled simple low-paying job, that’s your problem. If you want a job that pays more money, then earn a college degree and get a better job.

      Reply

    • In reply to megan

      When you told us waiting tables was skilled and difficult I could not stop laughing!!! Your job is so easy that’s why teenagers do it as a first job. When teenagers become adults they stop waiting tables and get real jobs. Looks like you did not get that memo.

      Reply

    • In reply to megan

      Being a server is un skilled.

      Reply

  8. If you think being a waitress is a difficult skilled job. You will never be anything but a lowlife poor waitress your entire life. You should remain a waitress because you won’t be able to handle a real job with real grownup responsibilities.

    Reply

  9. Let me tell you the reason I’m a waitress. I did not do very well in school but I did try. I’m not really good at anything. I have no college or skills that can make me money. Lucky for me im thin and big chested. It really helps me getting tips. There is nothing else I know how to do to pay the bills. I’m not proud of my job but I’m not smart enough or have skills to do any job that is much better.

    Reply

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