5 reasons why I won’t tip you if you’re a waiter

It never fails to shock me how a tip is demanded in the US. People simply refuse to listen to reason when we (yes, there are others!) tell them that leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Well, I’m hoping for too much here, but if you’re a waiter, here are 5 reasons why I will try my best not to give any money to you and why the reasons for tipping are crappy.

1. You act as if you’re my best friend

Just leave me alone ok? I don’t want to bloody chit chat with you. I want food. FOOD! Get it? It’s a restaurant. I go there to eat. I go because I want either Italian food, Chinese Food or something else which I can’t get in a McDonald’s. So I come to a restaurant to fulfill my cravings for it. I will pay for what I value – food. Not you.

Christ, you offend me – kneeling down next to my table, pretending to like me and chatting as if you’re my best friend when it’s obvious that all you’re after is the tip! I’m not a bloody money bag you know. I will pay the bill which includes the cost of the food, the environment and the salaries of the people involved – nothing more.

The only way to get money out of me that I don’t have to legally pay is by prying it out of my cold dead hands…

Bottom line: I don’t want to know your name, or interact with you for any longer than I have to in order to place my order. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the equivalent of a conveyor belt that brings me my food and a computer into which I input my order. Of course, I won’t be rude. But don’t expect me to interact with you any more than I would with some stranger.

Image Credit: cafemama


Did you earn this tip?


2. You don’t get paid enough

And this is my problem how exactly? It’s astonishing that customers are expected to make up for your employer’s cheapness in not paying you a decent wage. Please include the full cost in everyone’s bill thank you very much. I’ll pay it because I have to and the charge is there for me to see.

What’s really funny here is that no one seems to criticize the employers! All criticism is reserved for non tipping customers instead of the owners of the restaurant for not paying a decent wage. Wtf! Could it possibly be because you guys know you can make much more by tips and under report your income to the IRS?

3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?

And I’ll shoot your kid if you don’t give me a million dollars. Seriously, am I even hearing this right? You’re actually using the threat of blackmail to make me pay you? Well as long as you’re openly claiming to be a criminal it’s all right I guess.

Fortunately that’s why I prefer buffets. Listen apart from it being illegal, this shows your poor integrity. But if you spit in someone’s food because they didn’t give you money you didn’t earn, then you’re a loser and deserve to be a waiter for the rest of your life.

4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra

Did you cook it? Did you invent it? No. You picked it up and brought it to me. While it might not be easy, there are plenty of jobs which are much worse – shop floor workers for example. And I’ve been a shop floor manager, so I know. Face it – compared to other jobs, being a waiter is unskilled. You get paid what the market will think your services are worth. You don’t deserve more for your work over and above what your employer should pay you.

5. Money doesn’t grow on trees

I expect you to be grateful and pray for me at night if I tip you 10%. Be happy I gave you anything at all. I worked for the money in my wallet and by giving you some I didn’t have to, I’m doing you a favor. Learn to remember that when people give you something they don’t need to, it’s a favor. You don’t complain that they didn’t give you more!

By the way, the same thing above applies to all professions that demand tips including those on cruise liners.

So now that you understand why I won’t give you money you don’t deserve, stop with the “oh how could you?” attitude. I can. And I will.

Update: Here’s a rebuttal of the many silly justifications for tipping that people have given in the comments section.

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  1. lame says:

    How about….If you don’t agree with the way the ‘service’ industry is ran….dont….go…out…to…eat. Obviously none of you ignorant douche twats have never worked in a restaurant nor understand how they operate….Restaurants that offer good food do so at very limited profit margins. The restaurants simply cannot afford to pay their serving staff 12 more dollars an hour. ..If they did…they would not exist. So. That’s the way it is….it has to be that way..If you don’t understand that or want to deal with that then don’t go out to eat… Or do…and don’t tip.. I don’t give a shit

    .but at least understand why you are paying for gratuity. …it’s so the restaurants you frequent can make money and stay open.

    Fucking idiots.

    • Steve says:

      You are the idiot if you think you’re worth $12 an hour. Your job doesn’t need any training, any fool can do it. You are not paid that much money because you’re not worth it. Two dollars an hour still seems like you’re overpaid. People like you think they’re entitled the world owes you nothing. If you don’t like it get a job you don’t have to be embarrassed about.

  2. Job recruiter says:

    Requirements if you want to be a waiter, waitress. (Table bitch) :

    Must be lazy
    Don’t worry if your a high school dropout
    Live in a trailer park or be able to tell people you have a hard life
    I’m going to college
    Not everybody can go to college
    Must be stupid but you’re considering this job so consider that a given
    Know the difference between ketchup and mustard
    Can walk from the kitchen to the table without getting lost
    Actually think this is a real job
    Relying on the kindness of others to pay your bills
    Have no pride
    Tell people you have plans for your life but really this is all you can hope for
    Congratulations your lack of skills and intelligence verifies your qualifications for this position

    • cris says:

      You literally are an idiot. You obviously have no idea what being a server entails. Know the difference between mustard and ketchup? More like knowing every item on the menu, where the ingredients come from, and how it is prepared. That is not the difficult part though…because there is the working 14 hour shifts, weekends, holidays. You go home at night with your feet and head pounding, but it is ok because the gratitude your customers expressed for your service makes you feel like you made their nights better. I am a college graduate and worked in restaurants through college. You are really just ridiculous.

      • Barney says:

        Just a typical unskilled job. Have to know the ingredients in the menu big deal. Work long shifts that’s what happens when you have a job that requires no skills.

  3. Calling bs says:

    This is just to piss people off. It is common knowledge that wait staff makes less than $3 an hour because they work for tips.

  4. Ted Debiase says:

    Bhagvad Prickwad.

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