5 reasons why I won’t tip you if you’re a waiter

It never fails to shock me how a tip is demanded in the US. People simply refuse to listen to reason when we (yes, there are others!) tell them that leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Well, I’m hoping for too much here, but if you’re a waiter, here are 5 reasons why I will try my best not to give any money to you and why the reasons for tipping are crappy.

1. You act as if you’re my best friend

Just leave me alone ok? I don’t want to bloody chit chat with you. I want food. FOOD! Get it? It’s a restaurant. I go there to eat. I go because I want either Italian food, Chinese Food or something else which I can’t get in a McDonald’s. So I come to a restaurant to fulfill my cravings for it. I will pay for what I value – food. Not you.

Christ, you offend me – kneeling down next to my table, pretending to like me and chatting as if you’re my best friend when it’s obvious that all you’re after is the tip! I’m not a bloody money bag you know. I will pay the bill which includes the cost of the food, the environment and the salaries of the people involved – nothing more.

The only way to get money out of me that I don’t have to legally pay is by prying it out of my cold dead hands…

Bottom line: I don’t want to know your name, or interact with you for any longer than I have to in order to place my order. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the equivalent of a conveyor belt that brings me my food and a computer into which I input my order. Of course, I won’t be rude. But don’t expect me to interact with you any more than I would with some stranger.

Image Credit: cafemama

 

Did you earn this tip?

 

2. You don’t get paid enough

And this is my problem how exactly? It’s astonishing that customers are expected to make up for your employer’s cheapness in not paying you a decent wage. Please include the full cost in everyone’s bill thank you very much. I’ll pay it because I have to and the charge is there for me to see.

What’s really funny here is that no one seems to criticize the employers! All criticism is reserved for non tipping customers instead of the owners of the restaurant for not paying a decent wage. Wtf! Could it possibly be because you guys know you can make much more by tips and under report your income to the IRS?

3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?

And I’ll shoot your kid if you don’t give me a million dollars. Seriously, am I even hearing this right? You’re actually using the threat of blackmail to make me pay you? Well as long as you’re openly claiming to be a criminal it’s all right I guess.

Fortunately that’s why I prefer buffets. Listen apart from it being illegal, this shows your poor integrity. But if you spit in someone’s food because they didn’t give you money you didn’t earn, then you’re a loser and deserve to be a waiter for the rest of your life.

4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra

Did you cook it? Did you invent it? No. You picked it up and brought it to me. While it might not be easy, there are plenty of jobs which are much worse – shop floor workers for example. And I’ve been a shop floor manager, so I know. Face it – compared to other jobs, being a waiter is unskilled. You get paid what the market will think your services are worth. You don’t deserve more for your work over and above what your employer should pay you.

5. Money doesn’t grow on trees

I expect you to be grateful and pray for me at night if I tip you 10%. Be happy I gave you anything at all. I worked for the money in my wallet and by giving you some I didn’t have to, I’m doing you a favor. Learn to remember that when people give you something they don’t need to, it’s a favor. You don’t complain that they didn’t give you more!

By the way, the same thing above applies to all professions that demand tips including those on cruise liners.

So now that you understand why I won’t give you money you don’t deserve, stop with the “oh how could you?” attitude. I can. And I will.

Update: Here’s a rebuttal of the many silly justifications for tipping that people have given in the comments section.

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Comments

  1. Fuck you says:

    Dear everyone who doesn’t tip,

    You are all fucking assholes and your reasons are bullshit. If you want a ducking conveyer belt buy your food precompiled at a grocery store and if you don’t want to tip go to fucking McDonald’s. For those of you who don’t know God then die and go to hell bastards or find his grace to become good people. I hope you can’t sleep at night.

    Sincerely the woman who hopes a waitress drops your food on you next time. (Or ruins your expensive phone by spilling water on it) KARMA!!!!!

    Reply

    • What a joke says:

      In reply to Fuck you

      Good Christians don’t talk like that you you know.

      “Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe, and place such men over the people as chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens.” – Ezekiel 22:27

      Tipping is bribery or extortion, depending on how you look at it. It isn’t charity.

      Reply

    • In reply to Fuck you

      You chose a ridiculous unskilled job. You act like a child thinking the world owes you sonething. Your reasoning that you deserve extra money in the form of a tip is laughable.
      Since you mentioned it, you really are nothing but a simple conveyor belt You add nothing to the meal servant boy. You are not important or needed. Be happy I even acknowledged your presence during the meal.

      Reply

  2. I have to pay taxes on your food as well as tipping my co-workers out based on food sales. If you dont tip at least 10% it comes out of my pocket here in california. Today i made ten dollars but had to claim 17 due to my sales thanks to the people who leave me nothing on a $70 bill.

    Reply

    • What a joke says:

      In reply to Mary

      “I have to pay taxes on your food
      ..”
      No, you don’t. I pay taxes on my food. You have to pay taxes on tips you receive because they are income, just like anyone else. If you or your employer are misrepresting your tips that’s illegal and not my problem.

      “…as well as tipping my co-workers out based on food sales.”

      You can only contribute tips to a tip pool for it to be legal, and only people who are legally considered to receive tips can participate, and no members of management. Otherwise it isn’t a valid tip pool and your boss can’t claim the tip credit.

      “If you dont tip at least 10% it comes out of my pocket here in california.
      Today i made ten dollars but had to claim 17 due to my sales thanks to the people who leave me nothing on a $70 bill.”

      Absolutely false. California minimum wage is $10.50 per hour. Federal law says that between tips and wages you must average that, or your employer must make up the difference. Your employer may not claim more tip credit than would bring your hourly income with tips to the state minimum (since it is higher than Federal). If you refuse to stand up for your legal rights that’s your probablem, but it is not the customer’s responsibility to make up for it. If you don’t like it, don’t keep working there.

      Reply

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