It never fails to shock me how a tip is demanded in the US. People simply refuse to listen to reason when we (yes, there are others!) tell them that leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Well, I’m hoping for too much here, but if you’re a waiter, here are 5 reasons why I will try my best not to give any money to you and why the reasons for tipping are crappy.
1. You act as if you’re my best friend
Just leave me alone ok? I don’t want to bloody chit chat with you. I want food. FOOD! Get it? It’s a restaurant. I go there to eat. I go because I want either Italian food, Chinese Food or something else which I can’t get in a McDonald’s. So I come to a restaurant to fulfill my cravings for it. I will pay for what I value – food. Not you.
Christ, you offend me – kneeling down next to my table, pretending to like me and chatting as if you’re my best friend when it’s obvious that all you’re after is the tip! I’m not a bloody money bag you know. I will pay the bill which includes the cost of the food, the environment and the salaries of the people involved – nothing more.
The only way to get money out of me that I don’t have to legally pay is by prying it out of my cold dead hands…
Bottom line: I don’t want to know your name, or interact with you for any longer than I have to in order to place my order. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the equivalent of a conveyor belt that brings me my food and a computer into which I input my order. Of course, I won’t be rude. But don’t expect me to interact with you any more than I would with some stranger.
Image Credit: cafemama
2. You don’t get paid enough
And this is my problem how exactly? It’s astonishing that customers are expected to make up for your employer’s cheapness in not paying you a decent wage. Please include the full cost in everyone’s bill thank you very much. I’ll pay it because I have to and the charge is there for me to see.
What’s really funny here is that no one seems to criticize the employers! All criticism is reserved for non tipping customers instead of the owners of the restaurant for not paying a decent wage. Wtf! Could it possibly be because you guys know you can make much more by tips and under report your income to the IRS?
3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?
And I’ll shoot your kid if you don’t give me a million dollars. Seriously, am I even hearing this right? You’re actually using the threat of blackmail to make me pay you? Well as long as you’re openly claiming to be a criminal it’s all right I guess.
Fortunately that’s why I prefer buffets. Listen apart from it being illegal, this shows your poor integrity. But if you spit in someone’s food because they didn’t give you money you didn’t earn, then you’re a loser and deserve to be a waiter for the rest of your life.
4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra
Did you cook it? Did you invent it? No. You picked it up and brought it to me. While it might not be easy, there are plenty of jobs which are much worse – shop floor workers for example. And I’ve been a shop floor manager, so I know. Face it – compared to other jobs, being a waiter is unskilled. You get paid what the market will think your services are worth. You don’t deserve more for your work over and above what your employer should pay you.
5. Money doesn’t grow on trees
I expect you to be grateful and pray for me at night if I tip you 10%. Be happy I gave you anything at all. I worked for the money in my wallet and by giving you some I didn’t have to, I’m doing you a favor. Learn to remember that when people give you something they don’t need to, it’s a favor. You don’t complain that they didn’t give you more!
By the way, the same thing above applies to all professions that demand tips including those on cruise liners.
So now that you understand why I won’t give you money you don’t deserve, stop with the “oh how could you?” attitude. I can. And I will.
Update: Here’s a rebuttal of the many silly justifications for tipping that people have given in the comments section.
I wont insult you.. just because i don’t like wasting my time. but i’m happy most of my Indian customers that come and join me at my tables, that i kneel next to and tell my name to and end up striking a friendship with and be invited to their house, know better about manners than you. I work in the “industry” and i always say the same thing to everybody that comes to me with your arguments. But in your case i’ll answer each one.
1. I’m not your friend. And i won’t be because i can tell a good person from a bad one.. but if you don’t intend to tip or are bothered by the kneeling or even introducing ourselves with out names.. we are not born with the power of telepathy.. say something and we’ll know how to behave. There might be people that would do something to your food, but most people i know will take your order, bring your food and bill and be happy when you won’t sit around after the 10 minutes needed for you to finish your food. And for sure i know they’ll be happy when your besharam a$$ gets out and lets a paying customer in.
2. No, we don’t.. and i don’t agree with the system either. But it is what it is and the moment you step into a establishment that pays their employees 2.13$/hour, it needs to be clear in your head that you’re supporting this unfair system. You don’t want to? Prove that you’re a human being with some respect for other’s work and only support businesses that pay their employees fairly and make sure you tell the others why you wont frequent them anymore…………… somehow i’m sure that’s too much work for you, you’d rather bitch online about tipping instead of doing something about changing the system.
3. i know a lot of people that would say that to you online but wouldn’t bother to spend their spit on you. So drop it and get off that mighty horse you think you’re standing upon. You don’t have the moral capital to be able to pass judgement on others, much less on people that work as hard as some servers i know, including me.. when you can walk in my shoes for a few miles, then have the courage to have an opinion about what YOU THINK my job is like and HOW SMART i am to be able to do it. You don’t know someone else’s situation to be in the position to pass judgement.
4. This point doesn’t even deserve an answer, but… i’m curious if suddenly you became notorious with all the servers in your city and found it hard to get someone to serve you.. how hard would it be to get your order taken, your drink filled and your food brought over?? Maybe i should take it upon myself to make sure i put your face all over facebook, specially in your city.. hmmm at least people would know what to expect when they see you walking through the doors.
5. I’ll pray that Christ mellows that wooden heart and teaches you about respecting your neighbor and about generosity. Meanwhile, i’ll continue being a good person and tip for the service i get, knowing i’ll never know exactly how my server feels. He might be sick, he might be hurt, in pain, heartbroken, might have a parent that has just passed and couldn’t travel for the funeral. I’m telling you this because I’ve worked through all that. I’ve had people like you at my tables. I don’t pray for them or you. I smile and know i’m better than you and all the friends I’ve made over the years at my work are infinitely better people than you. Keep your money and may it show you one day that money doesn’t matter. But people will always know the kind of person you are by the way you treat the persons that serves you. And when i say treat, I also mean tip. I, as a woman, always look at the way the guys i go on dates with tip. Because it says something about their character . So you might be able to justify your lack of character to yourself, but the rest of the world knows the kind of person you are.
In reply to Micaela
Here in Cali, employers pay their wait staff minimum wage (fed). So does Nevada. So that means i don’t have to tip in these 2 states, right?
Even so, you chose the position as a waiter. You knew what you were getting into. If you make $2.13/hour, it isn’t my problem.
Respect? This is commerce, not church. YOu get what you get. In business, it doesn’t matter. I pay you, you provide me the service. That is it. There is no “humanit” or “respect.” Its called capitalism buddy.
Quite frankly, i don’t care if you are a single parent with 10 kids living in South Central, a job is a job is a job is a job. How is your job different than the Best Buy kid? Here in Cali, best buy kids and wait staff make the same wage, so why can’t I tip the best buy kid (it is forbidden for your info)?
Work. Stop complaining. Be thankful you make $2.13/hour and not $0/hour like 8% of Americans.
In reply to Common Sense
U r moron…
In reply to Abc
That still won’t change my mind about tipping. If anything, and I don’t meant to be personal, a person that follows an outdated post WW1 tradition in the United States and ensures a current status quo of discrimination and acceptable money laundering/bribery and can sleep just fine at night is a moron.
Isn’t tipping just another form of money laundering or bribery? In Poland, you are supposed to tip your doctors by giving them gifts. What does that mean, if you don’t give them a tip, they will spit in your IV or spit in your guts when they perform surgery?
Tipping=bribery. How? You are ensuring yourselves in a discriminatory fashion that you get better service because you PAID OFF the wait staff in an earlier transaction. Nothing different than how they pay off police officers in South America.
Okay, I’ll admit. I’m a tipper… and sometimes I tend to overtip if I think the waitress/waiter served me VERY well. But there is a problem with people who find other people who do NOT tip are evil beings. Why is that? They have the RIGHT to NOT tip. It’s very immature to think like that. People think just because you do not tip, you are a horrible… horrible… person, which shouldn’t be the case. It is ridiculous to have that thought process. All because someone didn’t give you the right amount of tip (which you think you deserve) or if they didn’t tip at all. It does not make them a horrible person. Period.
In reply to random person
Totally. I agree with you a hundred percent! Thank you.
AWESOME ARTICLE! I actually agree with everything you wrote. Especially the first point! Ugh, I just really hate it when servers ask me, on one-minute intervals, “Is everything okay here?”, or “How’s everything going so far?”. And the worst of all, when I’m done with my food and ready to pay and leave, that’s when these insincere servers feel the need to ask me, “So, what are your plans for the evening?” .. Okay first of all, it’s so nice of you to act like you care. But really, not everybody is in the mood for a lousy, surface-level small talk that has no significant bearing to either you or the customer. Some of us actually just want to sit, eat and leave. And no! Don’t give me that “Well then go to McDonald’s” kind of response. I EAT WHEREVER THE HELL I WANT USING MY MONEY. Where I eat or don’t eat is none of your freaking business. And seriously? “Are you still doing okay here?” What is this, the hospital? I feel like I’m about to be taken into the ER everytime a server asks me this. So odd of a question that it perplexes me on so many levels. Oh and also, WHY IS IT THAT SO MANY SEVERS ACT LIKE TOTAL SNOBS? There are servers out there who look like they’re carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders everytime they see a customer coming in. What’s with the long face, darlings? Your job is to smile, act like you’re the bubbliest person in the entire universe, sit the customers, take their orders, give them their orders, come to them when they need something, and then they leave and you do the same thing until the end of your shift. If you can’t at least pretend that you love your job, you shouldn’t really be serving, sweetie. Because quite honestly, that is the number one reason why us customers don’t tip at times. LOUSY SERVICE.
Don’t get me wrong, tipping is a must. Everyone deserves an award for a job well done. But NOT ALL SERVERS deserve tips. We’re not stupid. We know who’s worthy of tips and who’s not worthy of any tip at all!
We are taxed on your tip whether you leave one or not, making all your 5 points irrelevant. I suggest you frequent the grocery store and dine at home.
In reply to JG
JG–in california, all staff receive minimum. Your taxes can be written off (trust me accountants do this all of the time). Also, your taxes are of no concern to me.
What is my concern?
Get me my food. Your ills mean nothing to me. I am a consumer in a capitalist market. If you made clothes in a non-air conditioned sweat shop, i really don’t care. Get me my shirt.
Welcome to capitalism buddy ;)
Guy: you’re a dipshit and a cheap motherfucker. Clearly you wrote this sad little self righteous blog post to antagonize people and garner a response so good job. If you’re such a misanthrope maybe you shouldn’t go out in public.
Think of your server as a liaison between you and the kitchen. When your order is incorrect its more often the server who has the back of house make it right before you even see it. The server works for both the establishment and the customer, its an implied contract in the US when you walk into a restaurant. If you don’t want to follow the social norms then don’t go out to eat, its pretty simple. I like tips, I get tipped very well (I average well over 20% at a small neighborhood pub) and bartending/serving is more fun than my previous job which required a college degree. I think you’re wrong, and that its unfortunate that people feel like those in the same industry as me are money grubbers. We work hard every day (night for me) and deserve to be paid for it.
In reply to DC Bartender
so what? the server is doing their job. A job is a job, right? Big deal.
How about I start tipping police officers so they serve me better?
alrighty. so I’m not leaving this comment because I believe it will change anyone’s minds about how to tip; I’m leaving it for my own therapeutic release. now that that’s out there: hahahahahahahaha. you’re opinion of servers (which includes me) is absolutely and utterly ridiculous. you said you see us as mere conveyer belts delivering you your food and you don’t want to be bored with mindless chit chat. well, if your are truly the smart one, far above us lowly servers in our state, why the fuck don’t you go to a place like panera or piada to get your food, WHERE YOU NEVER HAVE TO TIP ANYONE. (btw, some of those places even sell alcohol too, so you can drown yourself in the sorrows of your obviously miserable life you live). also, I would like to address your comment about how some servers “deserve to stay a server the rest of their lives”. oh what a terrible wish!! how sad and depressed and stupid those people must be to choose to do this for the rest of their lives!!! (I doubt you were smart enough to catch on there, but that was sarcasm). being a server isn’t a perfect job, but you make great money in a reasonable amount of time. the people who choose to serve as a profession are no less beneath you than someone who pays hundreds of thousands of dollars to attend college for their degree. serving is a legitimate job that pays off (most of the time) if you do it well. so don’t insult us with your ignorance by cursing people to a life of serving when there are people who choose that life for themselves. and onto my next point, serving is tough. case in point: you. I go to school full time, volunteer in my community, hold internships, all while working 30 hrs a week to pay my bills. so you see, I work so hard to give someone a good experience when they walk through the door. if they want to talk, I’ll talk. if they want to be left alone, then by golly I won’t bother them. but to assume that a sever already knows that you don’t want to talk to them is complete idiocy on your behalf. don’t believe me? see point 1. if you choose to go into a restaurant with living breathing people as servers, you may have to actually interact with them (gasp!) I know it sounds crazy (probably due to your obvious lack of brain power), but if you don’t want to talk to us, don’t come into our restaraunts and sit at our tables (because chances are, if you’re as big of an asshole in real life as you are in this article, then I never want to have to meet you, let alone kneel beside you to take your order). furthermore, have you ever served before a day in your life? obviously not. because if you had, you would have realized how difficult it is to have one table needing more breadsticks, the other who wants salad, the kids screaming at table 54 need more juice but table 52 has yet to order and the table who needs more bread is yelling your name across the restaraunt while you take 52’s order. according to a recent study, it is impossible for the brain to multitask. however, as a server, your bosses and customers couldn’t give less of a crap if they were constipated. serving is one of the most difficult (but rewarding) jobs you can have, which is why I expect to walk out with as much money as I do. I would love to put you in a restaurant during dinner rush with rude needy guests and five tables to take care of. I guarantee you that you’ll be sitting on the floor in the fetal position within the first half hour. and lastly, I enjoy my job. I’m currently going to school for social work, so I love people. I enjoy when I get to talk to my tables about their day and their children. I do NOT simply grovel at their feet for money. that sir (or ma’am. I can’t tell by the cluster fuck of letters that is your name) sounds a lot like you are equating me to a prositute. I act nice because I am nice (and so I don’t get fired). I’m not always just scheming to get your money. so before you go around making judgments upon other servers and spreading your misery around like the flu, take your tampon out and stop bitching about things you don’t understand. if you don’t want to tip, don’t waste my valuable time I can be using to make other people’s experience more enjoyable: go to panera.
In reply to leah
isn’t tipping similar to bribery? I mean what if I tip my local police officer? If you argue the whole “cultural norm” in South America, it IS customary to tip the police officer. If you don’t, they won’t serve you in the future.
We get a lot of stiffs in the taxi cab industry. I know what it feels like to be stiffed by low life scumbags like the clown in this post.now suspected stiffs take the long route period end of conversation I’m getting my tip one where the other.if I hear foreign accents or see Maple Leafs on the baggage when the doorman is loading the cab you go the long way I’m not like a food server I don’t wait until the end of my service to take my tips from you.you got alot of nerve calling people who provide good service criminals because they want you to do something you’re supposed to do.if your a known stiff and you go to a restaurant where you stiffed people before you deserve to have your silver rubbed on their balls.and that is exactly what servers do to known stiffs in restaurants…enjoy your meal my friends
In reply to william
Hunh. Just one more entitled dude who demands money that doesn’t belong to him.
If someone serves you its only right to tip them.I could never bring myself to stiff anyone who serves me.I would feel like a low life.this jal park clown obviously thinks there are some people he’s just better than and that he’s above following the customs of a country hes visiting.nobody forced you to come to the states.nobody made you go out to eat.you can always stay home and cook for yourself,serve yourself (I’m shure you’re use to that) and clean up after yourself.lucky for me I work in a service where I can choose how mutch I charge.I’m a cabbie in vegas and if I think you’re going to stiff me I’m going to put a little special sauce on your ride…I’m shure your servers are doing the same.and more power to them…
In reply to johnny cab
If someone serves me, it’s only right to pay them what I owe. Just like you pay your bill in Walmart and don’t go around tipping cashiers everywhere. If servers negotiated a shitty wage with their employers that’s hardly my problem.
Customs of a country are all fine as long as they don’t cost me money. I’ll eat with chopsticks in the east, bow instead of shaking hands, use whatever greeting is culturally acceptable etc. But as soon as money enter the picture…sorry man. You’re delusional if you think I’m going to give up cash just to follow a “culture”. That only goes so far.
In reply to Bhagwad Jal Park
Bhagwad,
To your point “There is no such thing as “tradition” understood as long standing practice, so deeply and objectively embedded in the culture that it cannot be extirpated without great damage to society and disturbance. The reality is less dramatic: traditions are narratives that justify power arrangements, especially of patriarchal nature. These are socially and discursively constructed devices designed to protect hierarchies and oppression from questioning and social change. To invoke tradition is to us it as a joker card that shuts down discussion and gives the holder an automatic win in favor of maintaining the status quo”( From http://globalsociology.com)
just dropped off another indian couple. They think they stiffed me… Little do they know, I took them on an extra long route and forced them to tip me around $20. I was chuckling as they walked away it was hilarious I hope they enjoyed their extra long ride.