Criminalizing marital rape is a no brainer. There’s no need for even the phrase “marital rape” to exist. We don’t have “marital murder” after all. It’s just murder. The relationship of the victim to the perpetrator is completely irrelevant. Son, daughter, husband, wife…these are all irrelevant. And yet…so many people seem to be against the very concept that a man can rape his wife. Even the government doesn’t think so. They think it’s not “genuine” rape. Why not? The definition of rape is “sex without consent”. How does the marital status enter the equation?
There are a few main lines of argument used against the idea of marital rape. First, that there’s no way to prove that it happened. While it’s true that there can difficulty collecting evidence, this is a red herring. Start by defining the crime, then we’ll think about how it should be proved. As of now, a man can openly claim in public that he violently rapes his wife all the time and the law cannot touch him! That is the problem.
Second, people say that when a woman gets married she agrees to have lifelong sex with her husband. That’s bullshit. A woman is not a personal sex slave. She will have sex with her husband if and when she feels like it. A wife is not a prostitute to whom a man pays money and gets to have sex with whenever he wants. If the man feels that his wife is not sexually active enough, he is more than welcome to sit down with her and talk about the problem and if nothing else works, apply for divorce. If he tries to force himself on her he is a criminal plain and simple regardless of what the shocking laws say. Sometimes the legal system is an ass and deserves to be ridiculed. This is one example.
Third, the government feels that the introduction of marital rape laws will “destroy marriage”. Let me point out that the government has no Constitutional mandate to protect marriage. It does however have the duty to protect the rights of its citizens! Which is more important?
Many are afraid that laws addressing marital rape will be abused by women much like the anti dowry one- section 498A. There is good reason to be concerned about this. But the solution is to have well drafted laws that are less amenable to abuse. Not to forgo the very idea of a legislation itself! We can shift far more of the burden of proof onto the person making the accusation for example because in a marriage, consent is presumed unless stated otherwise. I’m sure there are other legal safeguards we can come up with. But not having a law is unacceptable.
The true motive behind the opposition to marital rape might just be the resistance to a woman’s sexual autonomy. Men and even women are brought up with the idea that marriage is a license to have sex whenever the man wants. And that by refusing it, the woman is not doing her “duty”. Implicit in this line of reasoning is the notion that sex is not something that women enjoy. That they only do it for children and after that they don’t want it anymore. Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married! I mean what’s the point then, right?
I now understand what the government meant when it said they were “protecting marriage”. What they they’re defending is not marriage per se, but the warped idea of marriage that Indians have. For them, marriage is just a license to have socially accepted sex. Allowing women to say “no” takes that away from them. In the future, they might *gasp* actually have to try and be nice to the woman, make her feel wanted, and be romantic. You can’t treat her like dirt and still exercise a god given right to use her body when you want.
And that sense of entitlement is probably the true reason for this resistance.
I wish could reblog this post… let me quote and link.
In reply to Indian Homemaker
The more I think about it, the more this matter seems to be at the heart of how women are perceived in Indian society and of how men seem to get this sense of entitlement.
Criminalizing marital rape would I think be an extremely important step towards changing this mindset.
In reply to Indian Homemaker
Btw, I don’t mind you reblogging it either. Please go ahead!
In reply to bhagwad
There is no reblog button on your blog!
In reply to bhagwad
Bhagwad, I’d like to reblog this too.
Good one. will share the link
Actually I do not agree that opposition to marital rape is something that has anything to do with the “entitlement to sex” attitudes. The real issue is if the government is willing to change the law that actually defines what is rape.
Additionally, the new law is basically window dressing of older archaic laws with a bit more sterner language. Basically ‘Rape’ has be redefined as a solely a type of ‘physical assault’ and delink it with stupid issues like making men liable to marry women if they have had sex with them.
I seriously doubt the current government has any capacity to do the hardwork required to actually make big changes in the law regarding ‘rapes’. Bumping off sensitive accused rapists is a lot easier I guess.
In reply to Aditya Kane
I agree that the government is not willing to put in the hard work to properly define rape. I’ve been pointing out the absurdity of marriage as a “compensation” for rape for years now.
Having said that, we needn’t search too far to discern the motives of the government’s resistance to rape. They themselves admitted that it was to “protect marriage”. God knows what kind of marriage they envision where a husband can force himself on his wife with impunity.
“Many are afraid that laws addressing marital rape will be abused by women much like the anti dowry law – section 498A.”
Do we actually have statistics to show that 498A has been abused more than other laws, or is this just another ipse dixit statement that has been repeated so often that most people believe it to be true?
In reply to John
Actually the Supreme Court itself has commented on the huge number of cases of abuse of 498A. It’s certainly a problem and there’s no denying it.
The solution of course is to have better worded laws that limit the possibility of abuse. Not to do away with the concept of the crime itself!
In reply to bhagwad
Hi Bhagwad,
Huge number of cases doesn’t imply abuse, does it? It could just show huge number of Women coming forward to report the crime.
Is there proof of abuse of the law?
In reply to sarkywoman
Pretty much. The court specifically commented on the high number of cases of abuse of the law.
In reply to bhagwad
Oops… you did say huge number of cases of abuse… sorry! :P
(Men and even women are brought up with the idea that marriage is a license to have sex whenever the man wants.)
You used the word ‘Men’ instead of ‘some Men’. So you mean all men are mean and wicked, believe that wife is a sex slave, entitlement , blah,blah etc
Let me prove you wrong: Do you include you also in this ’Men’? No, because you wrote this ‘Men bashing’ blog and getting claps and appreciation. Congrats.
Ok, so I have already proved you wrong. At least there is one man i.e. you who is a good man.
But seriously, why do you think you are the only man (i.e. you) in the earth, who is good. Believe me, there are more.
Coming to the point.
I do not know why everyone writes big grammar explaining why marital rape is equally wrong and deserves punishment. Pl understand, there is no dispute that it is wrong, deserves punishment etc.
As you said, it is no brainer, but common sense.
Please discuss about making a proper law. Give observations and comment on proposed recommendations submitted to the Govt.
The opposition/apprehension is because of the problems if the law is made ‘exactly as recommended by feminists groups, the new law may end up being a new 498a. What it means is the accused is assumed to be guilty unless proved otherwise.
HAVE YOU SEEN ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD EXPECT INDIA WHERE THE ACCUSED IS ASSUMED GUILTY UNLESS PROVED OTHERWISE.
AGAIN THE ACCUSED HAS TO PROVE THAT HE IS INNOCENT.
So in case of marital rape, how he should prove consent. (please discuss this in your lengthy blogs, not why the marital rape is bad.)
THERE WON’T BE OPPOSITION IF THE LAW IS MADE FAIR. NO PROBLEM IF RAPE CHARGE IS INVESTIGATED, TRIED AND THEN IF PROVED GUILTY, LET THERE BE PUNISHMENT (LIFE TERM OR DEATH)
THERE WILL BE OPPOSITION IF THE LAW IS SIMILAR TO 498A. Wife says rape, man goes to jail, then the entire extortion chain starts …police, arrest,torture,lawyers, efforts for bail,…finally settlement till the man is squeezed out.
LET ME REPEAT,THE OPPOSITION IS ABOUT LAW PROVISIONS as demanded AND PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE OF BIASED LAWS. Not for fair trial and justice.
AND
DO NOT JUST RIDICULE ALL MEN (always use the word ‘some men’ instead of ‘men’ when delivering abuses)
In reply to Raj Ashok
No one has ever suggested that the man will be presumed guilty in marital rape cases. I don’t know where you got that absurd idea from.
I’ve already explained that it shouldn’t be like 498A in the post – perhaps you didn’t get to that point yet?
In reply to bhagwad
@ Raj Ashok
You have raised valid points here, but contrary to any other case of rape, a case where a man rapes his wife gets more complicated as the medical evidence would always be there. What is actually the crux of marital rape is to prove the lack of consent of the wife. But how do you prove consent? Or the lack of it?
@ Bhagwad
It is obvious that in many if not most cases of marital rape, the word of the wife will be taken to be final since medical evidence wouldn’t be of much use if the wife does not put up sufficient physical resistence. If the wife says she did not consent, it will have to be assumed since there is no way to find evidence for a consent. This holds true even for those non-marital rapes where the victim does not put up a physical resistence. So automatically, the accused will have to prove himself not guilty and will be considered guilty untill proved innocent.
Rape is not a medical diagnosis. It is a legal definition. And the burden of proof of consent lies with the accused and not the victim.
I also agree with Raj Ashok that it is just common sense to understand that marital rape is actually RAPE. And it should be handled like any other case of rape. What we should be discussing is the technicalities of differentiating rape from a consensual sexual intercourse within a marriage and not why marital rape is wrong. You explained that it shouldn’t be like 498a. But everyone knows that it shouldn’t. What is required is the discussion about the ways in which it should be different.
In reply to Anirudh
As I mentioned earlier, the issue of evidence comes after the criminalization. Say the husband openly admits to raping his wife and corroborates her account- you don’t need evidence then do you? As of now, even then he cannot be punished.
First let people know what is right and what is wrong. Then we’ll draw data from other countries and their legal systems if necessary to find out how to prove it.
Visiting via Shail’s link. This is such a wonderful commentary! Thanks so much!! I can think of nothing to add to this!!
I have a feeling statistics for marital rape are much higher in our country than we suspect. Every time someone says “this cannot be proved, this law can be misused”, I think there is a person who has the niggling knowledge at the back of his mind that he did indeed have non consensual sex with his wife at some point. The whole drama about “protecting marriage” is a charade for protecting oneself from being labelled a criminal.
He can then sleep peacefully knowing that he is a “good” person. A law abiding citizen. After raping his wife ofcourse.
In reply to Clueless
Quite possible.
But there are laws that are misused more than others – 489A of course being the famous one. Personally I object to it on the principle of fairness and not because I’m personally affected by it.
Nevertheless I’m sure your point holds true for quite a few people who are against the criminalization of marital rape.
Excellent analysis Bhagwad.
One reason a woman gives in to sex even if she doesnt want to have sex ; like if she is exhausted or her husband uses and abuses her, ( a woman like me can only enjoy sex if i know that my husband is a man of integrity ) is that she knows that if he doesnt get it from her he will become frustrated, then angry, abusive and finally may have it with someone else ! Its like a husband eating out because his wife doesnt cook for him.
A woman DOES NOT WANT HER HUSBAND TO NEED TO HAVE EX WITH ANYONE ELSE OR HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE so she tries her best to gives it to him. She expects him to understand why she might not want sex at some particular time, but when he doesnt, she DOES NOT PROTEST and gives it to him. So then it cannot be termed rape AND SO NOTHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT.
If a woman refuses and reports RAPE then that is the end of the marriage for her. No Indian man will live with the ignominy. Women ( like me ) do not marry lightly. It is a serous matter. We say ” for better or for worse ” when we take our vows and visualize going hand in hand to our graves.We have children EXPECTING that the children will have BOTH parents for ever ( or at least till they have left home for good ) because we BELIEVE that it is psychologically beneficial for them and so we make many compromises to fulfill WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO US.
Marital rape being a crime is important to me because ( as you rightly said ) men will no longer feel that they have a God given right to use and abuse their wives. They could get exposed and convicted. That is why i want marital rape to be recognized as a crime
In reply to tp
Madam,I agree to most of your comment,but confused at a few things.
1) (So then it cannot be termed rape AND SO NOTHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT.)
as per the verma committee recommendations ,even this will be called a rape and husband will be in jail.reason: wife says no but consent obtained by coercion,threat of non cooperation,threat of abuse etc…..even silence of wife is not considered consent.’there should be specific consent! if wife says no…and husband says…please..please, else i will not speak to you….and wife agrees , even this may be reason enough to book him!
2) (They could get exposed and convicted. That is why i want marital rape to be recognized as a crime)
I am confused. you said, due to many factors , wife often compromises…and may not report the rape.If this is the case,how will the new law help?
Even now wife has lot of options.if the new law on marital rape ( MR)comes,you can throw him in jail , but even without the new law,you can throw him out of marriage.
I hear/read a lot of woman complaining that without the MR law,we are suffering daily. WHY? you can always take divorce and throw him out of marriage even now.simple
IS SOMEBODY HOLDING A GUN AT WOMEN AND FORCING THEM TO REMAIN IN MARRIAGE ? I do not think so
In reply to Raj Ashok
We should use the word “rape” if there is the threat of physical coercion. Mental coercion cannot be criminalized – like saying “I won’t talk to you”!
In reply to Raj Ashok
For Raj:
1. i am happy that you have enlightened me about this point in the Verma committee report
2. If marital rape is recognized as a crime, then the husband would fear that he COULD get exposed and convicted if the wife choose to lodge an FIR . Right now with no law on marital rape there is no fear at all
3. you write ” but even without the new law,you can throw him out of marriage.” i have tried to explain that for most women of my generation ( i am 60 years old ) divorce is the LAST option because of the reasons already stated. It is only after the children have left the house that a woman would like to consider separation, but again, as a LAST option.
Today things are different and i am happy for it. There is mutual respect and feelings of equality between men and women. Women are financially secure and less dependent upon their husbands and it is easier for them to walk out of a marriage. Many couples do not even have children, which makes it even easier to separate